A Day to Forget? -- NYC, Take II

Maybe it was a sign that things were gonna go downhill when Rich and I woke up an hour *after* the alarm was supposed to go off. We're pretty sure it never went off-- it certainly would have woken me up, and unlike with my alarm, I don't know how to shut his off so I couldn't have done it in my sleep. And if Rich had heard it, he would have had to reach over me to shut it off, and I definitely would have been woken up by that.

Being an hour behind schedule wasn't a big deal, though. We didn't have to get to the City for any particular time since we weren't seeing a show or anything. All we had to do was get there and walk to the museum, which wouldn't open until 10 anyway. So, no problems.

Drove to Stamford. . .easily got tickets and on the train. . .got to Grand Central and left there around 12. We weren't sure how long it would take us to get to the Natural History Museum, but Rich and I knew from last time that my map made things look further away than they were. Besides, none of us were adverse to walking a bit, so how bad could it be?

We forgot to consider 1) crowds, 2) street lights, 3) heat and several other things in our equation. :p The trek there was *straightforward* enough, but it took us literally an hour to get to the museum. And let's not forget that getting there was NOT the end of our walking around. At least we wouldn't have to speed walk (like we had done the whole way there thanks to me, haha), but still.

The museum itself was really the best part of the trip. The place is HUGE and even though we were there for almost 4 hours, we didn't quite see everything. The dinosaur bones were amazing. They have every possible creature you could think of there and tons of smaller ones that I know *I* hadn't heard of before. And the exhibit covers the *entire* fourth floor of the building, which, as I said, is huge. I took a lot of pictures, so hopefully they'll come out okay.

The rest of the museum is mostly cultural artifacts from 249,030 civilizations-- at least it seems that way, haha. They also had a lot of taxidermy, which made me happy. They had several other exhibits, like on the human body and evolution, another one on meteors and a huge room of gems/minerals, but we didn't get to those until our last hour. Even though we took some time out to *sit down* and have lunch (way overpriced food, of course, but I would have paid double just cuz I was so hungry by that point :p), we were all pretty tired and just not in the mood to look at stuff anymore. Even when we discovered a whole wing we acidentally missed, we just said "the hell with it" and left. We'll go back eventually, haha.

We took another short break on the museum steps before deciding how exactly to get back to Times Square. Walking back was the easiest choice, but by now we had walked for about 5 hours straight-- at least with Rich and I, our backs were hurting and my feet weren't overly happy. We considered taking a taxi, but. . .we wouldn't have to *speed* walk back since we weren't overly sure what else we were doing. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Rob decided we should walk back through Central Park instead of going back the way we came, so we did. Although walking through the Park is something I've wanted to do, I was downright NOT into it yesterday. I hate to bring it up at all, but yesterday was probably the worst day Rich and I have had together since we started going out-- I don't think we've EVER bickered/downright argued so much, seeing as that's not our style. And I was completely irritated by that time because literally since we got to Grand Central, either Rich or his brother were continuously stepping on my heels. It sounds stupid, and it *would* be a dumb thing to get worked up over, if it only happened once or twice. No, it happened enough that it was downright ANNOYING and there was no reason for it, if you all would just have *paid attention* to where you were going. Hmph. It didn't help that the sandals I was wearing were already beat up and ready to fall apart, and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. In any case, this really made Rich and I annoyed with each other and just. . .gah, it's so stupid that our first fight was over THIS.

Err, next!

So we walked through the park and eventually, about ten years later, were back in Times Square. Thus began the second annoying part of the trip-- what to do next. When we were still at the museum, the guys decided that we'd stop at a bakery we had passed on the way that had delectable cakes/pastries in the window. That was fine with me. But when we got there, Rob no longer was keen on getting anything. We went into a *different* nearby bakery/coffeeshop, and even though I was perfectly happy to get something there, Rob decided he wanted "real food" instead. So he and Rich were both like "but you can get something here and then we'll get something to eat at Chipotle" (which we thought was a regular restaurant, at the time). But that just seemed foolish to me. If we were going to Chipotle, surely they'd have a dessert menu and I could just get something *there.*

Soooooo, we left the cafe and I figured we were going to head right to Chipotle since, but no. I *had* originally mentioned wanting to find an Avenue Q t-shirt, but at this point I was so hungry, tired, and cranky that I just wanted us to STOP walking and eat somewhere. I think that's what we all wanted to do, but for some reason we wandered off some more to find this Broadway memorabilia shop Rich and I had passed last time.

But, of course, the store wasn't where I thought it was (actually, there's several of them in the area, so I think the one we went into last time *was* somewhere different) and we just. kept. walking. around. AUGH. Eventually we DID find a Bway store, but the only Q shirts they had weren't my size, so I was out of luck. We looked around a bit and then we FINALLY decided to head to Chipotle afterall. Dammit.

We got to the restaurant about 10 years later, and it was COMPLETELY different than any of us had figured. We thought it was a regular sit-down type of restaurant, not simply another fast food type place. So we stood in line, looked at the menu, and eventually decided we weren't going to eat there either! Bloody hell! >:(

To make a long story, much, much shorter. . .
We ate in Grand Central (again, after tons of indecision over which place to get food from), totally decided against seeing All Shook Up (would have gotten home WAY too late) and took the soonest train we could back home. The drive back from Stamford took forever, but we listened to Avenue Q and Assassins, so I was happy. And I was certainly happy to be sitting and to NOT have people stepping on my heels for once. >;p

Oi, so anyway. It was really not the best trip. I don't know if it was cuz of the constant walking, or the constant indecision or what. Next time we go, I want to see ASU again and I want to eat at the cafe we left. Come on now, I'm a Libra. . .*I'm* supposed to be the indecisive one, haha.

Alright, there's more I could say, but I have some things to do. Talk to you later!

Sorry, Everyone

I broke my purge free streak today. :(

I just ate too much during my break, and I tried to avoid doing it, but. . .

Otherwise, I had a good day.

I don't feel discouraged. 2 months is no small feat; hopefully I can make it 3 this time, or longer.

This is such a hard thing to beat. I always say that I'm "not that bad," and it's true, but it's still difficult.

In time, I know it'll stop once and for all. At least I'm not ambivalent, like I used to be. I slipped, it's not the end of the world, it doesn't make all my attempts to stop useless. I'm just going to press on like today never happened. It's all I can really do.


*********


New York City is still happening tomorrow. Rich's brother decided to come with us, but that's okay. We might go to Chinatown and there's even a small possibility we'll get the $20 balcony tickets and see All Shook Up again. Yay!

But since most of you all aren't going, guess you gotta wait to find out what happens. ;)

Goodnight!

Coffee is my Master

Guess who ended up driving to Starbucks this afternoon and paid for her coffee in *dimes* because she's that broke? I can't even pretend to deny it, haha.

But it was worth it. I needed to get out of the house and true, I could have gotten coffee at a billion and one closer places, but I felt like driving (and I had to go to URI anyway to return/get some more books). I had to fight my mind all morning after bingeing last night, and going somewhere was the only answer.

Apparently I pulled something in my left calf yesterday, because I get a sharp pain in it if I accidentally stretch it. Thus, I couldn't run today, couldn't do yoga, couldn't even do a lot of my usual floor exercises cuz I don't want to hurt it even more. I'm sure it'll be fine by tomorrow, so I'm not worried.

So yeah, I went to Starbucks and figured I'd chill with my notebook for awhile, but at this point going over the situation day after day isn't helping matters. I'm not as stressed over it as I was cuz I know there's not a lot I can do at this point. It's just a matter of letting whatever is going to happen. . .happen. There's a good article about change and suchlike in this month's Yoga Journal and that, along with some other things I've been reading, have also been a help. Anyway, I didn't stay very long but went straight to the URI library and spent some time browsing around in there instead. Definitely better for getting my mind to stop obsessing.

Moving along. . .

New York City! Again! After all this time!
I've already said that we're going to the Museum of Natural History and I know I'm really looking forward to it. ^__^ I imagine that'll take up most of the day, so we're not planning to see a show or anything too. We never tried getting tickets to Avenue Q and although I'm sure we could get some at the TKTS booth (not for Q, but for POTO or ASU or maybe even DRS), they'd still be about $50 a piece. Damn Broadway for being so expensive. :p I'll just be content if I can find an AQ t-shirt-- then I can pretend we saw it, hehe. The only other thing we'll definitely do is grab a meal at Chipotle, which we've both heard lots about. Or we can just go back to the deli with the huge sandwiches and eat off the same one for lunch AND dinner. It would be possible, and Rich and I *aren't* light eaters; the portions were just ridiculous! ;p

So you know you can expect a huge entry about that on Saturday night, hehe.

Oi, that's enough. Rich and I are going to see the Devil's Rejects tonight, so that should be interesting. I liked House of 1,000 Corpses in a very campy, B-movie kinda way, so Zombie better not let me down this time. v_V

Evening Stuff

Yeah, it's just one of those nights.

Pretty upset about the Rich-and-I and our lack-of-future situation. I keep trying to write entries about it, but nothing seems fitting and I always delete it. Hell, I'm having a difficult time even thinking about what to say now.

I talked about it with Chris again today, but I feel a little weird about doing so. He confides some of his more personal relationship matters to me though, so I guess we're even. I've always felt pretty comfortable with him and I don't know why; didn't even shoot him down back in the day when he liked me but, obviously, I was taken so I didn't feel likewise. Even if I were single right now though, we're so very much just friends. Couldn't even consider anything more.

Mmm, cookies.

It's awful of me to be thinking about all that. I'm sorry. Rich and I are still going strong but the realist part of my brain says "you can't get too comfortable anymore." :( No, I don't like that one bit, but. . .

Okay, damn cookies. Just polished off the whole bag (and they were the expensive ones from Whole Foods too >:( ) and I wasn't even hungry. Grrrr. I should probably just stop now and go to bed before I finish all my crackers and dried fruit and everything else in my room. I didn't like being under 115 lbs anyway. :p

Morning Stuff

After getting 4 hours of sleep last night, I headed to Goddard Park this morning and went running. I am insane, hehe.

