Uh Oh, the Pink One Fell

But the others still appear to be having a great time!

I think today was the most boring day I've ever had at Brooks. There have been other days when I've had to be the only cashier on, but usually I'd have other side projects to keep my occupied, like pricing or one-hour photo or whatever. Nope, today there was NOTHING to do besides ring, and from 7 until about 11, it was dead. I ended up reading about a billion magazines, which is one Lora's greatest pet peeves, but there was literally nothing else that could have occupied those 4 hours.

Luckily Kyle called one of the afternoon people and asked her to come in about an hour early, so from about 1 until I left at 3 I didn't have to be at the register. Our delivery ended up being wicked early, so I got to put away stuff in my usual aisles.

I left work, came home, ate, the usual. I had to take Rob food shopping cuz his truck self-destructed and he doesn't have a vehicle right now. It was cool-- I got to blab about my assassin research for a bit, so I was happy, hehe.

Around 6 I headed to the condo, fully dreading it. I was worried that it was going to be a continuation of that time, and admittedly my mood's still been too shaky for me to deal with that again. I mean, I *can* think about those things without getting overly stressed out like before, but having to listen to my Mom's insistant comments like last time would have been too much.

Luckily that was not the case at all and I had a pleasant time. Also, my Lush products were there! This time I got not only the products I had ordered, but *two* full sized, free items! Yeah, I got this fizzy bath thing that's in the shape of an angel and smells soooooooooo good. I usually opt for showers instead of baths, but I might have to make a few exceptions in order to use this thing. Hell, even inside a plastic baggie on my bathroom counter, the whole room has the most lovely scent now. I kinda wish I had brought it to the apartment! ;p The other freebie was a marzipan scented soap (yeah Rich, I said *marzipan,* hehe) that I'm pretty eager to try.

I think the first product I'm going to use though is the shower jelly, the supposedly "forest" scented Spank Me With Saplings. Yeah, I don't know about this one. My first impression upon sniffing it was "hmm, pine. . .something citrusy. . .and green olives?" O_o;; I've heard that some products smell weird in the package but better when you use them however, so hopefully this will be one of them! If not, I could always trade with someone through the Lush message board.

And now I'm just hanging around. I'm sure tomorrow will be a fairly typical day-- cleaning the place, research, Brewed Awkenings. Maybe I'll bake those scones, too. Oh yeah, I never told you the unabridged version of what happened with that guy yesterday. It really wasn't *that* exciting, you know how I like to make a big deal out of things. And trust me, I'm not going there tomorrow intending on seeing him again. During this time when I don't even know what to think about the relationship part of my life though, it was just a nice, if very brief, diversion.

This Guy

I don't have time to get into the full story, but some random guy struck up a conversation with me in Brewed Awakenings today.

I was not too surprised. We made eye contact when he walked in, and I actually thought "hm, I wouldn't mind if he sat at the table next to mine." Yeah, not my usual "OMG, STOP LOOKING AT ME!"

Um, but anyway. . .he did.

Like I said, no full story now. I didn't get his phone number or even his name, and for all I know I'll probably never see him again. But it was a good experience. :p

Well, I should probably go to bed seeing as I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. >_<

0

Yay, exciting! I think I know what my characters are doing! Or at least what the situation they find themselves in is.

No idea *how* they are going to deal with this.

See, my stories basically write themselves. When I really get into a particular scenario, I can just sit at the computer all day, typing. When I'd have to go to class or whatnot, I'd just start writing in the back pages of my notebooks and then type it out later when I got home. When I'm inspired, it's pretty crazy. :p

I'd get into what I'm currently thinking of writing about, but to explain who my characters are and what their current situations are that brought some of them to this. . .well, it would take pages. I've been thinking up this story since 7th grade; it's not very easily abbreviated, hehe. (For thsoe who do know, it primarily has to do with Jon and Randi. We know what happens when they're together! O_o haha, no, I don't think it's going to be like that this time.)

Today was the laziest day at work. I didn't do practically *any*thing for the first 2 hours I was there, though I did finish everything I needed to do by the end of my shift.

Chris and I wonder what our new manager is going to think about "Joey" being in the break room, haha. I still say he needs company, we just haven't bothered to print anyone else out yet.

