Thanks v_v
or, Reasons Why I LOVE Going Home
I can't even put up with being there. I have an easy enough time berating myself over my current situations without any help, the last thing I need is to be reminded about all of it, as though I *haven't* spent any time thinking about anything. I mean my mood went from "okay" to -29057367 on a scale from 1-10. I stayed awake for hours because I know that I can't go on this way, disappointing everyone, being the only person my parents know who's this age that doesn't have any plans. AS IF I CHOSE FOR THINGS TO BE THIS WAY. Holy hell, that's what bothers me the most. It's not my fault that the only skills I have are of no use in this society.
I told her briefly about just working retail and doing my research, and how I've actually been making good strides with that. Her only reply was, "well that's not going to help you. you should find another part time job." i had brought my lincoln stuff to go over last night, but after that I couldn't even pick the book up without feeling ill. and hurt.
I've had enough of this; at least if I were out of everyone's lives you wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. I still say that there's nothing I could stay around and do that could not be done better by somebody else.
So, April. That's more than a month away and there *are* things I want to do in March. I don't think my plan would fail, based on things I've read. And you know, there's always the possibility that things will change before then, but I don't think they will. I'm 100% stalled on trying to move my life on.
I can't even put up with being there. I have an easy enough time berating myself over my current situations without any help, the last thing I need is to be reminded about all of it, as though I *haven't* spent any time thinking about anything. I mean my mood went from "okay" to -29057367 on a scale from 1-10. I stayed awake for hours because I know that I can't go on this way, disappointing everyone, being the only person my parents know who's this age that doesn't have any plans. AS IF I CHOSE FOR THINGS TO BE THIS WAY. Holy hell, that's what bothers me the most. It's not my fault that the only skills I have are of no use in this society.
I told her briefly about just working retail and doing my research, and how I've actually been making good strides with that. Her only reply was, "well that's not going to help you. you should find another part time job." i had brought my lincoln stuff to go over last night, but after that I couldn't even pick the book up without feeling ill. and hurt.
I've had enough of this; at least if I were out of everyone's lives you wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. I still say that there's nothing I could stay around and do that could not be done better by somebody else.
So, April. That's more than a month away and there *are* things I want to do in March. I don't think my plan would fail, based on things I've read. And you know, there's always the possibility that things will change before then, but I don't think they will. I'm 100% stalled on trying to move my life on.
posted by Erica at 11:19 AM
1 Comments:
Who cares what your parents think? They don't really have any idea what history majors, or researchers do anyway. I think you are doing just fine now, if you end up writing a book while working part time at brooks, and that book gets published, then you've just achieved something that pretty much no other 24 year old in the world has.
Let me tell you something, working some corporate or whatever job every day for the rest of your life in not the paradise your parents or everyone else thinks it is. That's what they have all been programmed to do, and seeing that those people arn't authors, or archeaologists, or something fun, they want you to be miserable like them and go work a 9 - 5 job. Those jobs don't make you a better person, help anybody, or anything, they just put money into your bank account.
Read Ivan Illyich, that guys life was a complete facade, yeah he had a job and a house full of fancy crap, and he went on vacations. But his life was empty and meaningless.
Don't compare yourself to other people of your age, you arn't like them, in fact I think most people are age are mindless robots doing what they're told. The only people I bother comparing myself to are long dead hero's who lived their lives in radically different ways then 99.9% of the earth's population. There isn't a living person on this earth who is worth measuring yourself to because you are living now and can do anything you choose.
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