It's weird, cuz I was able to run for about 20 minutes straight which has NOT happened before. Every time I take like 5 or more days off between runs, my stamina improves a ton. Not sure why that is. Maybe I shouldn't run for a month and then enter a marathon or something-- I could probably do it! haha

I am 4 lbs away from having an underweight BMI. Not sure how I feel about that.

Boston/NYC plans are coming together nicely-- FINALLY!

Gotta go check on the bass. The stupid G string loves getting out of tune. >:(

I didn't mention that when Nick and Rich and I went to Starbucks, Nick found a religious tract denouncing Harry Potter in the men's bathroom. Of course I asked him to grab it for me, haha. I have such a weird collection of thsoe pamphlets, I could probably start my own museum. I even have some in Spanish! ;D

That's all for now. Time for reading and bassin' and writing a whole ton of stuff in the Scandalous Notebook. Later!

Blood Puppets!

I want to be one, haha.

No, I'm not really sure what I'm talking about. Apparently they are characters in some game Rich has been playing. I just thought they sounded cool. :p

I had coffee from Starbucks just a few hours ago, so it's bound to be a loooooooong night. We were in B&N, so I could have gotten a slice of cheesecake, but I decided to try their carrot cake instead. It was just okay; I probably won't get it again. You know what I always say though-- you don't know if you don't try.

Didn't do much today. Went to Whole Foods as planned, spent far too much money. I'm gonna have to force myself to just live off of what I have in the house for the next week or two, which doesn't make me happy AT ALL. But what's my favorite Assassins quote again? I probably don't need to reiterate it. . .

Got the bill from URI for the fall semester. It's not TOO much, but my parents are going to have to pay at LEAST half of it because I didn't manage to save any money this summer. Blah (it's partly my fault since I only worked 32 hours instead of 40, but I honestly needed those extra 8 free hours to help retain my sanity). Besides, they were supposed to pay for my summer course, but who ended up paying the bill? Yeah, that was me. I never ask my parents to pay for anything, but it does piss me off when they SAY they'll give me money for this or that and then they conveniently "forget" when the time comes. Like I remember awhile ago, I was really low on money because I was working in the computer labs and I needed to pay for a lot of extra expenses (for whatever reason), so my parents were like "oh, we know you spend a lot of money on groceries, so just give your Mom a list and we'll buy your food for you." This happened ONE time. Everytime I tried bringing it up afterward, all I got were excuses why they couldn't.

My parents like to *act* as though we don't have much money. And maybe we don't. But then, at least before they started getting ready to move, they BOTH spend lots of money on stupid, entirely useless crap all the time. A few years ago, my Mom went out and bought a really gaudy grandfather clock to put in our gathering room. My Dad was so mad at her for spending a big chunk of money on such an unneeded, ugly thing that HE went out and bought an expensive telescope-- just to get back at her! Guess how many times he's ended up using it?

Once. That's it. And I think he plans on getting rid of it before we move.

And there have been many other instances. Like I said, it's not that I expect them to be spending money on *me*, I am 23 afterall, but if they *offer* to help me out, then they should follow through. So I'm worried about them "not being able" to pay for my fall classes, but without their help, there's no way I can. Grrrr.

I still wish that my Mom would get a job. If I were my Dad, I would not have put up with her mooching for so many years. There's no reason why she can't, she just doesn't WANT to. God forbid that anything should get in the way of her exercise classes. She probably spends more time at the Y than some of the employees do. @_@ And then I love how she gets on *my* case about finding a job after I graduate. Mom, you should not be talking about such things.

This turned into a sorta rant, didn't it? hehe

Oi, I don't know. I'm gonna try to find something to eat in Rich's kitchen and then I guess I'll just be nearby in case anyone comes online later.

Once again

I must be a pathological liar. :p

Today was a weird day at work. Not good or bad, just weird.

"Kevin" was actually nice again today-- this is starting to scare me, haha. Actually, the people who pissed me off were the people I'm usually quite fond of. :/

Seems like lately, Chris hadn't been abandoning me in total favor of Nicole whenever the 3 of us worked together. Maybe it was cuz I had interesting stuff to tell him, but I thought that perhaps he realized it was kinda rude. Guess not. He hardly talked to me at all during the first few hours, but I didn't care. I was too busy to really chat anyway.

No, the thing that *really* bothered me was this. Apparently plans to hang out after work tonight had been made, and I was very much NOT a part of it. No one ever even *asked* if I was available. How do I know? Cuz Nicole and Chris were talking about it while we were all working in the same aisle (and I was *right* nearby, so it's not like they were trying to keep it secret).

But of course, after Nicole left this evening, Chris was as chummy as ever. Between this and Nicole's snarky "you don't eat" comment last week, could this be her doing? We get along just fine and I can't think of any possible reason why she wouldn't want me around. I can't imagine Chris wouldn't have asked me to join them, not unless he's really, really two-faced.

Why can't people just be straight forward? I almost always feel like I overreact to situations, but in this case something just feels wrong. I don't have enough $$ to spend on random things this week anyway, so it's just as well.

I feel like a small heifer today, so lemme see if I can remember what I ate:

almond butter and jelly on wheat
an apple with lf peanut butter
a udon noodle bowl with sauce and sesame seeds and veggies added in
1 chocolate covered caramel
2 fudge stripe cookies
2 dark chocolate Twix bars
a blueberry bagel
small bowl of lettuce with lf dressing
veggies, a veggie burger, salsa, and 1 slice of rice cheese
1 tiny bag of Smartfood

Blech. Cow status remains. At least I can pick up a lot of REAL food at Whole Foods tomorrow. I haven't been there in far too long, and my food log shows it. :p

NYC!
Maybe this weekend. I feel like I've been saying that forever, haha.

Boston!
Still gotta work out what Saturday people can go. I'd like to go in August, but if it has to be pushed back til September, that's okay too.

Nothing more to see here!

Yesterday! etc.

Oh, fine. I guess I won't hide! ;)

So yesterday Rich and I met up with Nick, who's back from Japan for a few days (and Nick, if you're reading this, obviously I had no idea before you said so yesterday evening! haha Not that I've ever written anything bad :p but it *is* kinda weird to think that lots of people I know *could* be reading this but just never comment. Gah). I must admit it was strange pulling up to his house again, since I don't think I've actually driven there since. . .the summer of 2001? In any case, it's been a long time. Yikes. We were met by Nick and his Mom, who I also hadn't seen in years, and who promptly remarked how skinny I am. The way people sometimes comment on this, you'd think I was 90 lbs or something. ;p

We headed to the Mews for dinner and some drinks. I had chili with all the fixins and Sea Dog Blueberry Ale (or whatev). Still don't know if it's that or the Long Trail Blackberry Wheat Ale that I've had before. . .oh well, this one was very good. We were there for a little while, talking about this and that. I've still gotta say that, after the story of what happened to that guy in MA, I'm really surprised I haven't been taken away yet. If I ever stop writing in this thing suddenly, at least you'll know what happened, haha.

After we ate, we drove to Rich's apartment where we hung out for a little while and the guys talked about some computer science and math classes they had both taken. I kinda zoned out during all that, but it's okay. ;)

Starbucks was our next destination, mostly thanks to the Free Drink coupons Nick gave us. He used to work at the Sbucks in EG and managed to swipe a bunch of these before he left-- good for any type, any size drink! The guys used theirs, but I decided to keep mine for another time (actually, I don't think I'm going to Starbucks this week O_O, mostly cuz I NEED to go to Whole Foods and I probably won't have time to do both). Besides, how fishy would it look if all three of us used them? haha

After talking about more cheery topics such as impending natural disasters that are bound to destroy a good part of the country, we actually went to Hell*Mart cuz there was some computer thing there that they both wanted. I'm a little surprised at how non-averse Nick is to shopping there since he also did time there during high school (and after we talked about its awfulness during dinner) but alas.

It was around 9:30 when we left, so we brought Nick back to his house. I have to admit I was a little sad about saying goodbye this time because, even if he *does* come back next year or so, I have no idea where I'll be, who I'll be with, or what I'll be doing. Well, hopefully we'll stay in touch and who knows, maybe someday I *will* have enough spare $$ (for plane tickets and all the drugs I'd need to survive such long flights, hehe) to go visit.

After Rich and I got back to the apartment, he played the rolling ball of stuff game and I read more Harry Potter. I finished the book this morning and wow. One of the majors things that happened was predictable, but some of what happened really surprised me. How long until the 7th book? haha That's okay, I need to go back and read the 5th sometime and there's still the movie of the Goblet of Fire coming out this winter.

Today I worked 1-9, as usual. "Kevin" was actually NICE today. It was a bit unsettling and for the first time I actually felt bad for being cold towards him. It would be nice if he was this way tomorrow, and hey, it could happen-- his usual minion isn't going to be there.

Unfortunately, I also ate more than God today. :/ As soon as I got there, even though I had eaten lunch right before leaving my house, I had Twix bars and peanut butter crackers. Then I had my usual blueberry bagel and coffee during my break. As soon as I got back from *that* I devoured two Hostess cupcakes. Trust me, that's a LOT for me to have during my 8 hour shift. I was so close to breaking my 2-month streak it's not even funny. And as soon as I got home from work I had a can of lentil soup with added in veggies, 3 stuffies my Dad made, and 2 fudge stripe cookies. Ugh. Talk about reflux. . .it's still haunting me.

Guess that's about it. I probably won't write tomorrow unless something amazing happens, so don't hold your breath.

ETA: so it's just past midnight and I am *not* feeling healthy. Dizzy, nauseous, very blah. I downed some Emetrol, but I think I had drank water too soon beforehand for it to work. So I decided to eat some of the rice crackers I have, but I'm not sure that did anything to help. Grrr, I hate feeling this way. Hopefully it's not something I ate earlier, especially since the one time I got food poisoning it was from seafood my parents made. I think they may be trying to kill me, heh.