On a vastly different note, 4 new B&Js flavors are being released! None of them actually jump out at me right now as something I NEED to try the INSTANT it comes out. . .but at least Chubby Hubby didn't get discontinued. The new flavors are:

Black and Tan - Cream stout flavored ice cream with chocolate ice cream. (I have NO IDEA how this is going to taste. I can't say I've ever dreamed of Guinness flavored ice cream. O_o )

Neapolitan Dynamite - Cherry Garcia and Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream, together

Turtle Soup - Vanilla ice cream with fudge and caramel swirl and caramel covered cashews (this sounds the most promising, though it's not the most creative thing ever)

Vermonty Python - Coffee liqueur flavored ice cream with chocolate cookie crumb swirl and fudge cows (this might be promising too)

I haven't seen any of them out yet, but you know I'll keep you posted. It's my sacred duty. :p

Oh, And

I think it's funny that the Republican group on campus thinks they are being clever by coming up with the "Penis Monolouges." If any of them knew ANYTHING about theatre, they'd realize that the show did, in fact, exist! It only ran for a few performances and it didn't receive very good reviews, but at least they weren't just doing it to mock the Vagina Monolouges. . .it was supposed to just be a legitimate, male version of such a show.

So anyway. . .Republicans show their stupidity yet again.

I Need Cement

to make sure that the pendulum that is my mind stays where it is for awhile. >_<

I am sorry again for yesterday, but I *was* feeling completely awful. There's the job/all that situation that is common knowledge by now, but that's not the only thing bothering me. By yesterday afternoon I felt like all of these situations are not going the way I'd like them to AT ALL and it was, to use my own term, soul-destroying.

I'm not sure how my mood turned around, because I was still miserable during my first few hours at work. I think just keeping my mind on the menial tasks I was doing stopped the continuous worrying cycle, and even later in the day I consciously tried NOT to think about anything. Even Chris had to wait until later in the shift to hear what was going on, and I only gave him an abbreviated version of anything because I didn't want to push myself near the edge again.

Then I woke up this morning and was fine, as though yesterday was a normal day. I know that going home triggered this whole episode, but I honestly believe that my severe mood swings may be partly chemical. :\ I know that most people worry about the same things I worry about, and everyone gets upset from time to time, but not like this. This is like being trapped, literally not able to even *think* that anything is going to be okay; it's inconceivable, it really does feel like dying is the best option. Until you've felt that way, I don't think you can imagine what it's like. The reason why I think this is slightly chemical with me is that although it makes sense (to some extent) why I might be feeling that way lately, there have been occasions when I've just woken up and this feeling hits me out of nowhere. It'll usually last for a few hours, a day at most, and then it just leaves. Usually not much even *changes,* situation-wise, I just inexplicably start feeling better. The thing is, this usually only happens to me. . .I don't know, 2 times per year at most. I've already felt this way twice *this year* and it's only February. I hope this is it for awhile, I've managed to rationalize some of the things that were bothering me, but some of the situations are not things I can control.

ETA: I also hope this is it for awhile because I *hate* putting everyone else through it with me. It's a difficult thing because I want people around during those times but I know that I become pretty difficult to deal with. And you know that kinda goes against my nature, in that I don't like being difficult. So. . .let's all be thankful that I'm not like this 98% of the time, hehe.

Well like I said, today's been better. I went to Starbucks and got some free coffee (which I ruined by putting too much random crap in, haha). I was also one of "those" people by talking to Rich on my cell phone while there-- I tried not to talk too loudly! (Lora actually asked someone to step outside the other day because they were pacing up and down some of the aisles having an obnoxiously loud cell phone conversation. That was great, hehe.) I went to Whole Foods earlier in the day and had some delicious salmon/avocado sushi and corn chowder. On a random note, I'm having the most awful time trying to find frozen vindaloo curry anywhere. Stop and Shop used to carry it, but they don't seem to anymore, and I expected Whole Foods to, but they don't now either! I'm gonna have to check out the few other stores I know of that carry frozen indian dishes, cuz if I have to go to P Place every time I want vindaloo, that's just not even cool, haha. Oh, and I bought mix for the apple cinnamon scones that everyone favors, so I'll have to make those later this week. ^__^

I also played the bass a ton because I'm determined to improve, evil G-string be damned!

