Why I Get Hostile
It never freaking fails.
If I go out to a coffeeshop by myself, I'm going to get looked at my some random guy. Even when I'm *not* alone it happens.
Hell, even yesterday, when I was at Dunkin Donuts during my break at work, there was a guy at the counter who distinctly turned and looked at me four times! And once on the way out.
I don't find it flattering, I just find it annoying.
I went out for coffee tonight and yep, it happened. The guy even said "bye" to me when I walked past his table to the exit, but I just pulled my notebook closer and pushed open the door. What can I say, I'm a bitch sometimes.
I know why I take such offense when I'm given unwanted attention. It goes back to something that happened to me during my second year of college.
I'll try to make this brief. I don't like talking about it in an overly detailed way online anyway.
Tiny bit of background: I was in a long distance relationship, but my bf had no problem with me befriending guys because I have *always* preferred the company of males to other females. Throughout my first year I had met and hung out with various guys without any sketchy incidents (none that i couldn't handle, anyway). So I was perfectly used to going out with guys on a strictly friends-only basis, and it was always fine.
That's why I was totally unprepared for this incident. I became somewhat friendly with a guy in one of my classes, in that we joked around before the professor walked in. He complimented me sometimes cuz he liked my pseudo-punk style but it never seemed as though he was *interested* in me as more than an aquaintence. But that was no wonder, since I frequently mentioned my boyfriend in class-- maybe never directly *to* him, but what did it matter?
So one day, when he asked me to go somewhere with him on a Saturday night, I said sure. How many other guys had I gone places with? Several. Why would this be any different?
To make this much, much shorter. . .
He DIDN'T know I was taken and when he found out, he became irrationally angry and upset with me for "leading him on." We still ended up going out, but it was an awful time and I was almost afraid to be with him because he was a lot bigger than me physically and obviously emotionally unstable. When nothing bad happened that night, I thought I was safe. We stopped talking before class and as weeks passed, I felt a little bad about what had happened, but mostly stopped thinking about the whole disaster.
But he did not forget.
Later in the semester, out of the blue, he threatened me and I was very frightened he would do something. I got the professor and the campus police involved, but because of some weird rule, there wasn't much they could do. Since he knew where I lived, I didn't even feel safe in my room or anywhere else on campus. I was honestly paranoid until the end of the semester, afraid that maybe he'd even get some of his friends to spy on me or something (I had met some of them that night). I literally walked around campus with one hand around a can of mace or something pointy at all times. I was always looking over my shoulder and constantly scanning the area for anyone that even looked remotely like him.
Nothing ever happened, and I never even saw him again after that semester. But from that point on, that's when I started getting annoyed by guys who so much as looked at me. I had a boyfriend anyway, so there was no need for such attention and I didn't feel bad about brushing everyone off. Afterall, I didn't want anyone else to think I was interested when I wasn't, so strongly shooting people down was the best way I knew how.
Well, that was many years ago now. Maybe it doesn't sound that scary/bad, but believe me, it was terrifying at the time and for awhile afterward. Some of that attitude still remains with me though, of wanting to make sure guys don't even think they have a chance, and it does relate directly to that incident.
That's all I have to say for now. One of the big scary insects is crawling around on the living room wall, but he's too high for me to reach him! Most bugs don't bother me, but these things are just disgusting. And huge. And fast. Rich killed the last one we saw, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to get this one. As long as it stays out of the bedroom and the kitchen, I don't mind too much. But if I ever found one of those things in the bed or something, I'd freak out. :p
If I go out to a coffeeshop by myself, I'm going to get looked at my some random guy. Even when I'm *not* alone it happens.
Hell, even yesterday, when I was at Dunkin Donuts during my break at work, there was a guy at the counter who distinctly turned and looked at me four times! And once on the way out.
I don't find it flattering, I just find it annoying.
I went out for coffee tonight and yep, it happened. The guy even said "bye" to me when I walked past his table to the exit, but I just pulled my notebook closer and pushed open the door. What can I say, I'm a bitch sometimes.