Hiding

I feel like doing just that.

Today's been fine so far, I think I've just been very open over the past few days and I'm not used to it. I might be over the actual ED behaviors and I've been relatively not-depressed but there's still that part of me that thinks I'm better off sitting down, shutting up, and remaining unimportant and unknown.

Still not sure how to shut *it* up for good.

Today will probably be better once Rich and I leave the apartment, so no worries.

Hope everyone has a good day. Go listen to Avenue Q! ;)

Only For Now

Onto my more usual entry. . .

Today was a pretty blah day. All I did was work. Seeing as I got up at 9:30, by the time I got home from Rich's place, there was hardly time to do anything.

Work was okay. The delivery yesterday had been huge, and partially thanks to *someone* (whose name just happens to begin with a K) being an ass, it took them a long time just to get the totes out on the floor, never mind actually unpacking them. So all I did was put away Aisle 11, go on my break, and then start Aisle 10. Chris and I talked very briefly, but Lora was around until 7, so that was a major deterrent to socializing. Rich stopped by during my break at DD, so that was good. (Side note: Chris said he'd be upset if anything happened to us. :p He said that since he's met me, you [Rich] have also been around and that we're such a good [and SANE, compared to the drama he's had to face, haha] couple that it would be tragic.)

And then I came home. Um, can I just say that my parents are inconsiderate perverts? Because they are. I really don't even want to explain, but it was awkward for me to be in the kitchen eating dinner, if you catch my drift. God, it's not like I'm not old enough to know what's going on. @_@ Those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, be glad.

Tomorrow Rich and I are meeting up with Nick at some point. I know we're going to the Mews, probably for dinner. Nick had asked if there was anything new in the area that we could go to, but besides Starbucks, I couldn't think of anything interesting. It'll be good just to sit around and catch up, in any case. I'm sure a year in Japan = many interesting stories, haha.

Well, sorry for such a boring entry. Today was kinda draining and I think I just need some sleep.

ETA: I got the title from the last song in Avenue Q, "For Now." Been listening to it a lot lately. That and "There's a Fine, Fine Line" from the same show. I completely love the role of Kate Monster. If only I were still into theatre, I'd learn puppeteering just so I could audition for that show/role, haha.

So Fucking Angry

I honestly couldn't eat lunch.

It has nothing to do with yesterday's entry. In fact, I feel bad for even spending energy worrying over something like that. Not that our relationship is not important, but there are so many other, larger things in this world to get worked up over.

Grr.

The Conflict Explained

I don't normally write entries in here about stuff I've written about in my notebook ( the notebook of scandal, if you prefer :p). But I've mentioned that something not cool's been on my mind lately and I even explained the situation to a few people (well, Chris and Jen), not so much for advice but just cuz I needed to vent.

Rich, I hope you don't mind me making this public. If you do, I'll delete it.

We have been together for almost 3 years now and, as a whole, they have been great. They have not always been easy-- Rich has put up with a lot more from me than I'm sure many other guys would have. But we have also had a lot of fun times and especially because I am serious about being healthy nowadays, one would think that things are only going to get better.

But.

You wouldn't probably say that Rich and I have a ton of things in common, but I don't necessarily consider that a problem. We're both fairly easy going when it comes to things-- I've watched a lot of movies he's wanted to see, for example, and he probably knows more about musicals than most other 22 year old guys, haha.

Unfortunately, two of the biggest things we downright disagree on are making our future questionable. First and foremost, if we were to get married, Rich wants at least one child. I don't want any. Period. I have about a billion reasons, but that would take up another whole entry, so we'll just leave it at that simple fact; no kids. Secondly, I don't particularly want to stay in RI. But Rich is already established and happy in his current job here, and no reason why he shouldn't be. He likes what he does, gets a great salary and benefits, and gets along well with his coworkers. Although he's said he might *eventually* like to move, maybe to Texas or somewhere, I'm guessing that would not happen for quite some time. The only other branch of his current company (that has software engineers) within the US is in St. Louis. I've never been there, but I'm not too sure it's a place I'd like to live. :/ Similarly, Rich seems less than enthused when I mention wanting to live in either Tennessee or Kentucky, or at least somewhere around there.

What are we going to do?

We've known about these disagreements for awhile, but it always seemed like something we could worry about "later." Unfortuantely, "later" is coming closer and closer, and we're facing some tough decisions.

I am not willing to budge on the not-having-a-kid issue. I am *more* willing to compromise on where I'd like to move to and hell, if it REALLY came down to it, I guess remaining in RI would not equal failing at life. :p I mean, come on, I still don't know what I'm doing after I graduate, so my living options are really wide open

We managed to talk about it a tiny bit tonight, but the idea of us breaking up is something neither of us really want to think about. Hell, I've been in a previous long term relationship that fell apart around the 3 year mark, and it was awful. I was so depressed and was already facing so much confusion and disappointment with every other area of my life that Nick calling our relationship off just completely crushed me. It's no surprise I jumped into Kevin's arms what. . .two weeks later? I would like to think that if I had had an ounce of self-worth, I would have realized that dating a guy I disliked from the first time we met was probably not the smartest idea in the world.

But at least with Nick, things had been going downhill for awhile. I knew he liked Chelsea, I even knew that they made a better couple, but I refused to let him go because I needed that one constant in my life. With Rich and I though. . .as I kinda said, nothing's really wrong. I'm in a MUCH better spot life-wise than I was back in 2001, but it just seems so pointless for us to separate.

What if we really can't come to a conclusion that makes us both happy though? What if we know that we AREN'T going to be together in the long run? When is it time to say goodbye, in that case? :(

Well, I'm ending this entry here. Maybe I'll write a little more on the matter later. There's a huge cockroach nearby that keeps clicking ominously and it's kinda freaking me out, heh.

Edited to add:

Ate the rest of my sandwich from the deli, read some stuff online and finally I'm back. I guess there's not much else I can say about what I wrote. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but damned if I can see the reason behind this right now. I don't like uncertainty. I wish I could fast forward several years from now, just to catch a glimpse of what's to come.

The only other thing that crossed my mind tonight is an entirely different matter. Maybe it's cuz I've never had much of a social life (although I think, for once, I can honestly say I'm happy with that aspect of my life right now) or cuz my parents basically ignore me, but I find myself frequently wondering if people ever think of me when I'm not around. I know I think about other people frequently, even those whom I haven't talked to or seen in years. I find myself wondering what happened to people I used to be friends with-- where they are, what they're doing, things like that. But I have a hard time shaking the feeling that I am far too unimportant to be on anyone's mind. Maybe it's not true, maybe it is. It doesn't really matter, it's just another thing I was thinking about.

Today/Warning Entry

Hey everyone!

Today was another very good day. Yeah, I had to wake up really early, but I had a lot of things to do-- laundry, yoga, a trip to the bank so I'd actually have money to name just a few.

Travis and I met up at Starbucks again and I had my third frappuccino of the year without any problems, heh. I swear to you it looked like guacamole, but looks aside, I'd get the green tea frap again. I know I said I'd get a donut next time I went, but my stomach was actually not feeling too great earlier in the morning and I didn't want to risk destroying it completely. So the donuts remain a mystery.

Anyway, you all don't need to know what we conversed about, though I swear it was nothing sketchy, haha. There were a few interesting instances, between Travis smacking a random lady that walked by (hehe) and, though I didn't mention it at the time, this couple sitting nearby who gave us weird looks every so often. I don't think they appreciated what we were talking about. ;p

Afterwards, I went home, played bass and read Harry Potter (only 100 pages left! O_o) until Rich came over. We went to the Deli, Game Stop, and Barnes and Noble before heading back to his place. He got the Japanese "rolling ball of stuff" game. . .Katamari Damacy or something like that. It's possibly the strangest. game. ever. And has many blatantly gay, sexual undertones, haha. So yeah, I'll probably be playing *that* tonight!

I have another entry for later, probably when it's 1am and I'm still not tired. And I swear the horse story is coming up too, but seeing as I'm on Rich's laptop tonight, I can't exactly post a story that's on my computer at home.

All for now. . .

Too Early x_x

The only bad part about staying at the apartment-- everyone else needs to go to work ridiculously early, so I inevitably wake up at 5am too. Blah. And not like I normally go to bed early when I'm here, either. I've tried to, at 10 or 11 or whenever the guys usually call it a night, but unless I'm currently going to bed at that time *anyway* I just toss and turn until it *is* 1 or 2 am. And that's no fun. So as a result, since Rich got back from Texas, I don't think I've gotten even 10 hours of sleep while here, in total. It kind of hurts my soul.

Guess I'll go home now, make my cornmeal stuff, go for a walk (and run too if I feel like it. . .right now I don't! :p), and then whatever after that til work. Actually, that means I need to go to the market on my way home, cuz I don't have any honey. And cornmeal stuff without honey is just wrong, though none of you all would know that since I'm the only one here with an obsessive love of Indian/Ayurvedic food, haha.

I'll probably post the horse story some time this morning, but that'll be it for the day.

I'm still planning to go to Starbucks tomorrow so ::ahem:: hopefully I'll be hearing from somebody tonight about meeting up there. ;)

Think that's about it.

I Am Such a Liar

Cuz the horse story is almost, but not entirely done. I'll post it tomorrow sometime.

So since I can't offer you that to read, I'll just go off on an entirely different tangent, hehe.

There's going to be a new show premiering on FX soon called "Starved." As you can guess, it's a show about EDs. What made me and a lot of other people so angry is that it's going to be a sitcom. A comedy centered around 4 eating disordered people. Lovely. >:(

Quite personally, I'm not sure what's so funny about anorexia, bulimia, or compulsive overeating, considering they are responsible for the death of more people each year than any other psychiatric disorders. Anyone who has ever had a problem or has known someone with a problem would also, I'm guessing, agree that the show's premise is completely tasteless (no pun intended, heh). It's bound to just perpetuate the many stereotypes that already exist about EDs-- which aren't taken all that seriously by the public in the first place.