I really want to get back to writing my story, but my characters have been so boring lately. I was actually going to ask for situation suggestions, but since not everyone knows my characters, I'll have to write a little bit about it in a later entry. For now, I think I'm heading to B&N (surprise!) for a little while.

Thanks v_v

or, Reasons Why I LOVE Going Home

I can't even put up with being there. I have an easy enough time berating myself over my current situations without any help, the last thing I need is to be reminded about all of it, as though I *haven't* spent any time thinking about anything. I mean my mood went from "okay" to -29057367 on a scale from 1-10. I stayed awake for hours because I know that I can't go on this way, disappointing everyone, being the only person my parents know who's this age that doesn't have any plans. AS IF I CHOSE FOR THINGS TO BE THIS WAY. Holy hell, that's what bothers me the most. It's not my fault that the only skills I have are of no use in this society.

I told her briefly about just working retail and doing my research, and how I've actually been making good strides with that. Her only reply was, "well that's not going to help you. you should find another part time job." i had brought my lincoln stuff to go over last night, but after that I couldn't even pick the book up without feeling ill. and hurt.

I've had enough of this; at least if I were out of everyone's lives you wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. I still say that there's nothing I could stay around and do that could not be done better by somebody else.

So, April. That's more than a month away and there *are* things I want to do in March. I don't think my plan would fail, based on things I've read. And you know, there's always the possibility that things will change before then, but I don't think they will. I'm 100% stalled on trying to move my life on.

Going Home

Won't be online tonight cuz I don't have a computer there anymore! And chances are I won't feel like driving all the way back home by the time my laundry is done. I have before, but this cold is kicking my ass and I'll probably be in bed by 12:30 again anyway.

I think Rob was humming "There's a Fine, Fine Line" while he was working on his gun earlier today. That was actually quite amusing, hehe.

I don't think I am going to burn the baby chick candles that I got. They are currently standing in a cult-like circle around a bottlecap on the computer desk. I think I like them that way.

Okay, I need to get my stuff together. Talk to you later.

(Yeah, I probably could have just expressed this in an away message, but. . .)

Maybe She's Right

So several of us at work the other night were talking about majors and jobs and all that stuff. Naturally, I got on my "guess I'm stuck here for now" tangent, but I also mentioned that I *was* steadily working on my research, though damned if I know what's going to come of it. One of my coworkers caught on to my lamentable tone and was quick to respond with "But wasn't that what you planned on doing for now anyway?"

I have a hard time remembering that this intermediate phase (before grad school, where I may actually get a useful degree!) isn't going to last forever, though it *will* probably be a few years. Plus, my coworker *was* right in saying that this is what I planned to do-- retail by day, history by night-- though of course I was hoping to be somewhere other than Brooks and certainly making more $$.

I know I can't complain about that too much because I basically stopped doing anything job-search related over the past few weeks. I think a huge part of it is that Brooks has become that one steady thing in my life-- you know, the role that my relationship with Rich used to fill. Even on the less-than-fun days, I never have to truly worry about anything. I know what I'm doing, I get along with my coworkers, there are never any surprises. Of course the downside is that until I find something else to "balance on," I'm not going to throw myself willingly into looking for another job. I don't want to be the newbie-- I hate feeling incompetent, I hate having to prove myself (though I've always ended up being being one of the trustworthy ones at all the jobs I've had).

But the pay-off for not stressing myself with finding another job has enabled me to get a little more back on track eating-wise. That's still a delicate balance though. Sure, I'm not purging but then my mind worries about all the carbs I've eaten, or all the sugar (like right now. . .I had lots of sugary things today and I feel as though I gained 20 lbs. . .hence the reappearance of Fatty McFatFat, hehe). Things like that, but I suppose just feeling bad mentally is better than acting on it.

I wouldn't say that any aspect of my life is going badly right now, in fact I'm pretty content overall. But after the events of the past few months, I'm just not ready for the stress, possible disappointments, possible heartbreak, etc. that are almost inevitable over the *next* few months. I could be wrong. I *hope* I'm wrong, but it's always easier to prepare for the worst and be happily surprised than vice versa.