I know why I take such offense when I'm given unwanted attention. It goes back to something that happened to me during my second year of college.
I'll try to make this brief. I don't like talking about it in an overly detailed way online anyway.
Tiny bit of background: I was in a long distance relationship, but my bf had no problem with me befriending guys because I have *always* preferred the company of males to other females. Throughout my first year I had met and hung out with various guys without any sketchy incidents (none that i couldn't handle, anyway). So I was perfectly used to going out with guys on a strictly friends-only basis, and it was always fine.
That's why I was totally unprepared for this incident. I became somewhat friendly with a guy in one of my classes, in that we joked around before the professor walked in. He complimented me sometimes cuz he liked my pseudo-punk style but it never seemed as though he was *interested* in me as more than an aquaintence. But that was no wonder, since I frequently mentioned my boyfriend in class-- maybe never directly *to* him, but what did it matter?
So one day, when he asked me to go somewhere with him on a Saturday night, I said sure. How many other guys had I gone places with? Several. Why would this be any different?
To make this much, much shorter. . .
He DIDN'T know I was taken and when he found out, he became irrationally angry and upset with me for "leading him on." We still ended up going out, but it was an awful time and I was almost afraid to be with him because he was a lot bigger than me physically and obviously emotionally unstable. When nothing bad happened that night, I thought I was safe. We stopped talking before class and as weeks passed, I felt a little bad about what had happened, but mostly stopped thinking about the whole disaster.
But he did not forget.
Later in the semester, out of the blue, he threatened me and I was very frightened he would do something. I got the professor and the campus police involved, but because of some weird rule, there wasn't much they could do. Since he knew where I lived, I didn't even feel safe in my room or anywhere else on campus. I was honestly paranoid until the end of the semester, afraid that maybe he'd even get some of his friends to spy on me or something (I had met some of them that night). I literally walked around campus with one hand around a can of mace or something pointy at all times. I was always looking over my shoulder and constantly scanning the area for anyone that even looked remotely like him.
Nothing ever happened, and I never even saw him again after that semester. But from that point on, that's when I started getting annoyed by guys who so much as looked at me. I had a boyfriend anyway, so there was no need for such attention and I didn't feel bad about brushing everyone off. Afterall, I didn't want anyone else to think I was interested when I wasn't, so strongly shooting people down was the best way I knew how.
Well, that was many years ago now. Maybe it doesn't sound that scary/bad, but believe me, it was terrifying at the time and for awhile afterward. Some of that attitude still remains with me though, of wanting to make sure guys don't even think they have a chance, and it does relate directly to that incident.
That's all I have to say for now. One of the big scary insects is crawling around on the living room wall, but he's too high for me to reach him! Most bugs don't bother me, but these things are just disgusting. And huge. And fast. Rich killed the last one we saw, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to get this one. As long as it stays out of the bedroom and the kitchen, I don't mind too much. But if I ever found one of those things in the bed or something, I'd freak out. :p
posted by Erica at 8:04 PM
4 Comments:
Scary stuff.
I found learning to navigate relationships, friendships, the opposite sex was hard.
Life without an instruction book. Why don't they teach us this stuff in school?
But I ramble.
I don't know if an instruction book is what I need, but I would love the ability to read people's minds!
That would make so many things so much easier, relationship wise.
But I'm not getting into any of it here. ;p
That is scary! I had no idea that was the "situation" you sometimes speak of. No wonder you get really upset when random people at places are looking at you! That guy must have been mentally unstable, or highly territorial or something to go as far as to threaten you.
"I don't know if an instruction book is what I need, but I would love the ability to read people's minds!"
And that is an ability I wished I had several times in the past. It would have made things a lot easier for me relationship wise as well. Damn over analyzation is a bad substitute for mind reading, and I hardly think that qualifies as a super power! lol.
Haha, no, I guess it's not a super power, but I overanalyse sometimes too. Never when I'm actually dating someone, only when I'm blindly chasing after someone. And I've always been wrong in my conclusions so I'm trying not to do it during this current round of singledom. ;p
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