When the show was first announced, probably about a year ago, there was a fair amount of outrage from various ED prevention/awareness organizations. If I'm not mistaken, there were even several petitions online to stop the show from being carried out. I originally heard about it on one of the Broadway message boards because the leading actress, Laura Benanti, is a Bway performer (she was Cinderella in the revival of Into the Woods). Even on a forum of regular people, the idea of an "ED comedy" was met with mixed or outright negative responses. And on the ED boards I used to read. . .yeah, people were not happy about it.

A few people didn't think it would be *too* offensive. Apparently Benanti struggled with anorexia when she was younger, so people figured she wouldn't have agreed to take part in the show if it really made light of the subject. Other people said it wouldn't be too different than hearing, say, jokes about bulimia on Family Guy, but I have to disagree with that. I DO find the ED related jokes on Family Guy to be funny (hell, I probaby get a bigger kick out of them than anyone else I watch it with ;p) but 1) the show is not JUST about that and 2) FG pokes fun at everything and it would be silly to get offended. I just don't see how a comedy that is ONLY about eating disordered people is going to last that long. There are only so many jokes you can make about the subject before they get repetitious and boring, so I'm hoping this show lasts about as long as Kirstie Alley's Fat Actress did. @_@

So what's next? A comedy about heroin addicts? Schizophrenics? Cancer patients? Gah. Just another reason not to watch TV.

I'll be online tonight; you know the drill. ^__^

(and for the record, I am still going strong. It will officially be 2 months purge free in a few days and I'm no longer afraid that a slip is "bound" to happen some time soon. 3 months, here I come!)

You Love This and You Know It

This = warning entry! :p

I've been worrying about stuff since earlier tonight, so I finally forced myself to stop laying around listening to music that was only reinforcing my mood. Nope, I came back online and started writing the first non-conflicty things that came to mind. . .so now I have a nice little story about this one horse I used to ride. It's not quite done, so I'll probably finish it and post it tomorrow.

Oh, well. Sitting around feeling sad is actually progress. :p A few months ago I would have just drowned it out with food, food and more food, so hey. Give me some credit, heh.

Add Oasis' (What's the Story) Morning Glory? to my list of current CDs of choice.

Later.

Ugh, Not Much to Say

Work wasn't good today. I was mad at "Kevin" and one of his adoring fans, didn't feel like dealing with customers (but I was unwillingly made 2nd ringer and so I had no choice), and was a bitch all day for both of those reasons. I was even completely snarky to someone who made a loud, mocking comment about us having to card obviously of-age people. I really just did not give a fuck cuz I was tired of dealing with stupid people all day.

Then I got home and found the place completely dark. No note on the counter, though my Mom's car was in the garage, so I had no idea where she was. I used the bathroom just outside my parents' bedroom though and it appeared that she was already in bed-- which was weird seeing as it was only 9:30. I guess that's not weirder than what happened Thursday (?) night, when I stopped back home aftetr having dinner with Rich and found her sitting in the dark, crying. Since my family doesn't talk about stuff, I didn't even bother to ask. I assumed if someone died or something else important had happened, she'd tell me. She didn't say a thing. I still don't know what happened, and now I have no idea why she was in bed so early. Small things like this make me nervous. :/

And I need to stop eating soup. The past few times I've had it, I could only finish about half the can and also got terrible reflux. I hope I'm not like this forever, because it is the epitome of annoying. I had been hoping to work out a little tonight, but there's no way in hell I'd even attempt it right now. Guess I'll just have to stay lardy until morning.

Hopefully the rest of this week will be better. As for now, I'm gonna go read more Harry Potter, and then I have a really long email to finish/send to Jen.

Carb Free Water

There's this place on Rt. 2 that has signs out occasionally advertising "carb free water." I really do wonder about that. Actually I wonder MORE about people who BUY that, haha.

Work is still such an interesting place.

I had good convos with Chris and with Lisbeth today but some of it was Brooks stuff, so I doubt it would matter much to you all. Although I did find out that Chris ate a grasshopper to get extra points on a science test once. I said I'd rather just take the bad grade, lol.

"Kevin" wasn't there today (thankfully v_v) so we had an assistant manager from Wakefield come help us close. I don't know what *he* did all night, cuz I had to act as the shift manager to make sure things actually got done. I know it must be hard to run a shift in a completely different store, but come on. The dude hardly even talked to us. *I* had to make sure everyone got their breaks, *I* faced the whole store (including aisles he supposedly did), *I*made sure vacuuming got done, film got logged in, returns were put away, etc. etc. Everything got done, all thanks to me. I swear I *should* get an assistant's pay for today (then again, I don't want to be blamed for anything that didn't get done so well, so being just a cashier isn't always a bad thing, haha).

The only weird bit happened early on. I was in the office with Chris, the Wakefield guy, and Nicole, who was about to go over to Roch's to buy some food. She asked the other two if they wanted anything, and then she turned to me. Nicole started to ask me the same thing before interrupting herself with "Oh, nevermind. You don't eat anyway." But it didn't seem like she was kidding, and no one laughed. :/ Thankfully something came up so the topic of discussion jumped to something else, but still. I don't know why she'd say that. True, I don't eat in the break room anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't eat anything during my breaks-- hel-lo, Dunkin Donuts.

Oh, well. Nicole's a little obsessed with food and her weight, so she was probably just projecting some kind of weird thoughts onto me.

I considered having low fat cream cheese with my blueberry bagel today, but I was hungry before my break and had a Milky Way Midnight. So I still just had my plain bagel and black coffee.

I also got to develop pictures of lesbian porn tonight. Uh, sorry. . .not exactly what I was hoping to see. >_< Funny part is, I just *knew* when this guy dropped off his film that there was going to be SOMETHING sketchy-- I totally got that vibe from him. I also thought it was strange because I could tell before I developed it that only a few of the 27 pictures had been used. But he didn't waste any of the shots he DID take, apparently.
Seriously, people. Make all the amateur porn you want, but get a fricken Polaroid camera first. :p

Then I came home, found a note from my Mom saying "out somewhere, be back later" (yeah, try "at Chris' house"), ate soup, and had MAJOR reflux afterwards :(. But now I'm here and I'm doing quite a bit better.

And seeing as I'm now talking to people on AIM, I'm gonna end this entry abruptly. Goodnight!

What to Write, What to Write. . .

This'll probably be as random as some dude giving Rich a package of Jello shots tonight in the Cumbie's parking lot. Sketchy! O_o

History wall!
Chris and I had the best time at work yesterday, haha. We put up the picture of Stalin on our map and it's beautiful. :p For some reason, I mistakenly thought it was a world map, but it's actually just of Europe, so we'll have to stick to leaders from those countries. Mussolini may be next, just cuz a bunch of us are 100% Italian, so it's kinda fitting. :p
Neither Chris or I are too familiar with European history though, so he had a brilliant idea that we *could* run with. Since he's a georgraphy major, he has a lot of maps, including several good ones of the United States. SO, he's going to bring one in and we're going to mark with pictures and stuff where all kinds of historical events have occurred. Groan all you want to, but we were happily brainstorming ideas all night long! You already know my main interests, but he's into natural disasters and stuff like that, so there's going to be an odd assortment of things on this map. :p
Of course, we know that as soon as we get this project up and running, the DM or someone high up is gonna come in and take it down. We're not doing anything wrong; we're just trying to educate our ignorant coworkers, haha.

As a side note, Chris has never been to a Starbucks-- ever! Since he lives in Wakefield, I told him we should go to the new one some time. Unfortunately, our work schedules clash so there's never a day we both have free. Ah, well.

Nick!
He's coming back from Japan for a few days and we're going to get together next Saturday. :) It's been about a year since we last saw each other, and we've only talked online *once* since he moved. I'm sure we'll have plenty to catch up on, haha.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!
I'd say 3.5 out of 5 stars. I was hoping for something creepier, especially with Tim Burton at the helm. I thought all the actors were good and all the sets and technical stuff was nice. My main complaint was with the story itself, at least, the extra "family" bits that were tacked on. For a movie titled "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" I felt not enough time was actually spent *in* the factory and like that whole part of the movie was rushed through just to get to the meaningful new ending. Hmm. I was also not impressed with the new Oompa Loompa songs. I *am* glad they used the poems from the book, but otherwise, the creepy little ditties in the original movie were MUCH more effective. The boat ride wasn't very scary either. I recommend watching the music video for Marilyn Manson's song "Dope Hat" to see how that scene SHOULD be done, haha.

Reading!
Got my copy of Harry Potter from Brooks this morning! I'm only on Chapter 2, but I'll probably spend some time reading it tonight. And thanks to Rob for letting me borrow Mein Kampf, though I have no idea when I'll get around to reading it.

Listening to. . .
All Shook Up, RHCP's One Hot Minute and Better than Ezra's Friction, Baby. . .those three more than anything else. I find myself connecting to a lot of the songs on those CDs, not necessarily the *lyrics,* more the music itself. It's kinda weird, but that's the only way I can explain it.

NYC/Boston
Why is getting to NYC always so hard? haha Next Saturday's out because Nick will be here. . .maybe the weekend after that? I was hoping to go to Boston again some time in August, but now Rich is going to be busy on a few of those weekends. I have to figure out some things before setting a definite date for that trip anyway, so we'll see.

Other things:
My stomach didn't bother me very much after China Buffet tonight. I had mostly fried foods, but I really didn't let myself get overly full and I guess that helped. Or maybe things are finally going back to normal. We can only hope. :p

I do have a headache though. I think it's because I've been worrying a little bit all day. It's just not a situation with a clear cut answer. I just don't know how things can be resolved in a way that will work out for both of us. Well, this isn't the place to get into it and I guess I need to stop worrying about it, but I can't get it out of the back of my mind. :(

I think I'm going to do yoga in the fall instead of ballet. Even just practicing a basic barre makes my hip start hurting again, and the last thing I'd want to do is sign up for a year of classes that I wouldn't be able to complete.