Well, that's all for now. I have lots of things to read and I may go to bed early tonight. I'll probably go do research at URI in the morning since I'm going up to the condo for the night. Or I might just wait and maybe read a few extra chapters from the Lincoln book instead, who knows?

"What's Your Name?"

"Secret. What's yours?"

I love this TKK song (Mystery Babylon). They use the weirdest samples, hehe.

I don't know if I'm coming down with something or if I was just really tired, but my glands were incredibly swollen and sore while I was at work today and I was so run down. I honestly thought I was going to fall asleep while I was driving home, it was that bad! Since I got out at 3, I got home way before dinner time, so from 3:45 til 5 I just passed out on my bed. It was weird, but I've felt better since then. Everyone at work has been sick though, so it very well could be the start of something.

Besides working and eating, the only other thing of note that I've done today was read and make notes in another chapter from the Lincoln book. It's actually very interesting, so I'm glad I put my reservations about studying that assassination aside for awhile, hehe.

Yesterday was much more interesting, though I won't go into details. I spent most of the morning cleaning, but Travis and I hung out from 2 until, oh. . .1am, haha. It was a fun if occasionally painful time. ;) (no, don't worry, you really didn't hurt me, but I do have a small bruise on my wrist and I'm pretty sure it wasn't there before!)

Also, if anyone wants to contribute to the "help Erica buy a bass with a functional G string" fund, that would be very much appreciated. This one is being stubborn, but I'll keep playing on it anyway. :p

Well, I am going to try getting away from the computer for awhile. I'm working a ton of hours again this week, which is fine with me, but that'll mean fewer entries in here again. Take it as a good sign, cuz that means I'm actually doing something semi-productive, not just sitting around around online for 18 hours a day!

Ridiculous!

People bought the most ridiculous amount of stuff at work today-- we're talking 70, 80, even 100+ dollars worth! Over the past few years I've worked the day of the the day before every major holiday, and today was ten times busier than I've ever seen before.

I'm really surprised by how seriously some people take Valentine's Day. One of my coworkers was going off about how she was going to be SO upset if her boyfriend didn't get her anything. This is nevermind the fact that he had already brought her out to dinner this week and *was* planning on getting some kind of fancy dessert for their get-together tonight. Mind you, this girl's kinda out there anyway, but I heard the same "my wife/girlfriend would kill me if I forgot to give her a card/some chocolate/something today!" from plenty of guys. Reason #19795 why I don't normally like other members of my gender. Get over it!

As far as I'm concerned, it's just another day and I'm not just saying that cuz I'm single. If you really love and care about someone, you shouldn't wait for a fricken corporate driven holiday to show that. Oh, but don't get me started-- this was a super-popular conversation at work today, so I've been through it a billion times! lol.

I worked from 8-4, and it went by really quickly. The first few hours I got to do stuff away from the register, but from 12 til the end I was trapped at the front because it was so busy that we had three registers going pretty much the whole time.

I was gonna go do research right afterwards, but I was so tired I decided to come back to the apartment instead. I did, I ate, I layed around for a little while. I headed to URI eventually, but didn't end up at the microfilm reader. See, I'm thinking that if I really am going to turn my research into articles or something eventually, it would make sense if I finished them in chronological order. I did take some notes on stuff after Lincoln's death, but I stopped and jumped to 1901 shortly after. Beginning to take notes on 1865 again isn't the problem-- what bothers me is that I don't know a whole lot about the whole kidnapping/assassination plot, or even much about JW Booth. Sooooo, I've decided I should learn about it so I have something to ground my own research in, and I started looking for some books tonight. The URI library has a shelf of books on the Lincoln assassination (as opposed to a whole freaking section on the JFK assassinaton!), including some which I've seen referenced in other books, so I'll have to look into those. There must be a way to check out books from the library even though I'm not a student anymore, I'll just have to ask someone about it when I go tomorrow or Thursday.

Retail slave by day, historian by night. Love it, hehe.

