I Destroyed the Scandalous Notebook
I am having the most awful day ever.
I wanted to wake up to SNOW. I did not want to wake up to SUN only to find its supposed to snow all day TOMORROW instead. Now what the hell am I supposed to do today?? I was planning on not wanting to go outside, cooking in all my meals and then probably still going to Boston as planned on Sunday. I can't reverse that. I *could* go out, but I don't have a single thing to do and I can't even think of anywhere to go that doesn't involve food. I *have* to use all the fruits and veggies I bought to cook today because they'll probably be rotten if they sit around til tomorrow.
Obviously I'm not just upset over this, but there are so many more things that I am just so freaking tired of and I've been wanting to destroy things all morning. I mean that literally. My cell phone, my Discman, various other things almost became easy victims.
But the notebook got the brunt of my boxcutter weilding anger. :*( Not that any of the entries were desroyed though-- I had enough sense to turn it the back pages, which are completely shredded, although I was tempted to just go at the whole thing. And since I don't have anything to DO all day, who's to say I might not?
God, and I thought the lowest point of my life was late 2002? I had so little to worry about. I didn't have to worry about what I was doing, because I was easily accepted to URI and had that to look forward to. ED was bad, but I got help and was basically FINE afterwards, for months. Was single, but had Nick to call whenever and to go out to dinner and stuff with and Matt to hang out with occasionally, plus Damian, even if that didn't turn out the way I wanted it to (heh).
I can't get any of this shit together now, and everyone I know has either left the state or I just don't feel like I can call up at any time of the day and be like "HELP."
I don't know what I'm going to do. I have all this extra cash on me now that I was going to use for the Boston trip and there's nothing I even feel like doing. I *would* go out and get something to eat but I made a very sugary dish for breakfast that killed my stomach, so it needs a few hours to recover.
I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few days.
I wanted to wake up to SNOW. I did not want to wake up to SUN only to find its supposed to snow all day TOMORROW instead. Now what the hell am I supposed to do today?? I was planning on not wanting to go outside, cooking in all my meals and then probably still going to Boston as planned on Sunday. I can't reverse that. I *could* go out, but I don't have a single thing to do and I can't even think of anywhere to go that doesn't involve food. I *have* to use all the fruits and veggies I bought to cook today because they'll probably be rotten if they sit around til tomorrow.
Obviously I'm not just upset over this, but there are so many more things that I am just so freaking tired of and I've been wanting to destroy things all morning. I mean that literally. My cell phone, my Discman, various other things almost became easy victims.
But the notebook got the brunt of my boxcutter weilding anger. :*( Not that any of the entries were desroyed though-- I had enough sense to turn it the back pages, which are completely shredded, although I was tempted to just go at the whole thing. And since I don't have anything to DO all day, who's to say I might not?
God, and I thought the lowest point of my life was late 2002? I had so little to worry about. I didn't have to worry about what I was doing, because I was easily accepted to URI and had that to look forward to. ED was bad, but I got help and was basically FINE afterwards, for months. Was single, but had Nick to call whenever and to go out to dinner and stuff with and Matt to hang out with occasionally, plus Damian, even if that didn't turn out the way I wanted it to (heh).
I can't get any of this shit together now, and everyone I know has either left the state or I just don't feel like I can call up at any time of the day and be like "HELP."
I don't know what I'm going to do. I have all this extra cash on me now that I was going to use for the Boston trip and there's nothing I even feel like doing. I *would* go out and get something to eat but I made a very sugary dish for breakfast that killed my stomach, so it needs a few hours to recover.
I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few days.
posted by Erica at 12:55 PM
2 Comments:
Sounds like a rough, rough day.
It was.
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