Yeah, guess that's it. I didn't have coffee today, so I'm kinda tired. I might go right to bed instead of trying to read more Harry, lol.

Yeah, I'm Conflicted.

Let me see if I can actually write this entry and NOT delete it. If you've caught any of the past two with a similar title, this is just the same thing rehashed. Maybe I'll leave this one up for more than a day. :p

I am not looking forward to the next few months/rest of the year. A lot of my anxiety's just about the usual issues, but there's another situation that will need to be addressed during this time that I know isn't going to be easily resolved. :/

And how have I coped with stressful situations in the past? With my ED or ther self-destructive behaviors, naturally. But I am making really good progress *stopping* that and I don't want my efforts to, quite literally, get flushed down the toilet, heh. It's tough because I've never learned to deal with stressful situations any other way. The last time I was in recovery, back in 2002, I became suicidal cuz I had no idea how to deal with the depression, anxiety and lonliness I had been covering up with the ED. Things got better once I met Rich and during my first semester at URI because I felt like my life was finally heading in a good direction. But sure enough, as soon as I started getting stressed out that summer, I gave up the fight and fell head-first back into it.

I don't want that to happen again.

I feel so self-absorbed for writing about this stuff all the time, but it has been a huge part of my life for about 7 years now and it doesn't go away that easily. It will go away, though. I refuse to be saddled with this for the rest of my life because it's something I need to deal with before I can honestly throw my effort into anything else.

It *is* a topic that I'm passionate about though. I took part in the planning/running of ED Awareness Week activities at URI last year, and I'll probably be doing it this year too. There's also my story, which I'd like to edit the first part of and eventually complete with the past few years' happenings. My autobiographical tale isn't as exciting or impressive as a lot of others', I'm sure, but people left me encouraging comments when I had it online. Hell, a girl from one of my message boards said my story was "inspirational," which is probably the LAST word I'd ever use to describe my life, but hey. haha.

Nevertheless, there are trying times ahead, and I'm scared.
It's a situation that was always looming in the distance, but was easily ignored. Time's running out though, and things are going to have to be dealt with soon.

I wish it were something I felt comfortable writing about here, but unfortunately. . .

Well, anyway. I don't mean to sound like such a downer, because besides being tired, I think today's going to be a good day! And I don't think Rich, Rob, and I are going to NYC tomorrow but it's alright because I may need to sleep in a few extra hours, haha.

Blank Page

by the Smashing Pumpkins has been my theme song for the day. It's like, if you watched a video of my day so far and played that song in the background, it would fit together nicely, haha.

But there have been no blank pages here. I went back to the Wakefield Starbucks today and wrote 6 pages in my journal. I was by myself (obviously) and only had a tall black Verona. When it comes to dark blends, Sumatra is still the best, both taste- and kick in the ass-wise. They didn't have any espresso brownies again but I was VERY surprised to see that they did, in fact, have *donuts!* Does someone from the company read this thing? O_o haha They were just plain chocolate glazed, but they looked sooooo good. I already had cookies this morning though, so getting one was out of the question. They also have green tea frappuccinos which I don't think I've seen there before. That was also out of the question today though. :/ Maybe next time I go with someone or if I have an otherwise good eating day. . .

They already changed the seating layout, too. The two cushioned chairs were moved to where Travis and I sat last week, and I think they moved some of the small, round tables closer to the front of the store. There was a surprising amount of old people in there today, but I still got a seat by the window, so it was alright.

And then I just wrote for an hour straight. I could share some of it here, but I don't know how interesting it would be to anyone other than me, haha. I actually *started* writing a similar entry on here last night just cuz I was so bored. I went to bed early (for me) like every other night this week, but sure enough the one time I stayed up until 3am, no one I usually talk to was online/did not have an away message up from 11pm on! So yeah, thanks guys. >_< ;)

Later today Rich and I are going out to India for dinner. They better have mango pickle! Mmmm, I would bathe in that stuff (and turn yellow permanently from all the turmeric, haha). And then I have no idea what we're doing. Probably watching a movie, as usual.

NYC plans are still iffy, cuz the forecast is saying isolated t-storms for Saturday (there, not here). And since we planned on walking from Grand Central Station to the Museum, that would be less than cool. It doesn't really matter to me, since all my Saturdays are free but since *someone* is privy to leaving me on the weekends. . . ;0

That's it for now. Even though I'll be at Rich's apartment, there's a good chance I'll be online tonight. But if no one's around to chat with, I'll go play video games or something instead, hehe.

16.9 FL OZ.

Apparently that's how much is in a 49 cent bottle of water from Brooks. :p

Yeah, so I just got back from work. Nothing too exciting today, probably cuz none of my comrades were there, hehe. I always dread Wednesdays cuz Lora's the closing manager, but I very rarely have a bad night when she's there. It's very true that you can't slack off or snack or hang out in the office while she's around, but she keeps you busy enough that the time passes quickly.

(And I thought it was funny cuz she basically said she's pissed at "Kevin" because the store has looked awful after the past few times he's closed. I SO wanted to tell her about the crap he pulled the other night [I'd get into the story, but it's probably not that interesting to most of you], but I'll give him another shot. If it happens next Monday, I *am* going to speak up.)

I'm surprisingly not tired tonight, even though I went for a 30 minute run before work. It's all because of the 3 (yeah, I know-- a whole THREE) cookies I ate after lunch. For some reason I felt guilty about them and about the pb&j I had eaten for breakfast, so I made myself run even though I did yesterday and my legs were kinda sore. I think part of that guilt was still about the 2 Drumsticks I ate last night at Rich's, but hell, I've done so much worse.

All I ate today was:

pb&j on wheat
chunky applesauce
a Rice Krispie treat
a veggie burger with BBQ sauce
3 organic mint oreo-like cookies
a glass of 100% passion fruit juice
blueberry bagel
probably 1/2 cup of veggies

that's it. probably have a few seaweed rice crackers if I'm up late tonight.

Tomorrow I'm definitely going to get coffee somewhere so I can write. I have a ton of stuff for my journal, none of which I'll elaborate on here. :p If you saw my earlier, now deleted entry, maybe you were able to glean some hints, but you know I like being sneaky about what's in that thing. Haven't decided if I'll go to Sophie's or Starbucks yet. Sophie's is closer but Starbucks is. . .Starbucks. So it's worth the drive, haha.

I know we're probably going to NYC on Saturday (if it doesn't rain!) but I really want to go to the Lucy Parsons center in Boston at some point. One of you guys probably has some idea what that's all about. ;) But that trip will have to be in August some time so I'll have a little money to spend there.

I guess that's all for now. I had coffee with my bagel, so I know I'll be up later than 12 tonight!

Mission Accomplished

But unlike with Bush, I actually mean it. :p

<-- That's not the picture I'm using, but I thought it was interesting, haha.

Time for Sophie's!

Don't you love mostly pointless entries?

"There's a Reason We Wear RED"

hahaha, oh gods, today was too funny at work (at least the first half of the day was).

First, I gotta give you some background. You've probably seen me mention the "Stalin thing" at work and are wondering what I'm talking about. It's like this:

Last week, this guy named Frank was fired cuz he called out a bunch of days, including the 4th of July, telling Lora that he had "worked every holiday since he started working there." That's not the type of thing you tell Lora, because she IS the type of person who would go check the old schedules-- and that's just what she did. He had actually only worked two minor holidays, and I guess this pissed her off enough to fire him right then and there.

So, when this week's schedule was posted, Chris and I noticed that, if you didn't know where Frank's days had been listed, it would just look like a normal space on the page. For some reason, this totally reminded me of how Stalin had people "removed" from photographs, etc. so that it seemed they never existed. Since Chris and I are both history nerds, we found this incredibly amusing. :p Chris also mentioned that if someone mentions a recently fired person to Lora, she acts as though she doesn't know who you're talking about. So that goes along with it too.

Thus, we thought it would be hilarious to post a picture of Stalin in the breakroom-- no one else will understand except us, but that's okay. :p And we're not sure Lora would appreciate us comparing her to such a um, interesting person (haha), so hopefully she'll remain ignorant and just think it's us crazy college kids being weird.

Since I don't have a printer, I haven't been able to print any pictures, but I promised Chris I'd bring in one for Friday. We were joking about it non-stop today-- everyone else was like "What are you guys talking about?!" Like how we now refer to each other as "comrade." And we're going to change our register passwords to the dates of important events in Stalin's life. Then I also came up with the slogan, "Brooks Pharmacy-- There's a Reason We Wear RED," which had us cracking up for a good long while. XD Yeah, we're definitely taking this way too far, hehe.

Today was also funny because I brought in the fruitcake again and Lora completely LOVED it. I'm serious-- and she's not the type of person to go crazy over stuff. I had a few pieces left after Joyce tried some (she thought it was good) and Chris had another piece and I also had some during my break, so I let Lora take what was left home, haha. My Mom also loved it. She didn't have any yesterday, but I was woken up by her yelling "THAT FRUIT CAKE IS DELICIOUS!" at, you know, 7am. After going to bed at 3am. Urg. And then I was nevous cuz there hadn't been that many pieces left and she had gone ahead and eaten a bunch of them. It's hard to get mad at her for eating though, so I let it slide. :p

I still have lots of candied fruit left; maybe I'll make another one! hehe

Later in the evening, a few REALLY annoying things happened cuz "Kevin" and one of the girls that lust after him were working tonight. I don't even want to get into it but if similar shit happens next week, I'm not going to stop my inner bitch from taking over. v_v

Ummm, I really don't have much to say today. Tomorrow I'm going to the park early in the morning, then I'm going to the URI library for some books and to ::ahem:: print out something. Later in the day I'll be heading over to Rich's apartment as usual, but I have no idea what we'll be doing.

Other than that, I'll be online tonight (am I ever not? haha) so you know what to do if you're feeling inclined. And don't forget about the NYC trip, which is still happening unless it rains.