Snowed In, But Better Day

Yeah, actually did a lot today despite not leaving the apartment for the second day in a row. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to leave, if I can manage to unbury my car and get over the mountain of snow that was plowed up behind it! :/

Nothing unusual happened. Played a few new songs on the bass, read more of the book I'm trucking through, wrote a tiny bit in the new non-scandalous notebook, watched some scenes from Chicago, cleaned. . .it was all low key. Hell, I didn't even get fully dressed til like 6pm, haha. I ordered the Lush products online that I was hoping to get today-- decided on Happy Hippy, Spank Me With Saplings, and the toothgel. Hopefully I'll get a few samples thrown in again. :p

I'm still avoiding everything from yesterday, though I suppose I'll go to Career Services again this week with my new resume. I wish someone would just pay me for the research I enjoy doing. Hopefully I can begin writing something based on the notes I currently have, though I will need to go more places than the URI library soon for some of the sources I'm after.

Well, off to make a veggie burger. If you're part of my Katamari Damacy Facebook group, go check it out cuz there are some new links up! (okay, only 2 but. . .we still need more people! I wish Count Chocula could join, haha)

Still Raw

Today definitely took its toll on me, including physically. Feeling so bad all day might have made me sick cuz I'm definitely feeling under the weather now. That's happened to me in the past-- sometimes it turns into a full blown cold, sometimes it goes away. I think laying in bed almost straight from 10am-5pm confused my body, cuz I never do that when I feel well!

Tonight I did manage to cook dinner and watch a movie with Rob. I also cleaned up my areas of the apartment a little and did some reading. I'm still not a good enough spot to give any mental attention to the things that are bothering me, cuz as soon as I do I start feeling awful again. I kinda wish I were going to work today, just because that usually helps boost my mood a fair amount. Even if I hadn't asked for today off, I probably wouldn't have gone because of the snow though.

Well, to bed.

I Destroyed the Scandalous Notebook

I am having the most awful day ever.

I wanted to wake up to SNOW. I did not want to wake up to SUN only to find its supposed to snow all day TOMORROW instead. Now what the hell am I supposed to do today?? I was planning on not wanting to go outside, cooking in all my meals and then probably still going to Boston as planned on Sunday. I can't reverse that. I *could* go out, but I don't have a single thing to do and I can't even think of anywhere to go that doesn't involve food. I *have* to use all the fruits and veggies I bought to cook today because they'll probably be rotten if they sit around til tomorrow.

Obviously I'm not just upset over this, but there are so many more things that I am just so freaking tired of and I've been wanting to destroy things all morning. I mean that literally. My cell phone, my Discman, various other things almost became easy victims.

But the notebook got the brunt of my boxcutter weilding anger. :*( Not that any of the entries were desroyed though-- I had enough sense to turn it the back pages, which are completely shredded, although I was tempted to just go at the whole thing. And since I don't have anything to DO all day, who's to say I might not?

God, and I thought the lowest point of my life was late 2002? I had so little to worry about. I didn't have to worry about what I was doing, because I was easily accepted to URI and had that to look forward to. ED was bad, but I got help and was basically FINE afterwards, for months. Was single, but had Nick to call whenever and to go out to dinner and stuff with and Matt to hang out with occasionally, plus Damian, even if that didn't turn out the way I wanted it to (heh).

I can't get any of this shit together now, and everyone I know has either left the state or I just don't feel like I can call up at any time of the day and be like "HELP."

I don't know what I'm going to do. I have all this extra cash on me now that I was going to use for the Boston trip and there's nothing I even feel like doing. I *would* go out and get something to eat but I made a very sugary dish for breakfast that killed my stomach, so it needs a few hours to recover.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few days.

Such an Interesting Night

I stayed at Brooks from 1pm to midnight tonight. Something was being done to the floors, so Chris and one of my other coworkers were going to be staying til 2am. I wasn't tired when the "official" end of my shift rolled around at 10, so I decided I'd stay a little longer since there was a planogram I could help them with. Chris brought some speakers to hook up to his Discman (no iPods for the Early 80's Group!) and I got to play DJ as we played a bunch of 80's mix CDs over the intercom. Haha, it was probably the most fun anyone's had at Brooks-- even the floor guy was into it!