And the Results Are In

Who's eaten the fruitcake so far:

Chris = thought it was pretty good and even ate a second piece, lol. He did pick out one of the large chunks of candied fruit, but that's more than forgiveable.
Liz = thought it was okay
Nicole = liked the bread part, but couldn't handle the fruit. not a fan, haha.
He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (hereafter referred to as Kevin, just cuz I think that nickname suits him v_v) = after refusing and saying "I really don't like fruitcake" he took a big piece and basically said it was awful. then he threw the rest away. to be fair, I *did* give people permission to tell me it sucked :p
Rich = thought it was okay?
Rob = I don't think he was too pleased, haha. hey, I'm not the culinary student here, so nyah. ;)

A handful of people at work still need to have some, including the girl who originally dared me and Lora. That should be interesting, haha.

Food log, cuz I feel like I ate a ton today and I probably didn't

a slice of fruitcake and then a piece later, at work
soyrizo, veggies, salsa, rice cheese
a small handful of BBQ soynuts
a blueberry bagel
a container of yogurt
black bean soup with a small can of veggies added in

I am clearly delusional. :/

I also ran/walked for 30 minutes today.

Today was a good day at work, overall. "Kevin" still pisses me off, but I have to say that he's not *always* a bad manager. For example, he tries to be fair with letting everyone have some time away from the register, but I still don't understand why every other girl at Brooks practically throw themselves at him. Their choice, I suppose. I try to keep things. . .cordial between us, but as I've said, prior attempts to converse or to joke around always failed badly, so I consider him strictly a coworker, and not a friend. At all. I think he realizes this too, but that's fine by me. That's why what happened today was a tiny bit strange.

"Kevin," Chris and Nicole were talking about another get-together at some point today, when I went up into the office. Very awkwardly, "Kevin" asked if I'd want to go to a party at his girlfriend's house later in the month. I said something about the date sounding familiar, so I'd have to see but that there was a good chance I wouldn't be able to. Well I wasn't going to be rude about it. :p Besides, I'm quite positive the ONLY reason he asked was because they were talking about who should be invited while I was standing there. And it would have been even more awkward for me to blatantly NOT be mentioned while I was around. Chris knows I don't care for "Kevin" so he was probably surprised too, heh.

Then my break at DD was semi-interesting. I was openly "looked at" by two frat-type guys as they passed by my table (which only garnered them a death glare/eye roll, haha) and then this chick that came in and was standing in line kept looking at me eat my bagel. There was NOTHING else near where I was, so she had to be looking at me. Why do people find me so interesting? :p

I must admit that the way I've been eating my bagels is kinda weird. I break it into four sections; strip off the bottom layer and eat it slowly, usually putting each peeled off strip down between bites for a sip of coffee; then I pull out the fluffy inside part and eat that; finally I eat the outer "shell", starting near what used to be the bottom. I do this section by section, so it takes the full 30 minutes to eat the damn thing. I know that's highly "ritualistic" and thus frowned upon by every ED specialist in the world, but if it's helping me stop purging at work, that's all that matters. A bagel with cream cheese will probably be the next step, and maybe someday I'll be okay having sandwiches again, but for now a plain blueberry bagel is just fine.

Oh, and speaking of coffee, I certainly won't be using Splenda anymore. I was reading some articles online that referred to a large number of experiments the company that produces it has done on animals-- really horrific things, including vivisection (ie. dissection while the animal's still alive :( ). I don't agree with all aspects of the animal rights movement, but I do try to only buy products from cruelty free companies. I did a whole project on animal experimentation back in high school and the things that get done to them(lots of dogs were used in the Splenda studies) are awful-- and just because something affects an animal one way doesn't mean it would affect a human the same way. Grrr.

Really the only other thing I highly disagree with is hunting for sport. if you're going to eat the meat and use other parts of the carcass, fine. if the animal's population is out of control, fine. but hunting to get your picture taken with some poor downed buck just to say "look what I done shot!" is pathetic. >:(

Well, that's about it. Oh, wait! No it's not!

Rich and Rob and I might be going to NYC *this* Saturday. We are definitely going to the Natural History Museum, right near Central Park. They have tons of exhibits, including a large collection of dinosaur bones and taxidermy (which creeps me the freak out, haha). Naturally I'm extending the invitation to you all, so you know what to do if you think you can survive a day with us, haha.

I Made a Kick Ass Fruitcake!

Of course, that's only MY opinion. The real test will be when everyone else tries it at work tomorrow. O_o;;

I do think it came out surprisingly well. Come on, it's freaking fruitcake. I had a slice just to make sure it wasn't completely disgusting and you know, I may have another before I cut it into chunks to bring to Brooks. :p

I tweaked the recipe just a bit. I think my best move was replacing about half the amount of candied fruit with dried cherries. That adds a nice amount of tartness to it that wouldn't be there otherwise. I didn't add in candied cherries or pineapple cuz I really think all that candied "fruit" would only help make it inedible. I also eliminated the ground cloves it called for (I'm just not a big fan; they are far too overpowering and plus, if you eat too many cloves in a row, your mouth goes numb and you feel really ill. err, not that I would know. . .heheh) and used dark molasses instead of light. The cake itself is really moist and has a nice texture. I didn't add in *quite* the amount of fruit or nuts that were called for, so it's not completely bogged down with "stuff."

Don't doubt my talent. ;)

Last Day of Aloneness

Just kidding! I had NOT been looking forward to this past week for the longest time, but I think it turned out really well-- probably because I didn't just sit around the house and eat all day long. :p And I can't exactly blame being sick on Rich's absence, hehe.

Food log:
2 soy sausage patties
some chunky applesauce
1 chocolate/caramel
curry (green beans, an orange bell pepper, a sweet potato, brown rice, and a billion spices), didn't finish it though
a container of Greek yogurt with honey (SO GOOD. So fatty, too, but it could be a nice 1-per-week thing)
3 slices of homemade pesto pizza (yeah, repeat my comments for the yogurt here. I guess Saturdays are always cheat days though, right?)

After going to Whole Foods this morning, I didn't do much. I was gonna go to the park, but I *really* need to to check my left front tire. It's probably just my imagination, but I could have sworn that my car felt like it was "leaning" in that direction when I was driving today. I'm going out tonight, but my Mom's driving, so I'll have to deal with it tomorrow morning. Maybe a new tire should be my "yay, you made it 2 months!" gift. ;)

And I *am* going to make it 2 months. That's still officially two weeks away, but for once I'm not worried about lasting that long. I don't understand why stupid reflux has been especially rampant lately. The really oily pizza I just had didn't help matters, heh.

I was pissed off this afternoon because my Mom has already packed up SO much stuff (and we are not leaving until OCTOBER) that she already put away all the bowls I use for ice cream/applesauce/etc. and pretty much everything I'd need to mix up and bake the fruitcake! v_v Seriously, I have everything I need except a pan and a few good-sized bowls. There's no way I can go through the boxes since they're all taped up and even if they weren't, there's a billion of them. Worse comes to worse, maybe I'll pick up a cheap pan at Target tonight. I'm not going to work tomorrow without a fruitcake, hehe.

Chris and I were questioning some Brooks policies yesterday, namely whether or not we SHOULD be making time-and-a-half on Sundays, and if we're getting a fair amount of time for our breaks. So I dug up the RI Employee Rights handbook I had laying around here and checked both these matters out. We don't get time-and-a-half because pharmacies are among the types of companies that aren't required to. Even though he and I don't work IN the pharmacy, I guess we're considered to. As for breaks, the Brooks policy is more than generous. Technically, you only HAVE to get a 20 minute break if you work 8 or more hours. Anything else is the employer's discretion. We get a 30 minute non-paid break for 6-8 hour shifts and a paid 15 minute break for 4-5 hour shifts. So all things considered, that's not too bad. If I had to work my 3-9 days without a break, people would die. O_o (But not from my boxcutters-- I lost them yesterday! :( )

I still have to get into the Stalin thing, haha. I'll have to print out a picture of him so I can hang it up in the break room. No one's going to understand except for Chris, Justin (who's leaving for a month, sadly), and I, but that's okay. ^___^

Well, I think my Mom and I are going to Warwick to look for bathroom sets. If only everyone were as lucky as me, hehe.

Pumpkin Ale Should Be Out All Year

Not that I've been drinking *at all* lately, but I could go for a bottle right now. ^_____^

Travis, thanks for clarifying that! I wasn't kind enough to give the whole story, haha. And yes, I'm feeling much better.

Today was another interesting day at Brooks.

I got there at 1, and you know it's a bad sign when the morning cashier exclaims "I am SO glad to see you!" as soon as you walk in the door. Sure enough, a bunch of people dropped off rolls of 1-hour photo at the same time, so we literally had about 18 to do. And although she had been able to start a few of them, the chemicals needed replenishing, the paper was running out, etc.

After she came back from her break, it was much easier to get things done with both of us behind the counter. I was supposed to put the delivery away in Aisle 11, but there was no way I was going to keep running back and forth, so I just stayed up front and did photos while she did most of the ringing. It worked out pretty well, and by 4 o'clock we were down to just 1 roll.

By then the shifts were changing, so the girl I had been working with was getting ready to leave so Justin and Eric could have drawers instead. I finally got to my aisle (dental stuff, diet/nutrition aids, deoderant, and shaving stuff. . .everyone hates putting it away except me, haha). At some point, I needed my box cutters but realized they were in my purse up in the office. It was about 4:30 by this point, so I expected I'd have to find Chris so he could unlock the door, but luckily it was already open.

As it turned out, Chris was *in* the office-- with the other cashier from that morning, aka his ex-girlfriend. And they were fighting. Loudly. I grabbed my knife and quickly left.

5 o'clock rolled around and that = break time for me. Once again, I headed up to the office to grab my purse. Once again, Chris and his ex were still going back and forth at each other over what seemed like something very, very minor.