Then Kyle called and said he'd be bringing pizza, so that was also cool. Instead of arriving with the food though, he was going to have it delivered to the store, which was fine with us. We were all working in the first aisle and at one point I heard a loud knock on the front doors, so I yelled out that the pizza was here. Kyle ran to the door, but then I noticed that the girl who was there was definitely *not* a pizza person and she was frantic about something. She talked to Kyle for a minute, who immediately took out his cell phone. Chris came over at that point, and I said it wasn't the pizza and I had no idea what was going on. Kyle soon filled us in though, that one of the girl's friends was in her car and bleeding really badly and he called 911. Kyle went out to go see what he could do and Chris went back inside to get some first aid stuff. Eventually an ambulence and police and a fire truck all showed up and it wasn't until the guys got back inside that we got the whole story.

Apparently the girl who came to the door got in a fight with her friend and *threw a fricken glass at her face.* Nice friend. Well, it must have shattered when it hit her, cuz the guys said her face looked like it was ripped up and that there was blood *all over* the inside of the car and in the parking lot. No, no way in hell did I go out there to see. Of course, the pizza guy showed up right when all of this was going on and *he* was like "what the hell happened?!" heh In any case, our Best of the 80's party (hehe) came to an abrupt ending, and after we devoured the pizza, Kyle and his girlfriend left, as did I. The police were still there and it looked like they were questioning some people (there had been two other people in the car besides the girls involved in the incident).

Lora's probably going to be mad that no one cleaned up the blood on the pavement.

Just another day in the life of a Brooks employee!

If You're Male

you probably won't care about the rest of this entry-- I'm trying to decide what Lush products I should buy! (Assuming we still *get* to Boston this Sunday cuz the weather's looking iffy :/ )

As you know, I got a few things through their website about a month ago: Sonic Death Monkey (a chocolate-orange scented shower gel), Flying Fox Temple Balm (jasmine and honey scented solid perfume, basically), and I was given a free sample of Whoosh (a lime scented shower jelly. . .looks and feels like a chunk of Jello!). I'm really happy with all these products, but I need to mix it up a bit. The Whoosh is nearly gone, since it WAS just a small sample, and though I have plenty of SDM left, I must admit that the scent loses its specialness when I smell it everyday! I've actually begun alternating between it and my old, unexciting shower gel so I'll keep on enjoying it, hehe.

Now the thing is, I was also given a Buy 1, Get 1 free coupon with my order, but it only applies to certain products. Plus, you can't mix and match. So, one of the items is a toffee/caramel scented soap bar called Honey I Washed the Kids-- if I got that, I'd have to get 2. That's actually one of the items I'm strongly considering, except that between that and the sweetness of the SDM scent, I don't think it would be a big enough variety. (Gah, not only do I need a sweet and salty mix when I eat, apparently I do when I shower, too! :p) The other BOGO product I'm considering is a moisturizer called Dream Cream, which is supposed to work really well. That's actually a much better deal price-wise, since HIWTK is pretty cheap when you just buy 1 bar of it. The other BOGO products aren't things I'd use, so it's going to be one of those two.

There are 3 other shower products I'm considering. The first is a supposedly woods-y scented shower jelly called Spank Me With Saplings. Quiet, I didn't name it! haha (although speaking of. . .where did my collection of sticks go??) Then there's Happy Hippy, a grapefruit/citrus shower gel, and Tramp a patchouli/pine scented gel. That one might be hard to find, as I heard that they discontinued it and then decided not to. Or something.

The only other thing I will probably buy is a tube of their Black Toothgel. It's gotten a lot of good reviews as a whitener, and lately the rather disgusting color of my teeth has been bothering me. A lot.

Most likely I'll end up buying the Dream Cream (as BOGO), 1 block of HIWTK, 1 other shower product, and the toothgel. There are other products I would like to try, such as their shampoos/conditioners or some of their melting massage bars, but there's no rush. Besides, I'm not going to use the edible massage bars on myself! >_< hehe

I Was

elated when I came across this picture on some webpage!








I'm hoping you know what it's all about. :p








Today was an all-around really awful day. I'd elaborate, but I want to go to bed early tonight so I can wake up earlier than normal and get a lot done tomorrow. Yeah, I have to go to the bank, go food shopping (somewhat. . .seriously trying to use up the pasta, rice, etc. I have in the cupboards here), go home and do laundry, go to URI and try to finish up Czol related Newport Daily News articles, and I know there's more I'm forgetting. As long as I don't sit on my ass and eat everything in the apartment, it'll be an improvement over today.

I hope you like SAND

Yay! Salad Fingers 7! Not as random as the others, but it'll do. The cartoon right under it, 100 Kinds of Soup or whatever, now THAT is a weird one.

Today was a low-key day. I cleaned and I cooked. Yeah, maybe I should just be a housewife. :p

I decided to make one snacky thing and then a pasta dish for dinner. The first thing came out differently than I expected it to, but not in a bad way. They're basically just lumps of peanut butter, honey, wheat germ, powdered nonfat milk, and nutmeg. You're supposed to roll them in cereal after, but I just mixed some Kashi GoLean into them. They taste a LOT like those Indian ball things I got from the Indian market awhile ago. If I changed the recipe a little bit, I probably could make a fairly good imitation of them. Towards the end the mix was a little dry and the lumps weren't holding together, so the last few got some nutella thrown in. Not a bad addition, I must say. >:)

At first they were really crumbly, but after being refrigerated for awhile they're sticky together a bit more and have a nice, chewy consistency. I also like how the nutmeg really compliments the wildflower honey that I used, which has a slightly different taste than your average, supermarket brand honey. It's noticeable but not overpowering.

The pasta dish was not from a recipe, I just went to Shaw's and grabbed stuff that I thought would taste good together, hehe. So I ended up with gnocchi, marinated artichoke hearts, asparagus, spinach, and chicken (those prepackaged strips. . .I've never cooked with regular, raw meat cuz it's not usually my thing) in a sundried tomato sauce with a mix of shredded romano, parmesan, and asiago cheeses. Oh man, it is soooooooo good. I had enough leftover for a late evening snack and there's STILL enough left to take to work tomorrow. Plus, I have extras of everything but the chicken, so I'll probably make this dish again and maybe tweak it a tiny bit for variety.

As I've said before, maybe I *should* have gone to culinary school! :
Anyway, working 8-4 tomorrow and then I'm buckling down and fixing my resume and hopefully coming up with a cover letter for the Houghton Mifflin position/s. I plan on taking it all in to Career Services again this week, but hopefully I won't get Mr. "Whatever Turns You On" Man again. The creepy vibe was a little bit high with that one, haha.

Butt Lovers Popcorn

Best thing found on a Brooks price sticker yet! haha Chris and I got a good juvenile laugh out of it. ;p

Brooks ate up my life today, cuz by the time I got out of bed, I only had a few hours before I had to leave. I had some really weird dreams last night, though I don't feel like detailing them now. I was in a really pissy/sad mood when I went to bed last night, so maybe that had something to do with it. I know that the second dream I had directly related to one of the things I was upset over. If you saw the entry that I wrote in here, you might have an idea what it's about.

I almost feel bad because now people at work *are* inviting me out, but I'm never able to go. A few of them were going to Casey's for food tonight, but I was pretty tired after my shift and decided not to. Then Betsy is having a Superbowl thing on Sunday and again, people are heading there after work, but I'm working in the morning and I probably won't want to drive all the way back down there later in the day. At least not knowing that I'll be the only sober one there, which would probably take an edge off any possible fun.

I think my emotional craziness last night was due to 1) hormones (somewhere out in Texas, Rich is nodding in agreement, haha) and 2) lack of ED behaviors. I've been very normal lately, at least for the past 3-4 days or so, but that's a long enough time to make a difference, especially considering how bad the past few weeks were. When you're not doing that stuff, you can't cover up how you're feeling and that can be hard to deal with. Right now, the ledge I'm holding myself up with looks sturdy but might be deceivingly fragile. Only time's gonna tell on this matter.

Other than that. . .no plans for tomorrow, as usual. There is another cafe in Wakefield that I recently learned of, and I may go check that out tomorrow night. I also feel like cooking, just cuz it's been so long since I've eaten something that didn't contain frozen food or something microwaveable! I'm thinking some kind of pasta dish and maybe I'll make the No Pudge brownies, too. So many possibilities, hehe.