Now, I like Chris a lot, but this frustrates me to no end. He just needs to tell her, once and for all, that it is OVER and it is NOT her job to worry about who he talks to because they aren't together anymore. Not that difficult! I don't say anything to him because I don't want to get involved, but I usually end up finding stuff out anyway.

So from the time I returned from my break til about 7, Chris was pretty much a siamese twin with Nicole. Normally I would have felt slighted by this (which I've already mentioned happens whenever the two of them are on the same shift), but it didn't bother me too much today. What *did* bother me was how he didn't exactly get any work done during the whole time. Honestly guys, just trade phone numbers and call each other later. Even when Rich comes to visit me, I keep working; hell, I even give *him* stuff to put away sometimes. :p

Once Nicole left though, the rest of the shift was really fun-- maybe cuz Chris wasn't ignorning the rest of us. v_v And Justin came up with the most random quote of the night:

"Nothing says 'I want to conquer you' quite like a Roman nose."

To which I replied, "If you're into that type of thing," and yeah, it was one of those funny-but-I-guess-you-had-to-be-there moments. ;D

And Chris mentioned how there's a "more refined" Newport Creamery being built in Narragansett and we both got a kick out of that. Hell, I don't care what they do, as long as they serve chowder in a bread boule and my beloved PBF & Pieces, hehe.

I also have to find a decent picture of Stalin, but I'll explain that later.

Tomorrow = Whole Foods and cleaning and baking the fruitcake (really, this time!). I'm still considering meeting Rich and his family at the airport too, but it depends how caffeinated I am. ;)

I Need to Write

Um, yeah. Tonight I overheard a phone call I was DEFINITELY not meant to hear.

(If you're looking for my entry about Thursday, it's the one before this one [and for the record, I'm feeling a bit better. Actually, I just ate the rest of the donut that killed me, haha].) ^__^

So. What happened.

I was just laying around reading, as promised, when the phone rang. My Mom had been in bed for awhile, so I wondered if I should pick it up as two, then three rings went by. Did I mention it was past midnight? The phone stopped ringing though, so I figured it had woken my Mom up.

Phone calls so late at night are not usually a good thing and always make me nervous, especially cuz right now, my Dad is away for National Guard stuff (in CA). So, kinda curious, I crept out into the living room (my Mom was on the phone downstairs, in her bedroom) to hear what was going on.

"Did you get my message?" my Mom asked. "I just wanted to talk, that's all."

Yawn. Figured it probably *was* my Dad. Crossed the room to grab some Kleenex from the bathroom.

When I was coming back, I stopped again to hear more, just to make sure everything was okay.

"You just want companionship. . .Well. . .I'm trying to understand. . ."

What?

"What about the other day, when you were supposed to leave the back door unlocked. . .?"

Okay, phew. I was home the other day when my Mom went running and asked my Dad exactly that. So it *was* him. But what about this companionship thing?

More stuff about wanting to talk about it and understanding, etc.

"I just want to know what's going on. . ."

Make that two of us!

"You know I was thinking of you before I went to sleep. Chris, I'm so glad you called."

My Dad's name is NOT Chris.

My Mom does not have any *friend* named Chris, as far as I know.

Who the fuck is Chris? What is going on?!?

At some point she also asked him if he had to work tomorrow. My Mom told me earlier tonight that she was going out to dinner with a (female) friend tomorrow night, but wasn't sure where yet. I don't even know what to make of that now.

I've heard other conversations between my Mom and her friends where she expressed a lot of unhappiness over things my Dad does and the way he acts. Admittedly, some of the things she's complained about, *I* wouldn't stand for. Then again, I also have a backbone and I'm not afraid of showing someone the door. :p Obviously it's easier when you're not married, but still. My Mom has no backbone, and no job. Without my Dad, I don't know WHAT she would do and I bet that's the number one reason why she stays.

I don't know. There is SO much secrecy in my family. On the surface, we all usually act like nothing's wrong when we're together. But I've heard my parents fight, and I've heard my Mom's phone calls, and man, there's stuff I don't even want to mention. But it's all a glaring sign that something uncool is up.

And of course I'm more secretive with them than I am with anyone else. Anyone! People I *work* with probably know more about me than they do. They act like they don't care if ever I try saying something of substance, so I've learned to save my breath.
A prime example of this was earlier today, when my Mom and I went out for dinner. We basically drove there in silence (okay, fine, she mentioned some lipstick she just bought) and then walked to the building in silence (oh wait, she mentioned a nailpolish she just bought). We sat down, and I was waiting for her to say *something.* Freak, she didn't even ask how Starbucks had been, probably because her usual response to my mentioning the place is "Blech, I don't know how you can drink that stuff!" (but the donuts are great! haha). So I tried mentioning this or that, but she gave me the most paltry responses possible. Then I just gave up and we ate in silence. And drove home the same way.

So, around 1 o'clock, an hour or so after "the phone call," I went downstairs to get the rest of the donut. My Mom must have head me, cuz she yelled out from her room, "I can't sleep either!" Yeah, I wonder why not.

Obviously, I have no idea what's really going on. But it's still disconcerting.

It's All Fun and Games Til

someone's digestive system stops working. :p

The first half of today was really great. I'm still the tiniest bit congested, but that's nothing. I didn't run, but I did stretch. It counts, heh.

Had breakfast (almond butter and jelly on wheat; cottage cheese with mandarin oranges), did a tiny bit of laundry, showered, all that stuff. Also started tidying up my room so I can do a bit of cleaning on Saturday. Had lunch (salad, mostly just lettuce and tomato with some lowfat dressing) then just stayed online for awhile, reading message boards.

Around 1 I decided to head to Allie's Tack Shop and then go to Wakefield from there. So I went, looked around (nice flat saddle in the consignment section, but even if I could afford it/needed one, it was a size too small), and left soon after. I decided to stop home again cuz I wanted to get some Friends, just in case I needed them later (Fisherman's Friends, that is! most hardcore lozenges ever, hehe).

I walked in the front door.

Mom: "Did you forget something?"
Me: "Yeah, but I just went to Allie's anyway, I didn't head out yet."
Mom: "Allie's?! Why'd you go there if you're going to another donut shop later?"
Me: ::slightly dumbfounded:: "No! I went to the tack shop. And Starbucks is NOT a donut shop!"

Starbucks donuts would be completely awesome though.

So I finally drove to Wakefield, which wasn't too eventful in itself. It*was* annoying having cops EVERYWHERE though-- even on some of the back roads near my house. Was it due to the heightened "terrorist alert?" Probably, cuz it wasn't otherwise a special day; even the weather wasn't that nice. :p
(Although I must question how having cops driving around would stop a terrorist. I'm sorry, but if someone's willing to kill themselves along with whatever number of innocent people, a cop's presence is NOT going to make them say "Okay, guess I won't!")

Anyway, Starbucks! A major thank you to Travis for spending about 14 hours there with me today, haha. It was definitely a good time. ;)
For you poor souls who weren't there, I'm not going to detail everything that we talked about but to sum part of it up, humanity is doomed and Wal*Mart needs to be destroyed. There just aren't enough ninjas in the world to save us all! ;D
(What *was* the line you said about that? I can't remember what it was, but it was wicked funny, hehe)

Consumed: 1 tall nonfat vanilla latte. They didn't have any espresso brownies and definitely no cheesecake. Sigh, hehe.

The Starbucks itself is very. . .round. I have never been in any Starbucks that was even remotely set up the same way. The door is in front of the counter where you order your drinks, but the seating area is behind all that, literally on the other side of the circle. It's very strange. The only problem that *I* could see is that there aren't many seats at all, not compared to a more usual layout. I'm just assuming that once URI's back in session, a lot of kids are probably gonna head there, but I could be wrong. I thought tourists might be a problem today, but it didn't even get remotely full the whole time we were there. ::shrug::

I had to leave at 4:30ish so I could be home around 5. My Mom and I were planning to have dinner at 7 Moons and for once she didn't change plans at last minute. Amazing.

The downfall of the entire day was this: caffeine and my nonexistant bladder don't mix (not like you all didn't know that already :p), so I stopped at the DD that's on my way home to use the bathroom. The girl was about to clean it, but she was nice and let me use it first, haha. I felt bad for being a pain, so I decided to buy a little something to make up for it. Enter the double chocolate donut.

I decided not to actually *have* the donut since I would be having Chinese food soon, and so I continued my drive home. Once I actually got home though, my Mom said she didn't want to leave until 6 because she wasn't overly hungry yet. No problem, I guess.

But *I* was pretty hungry at this point, so I decided to have a snack since my dinner at 7 Moons wouldn't be as huge as usual (no crab rangoons or fried rice! O_O haha). I made a veggie burger and yes, had half of the donut too.

And then my digestion decided to quit. I think the donut killed it because I had been completely fine until that point. Bad reflux and pain, pain, pain. This was all *before* the Chinese food, too. :/

I didn't say anything, and unfortunately there isn't anything I can *do* for it. So even though I was in pain and not hungry at all, we went. We both ordered pad thai noodles (chicken for her, shrimp for me) but I didn't even have half. It's been three and a half hours now and I'm still getting pad thai reflux. I just hope it'll be gone before I go to bed.

So yeah, *most* of today was good, but the past few hours have sucked immensely. :p

Tomorrow I'm working 1-9, but Saturday is still free. I need to go to Whole Foods though and like I mentioned, I want to start cleaning my room, deciding what to get rid of once and for all, etc. I'm not going to try making plans with anyone, but if anything comes up, I'm around. Rich also comes home that night, around midnight I think. Not sure if I'm gonna go meet him at the airport or not. His brother's going to pick them up, so I don't technically have to, but it might be nice of me, haha.

Time to finish my TR book and lay around in agony. x_x
Talk to y'all later!

Remember the Pop Tart Junkie Days? ;D

hehe, I used to love those things. I just bought a box of the chocolate/caramel ones today but you know what? I actually found them *too* sweet. Maybe it's cuz I'm still kinda sick. v_V

Umm, no real entry today. I'm working from 3-9 (with Chris instead of Lora, so that's a relief) and then I'll be online tonight, just I won't be writing.

I have no idea what is going on with tomorrow-- my day could either be very busy, kinda busy, or completely not busy. AUGH! For once it's okay though because even if the current tentative plans fall through, there is other stuff I need to do. And it will involve sushi, so no matter what happens, my stomach will at least be content. ^__^

I feel bad because Rich tried contacting me like 7 different ways yesterday, but by the time I got his various messages, there was no way I could get in touch with him. Guess I'm just a bad girlfriend. ;)

My Mom is borrowing a book from our neighbor on birthdays, and what characteristics someone born on your day probably has. It's all astrology based, and I can't say I'm a believer in that stuff, but the info for October 19th is eerily accurate. O_o Then again, I looked up Rich's birthday and unless there's a lot of secret plans he hasn't told me about, I don't think his fits well at all, haha.

Well, time for yoga and then lunch.

edited to add: guess I'm not a bad girlfriend-- Rich just called, again. :p And yoga didn't work out. I was feeling 100% better last night, but I'm still feverish this morning. So yoga was just making it worse. Grrrr.

Cuz I'm Never Really Done Writing

One more thing. . .

Also while I was in B&N, I came across this book I had heard a lot about, Assassination Vacation by some chick. Apparently, the author saw the very same production of Assassins that we did, up in MA, and became quite interested in the subject matter. Hm, doesn't sound like anyone I know! Anyway, she decided to go visit historical sites having to do with the deaths of Lincoln, Garfield, and McKinley and then write about how crazy their assassins were.

I had read a lot of good reviews of this book, but I never saw it anywhere and the author isn't any kind of historian, so I figured it would just be fluff.

I was right.

I found the book today and flipped through it. From what I could tell, she merely gives short explanations of what happened and then details her trips to the various historical sites. I didn't really look at where she went, though I did see something about a Garfield memorial.

Of course I HAD to flip to the Czolgosz chapter and of course, one of the first sentences I saw: "The anarchist who shot--" ::buzzer!:: Sorry, wrong answer! If I could bitch slap every author who's made that statement, I wouldn't have a hand left. >;0

And she further pissed me off by writing off Emma Goldman as some kind of crackpot for so fervently believing in, as she put it, the "childish" theory of anarchism.

GAH! True anarchism would be the antithesis of childishness. I mean yes, believing that it could ever come to fruition on a large-scale is a very idealistic point of view, but still. (Then again, the author mentioned something like "I'm more of a 10 Commandments kind of girl myself. . ." and I don't know if she was joking, but that could explain it :p) It made me mad enough to put the book down and leave the store, haha.

Okay, now I'm going back to reading.

If I Had $30

that sheep book would be mine. ^__^ But I'll get to that later. . .

So today, despite *still* feeling under the weather, Jen and I went to Starbucks and then to the Warwick Mall. We had a good long conversation about all sorts of stuff-- none of which I will cover here. :p And while we were there, "The Power of My Love" came on and I was like "I've never heard the real version before!" Yeah, I'm talking about a song from All Shook Up. I couldn't actually hear it that well and I wasn't going to stop our conversation (I'm not THAT obsessed!), but I know it didn't sound quite right without my beloved cast, hehe.

I had a good time and all, but I must admit it's a little weird having a friend on the other end of the ED spectrum. We both got tall frappuccinos, and I finished mine, but I don't think she even had half of hers. And then she decided to get food at the mall, so she ordered the 2-item combo from Panda Express-- and probably had two pieces of the chicken, a few of the vegetables, and like 3 forkfuls of noodles. I wasn't hungry, but considered asking if I could have the rest of her plate cuz there was so much left! haha Don't worry, I know she doesn't eat this way all the time. At her graduation party, for instance, she ate what I'd consider a normal amount. I think it was partly cuz her boyfriend was there and she's told me before that she does better when he's around.
**slightly graphic ED-and-me related, so. . .**
Today was a little scary for me too, but of course I didn't let it show. Then again, it's easier for me cuz *eating* isn't the problem. All I've had to drink at Starbucks for like the past year has been black coffee or nonfat drinks (but I've eaten plenty of their espresso brownies and cheesecake. . .don't ask how that makes ANY sense). Those were all I could trust myself to have. There was one day, in B&N, I was completely stressed out over whether or not to have a frappuccino and eventually I gave in. Bad idea--I couldn't handle it. Bookstore bathrooms are fairly nice to throw up in, but I don't recommend it. :p And of course I felt like shit afterwards, and decided I was definitely not having one ever again. I had one in NYC with Rich though, and then I had one today, and guess what? I didn't die! But although Jen and I have talked about our respective EDs before, and although we must have talked about everything else today, I didn't feel like getting into it again. I'll write about it til my fingers fall off, but I don't relish talking about it in person. ._.
**END**

Speaking of B&N, I went there tonight after dinner, more with the intent of reading some magazines than for journaling or whatever. I also looked through the sheep book again, and all that cuteness should NOT be allowed in one place! ^__^ Haha, Jen and I were looking around in Old Navy and we found a perfect pair of overalls and a straw-type hat I could wear to help realize my sheep-farming dream. Okay, *maybe* not. ;)

I definitely need a new critter in my life. Things haven't been the same since Toasty died (yeah, a lot less SCARY! haha). I won't consider getting something until I know where I'm living over the next few months though. I could always keep it at Rich's place, but then it's not the same. I think next time I *do* get a pet, it'll probably be a teddy bear hamster. Either that or another Siberian dwarf hamster. Black bear ones are apparently evil and the grey and white ones were never that healthy (ie. Moldy, who lost all her hair from some weird skin disease and Ms. Fiend, who had a tumor).

I actually went looking for Japanese beetles in my yard the other day-- probably my favorite childhood pets, hehe. I didn't find any though, so it was quite disappointing. I used to take care of beetles for weeks when I was a kid. They seemed content with the environment I had for them and feeding them blueberries always worked well. It's easy; just peel back some of the berry's skin and then place the beetle on the exposed fleshy part. They sit there and munch happily for awhile and then crawl away when they've had enough. There was one beetle I kept for 3 weeks in this way, and I actually let him go cuz it didn't seem right to keep him around any longer. I'm not sure what the Japanese beetle's lifespan is like, but that seemed pretty impressive at the time, hehe.

Well, that's enough semi-randomness for today. Tomorrow I'm working and my plans have slightly changed for Thursday. I'm going to URI to pick up a few books and then I'm going to Wakefield Starbucks in the morning cuz my Mom and I are (probably) going out to 7 Moons that night. Unless plans with my Mom change, I'm sticking to that instead. And as far as I know, Saturday is still free-- though I might be wrong, and it's possible that Rich is coming back Friday night, not Saturday night. Hmm. Well, just putting that out there, though most everyone I usually hang out with isn't in RI right now. >_<

I'll be online tonight as usual. Humor me. ;)

Also--
Matt: that's weird. Blogger didn't send me an email saying you had left a note, so I just noticed it. If you really do want the record player, let me remind you that I said I was considering giving it up, but I didn't say anything about it being free. ;)

And I *did* come up with some assassin questions, but I'm not quite done yet. I also gotta figure out which site I'll put it up on. It will happen eventually!

Looking Forward To

A few things this month:

-Harry Potter 6! I've got my name on the "reserve list" at work, hehe.

-Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! Johnny Depp? Tim Burton? this needs no explanation.

-The Devil's Rejects! Yes, I'm serious. :p It's actually gotten really goo reviews so far, certainly better than House of 1,000 Corpses did. And hey, if it does bomb totally, maybe Rob Zombie will be more willing to make a movie at Brooks. This is something else Chris and I agreed upon last week. >:)

PS-- Matt: hope moving went well! I'll try to drop a quick note in your blog tonight or tomorrow.

How I Saved Roosevelt?

haha, I never fail to hear that John Phillip Sousa march "The Washington Post" (I think that's the one) played *somewhere* on the 4th of July and all I can think about is that song!

"Are you with the press?"
"Yes!"
"Oh, God! I'm a mess!"

hehehe, Rich will know what I'm talking about (pst, it's the one with Zangara :p).

My Dad marched in the Bristol parade today with what's left of the RI National Guard. Actually, he didn't march-- he got to drive some big truck the whole way, haha.

My day was not overly good because I continued feeling sick. And then I dragged my sorry ass to Brooks for 6 hours to continue being zombie-ish while getting paid for it. Work was not NEARLY as busy as I had expected. In fact I really can't complain because I hardly had to ring any more than usual. Nevertheless, I *really* didn't want to be there by the last hour, but somehow I pulled through.

Apparently I didn't miss much at the get-together last night. They didn't go to Newport at all-- they wound up going to the Cheesecake Factory in Providence instead (dammit! >;0 hehe) My presence would have halted a lot of drama though, because there was this whole big mess over who Chris was going to get a ride with and I guess just a lot of petty bitching went on.

You see Chris made the mistake of dating one of our coworkers awhile ago, and since they broke up on less than stellar terms, getting them to act civilly to one another doesn't always happen. The girl is the one who instigates everything. Even though they're not dating and haven't been for awhile, she gets all pissy if she thinks he's flirting with other girls. She even treated *me* coldly today after she saw me talking to Chris during the beginning of my shift. Hel-lo, that's not a rare occurance! Ugh, and this is why I try to stay uninvolved.

(On a random and kind of amusing note, Chris just finished taking a RI History course at RIC-- and he had to read Brotherly Love *and* parts of Working Class Americanism. I asked who his professor was, but it wasn't Dr. Molloy, haha. I must say that was a O_o moment though!)

Gah, I wish I had more to say, but I really don't have much to report. I *did* have some completely messed up dreams last night. They didn't follow the usual "someone is trying to find me and kill me" pattern, in fact they weren't violent at all. But anyway, some of you all were involved, ::shifty eyes:: hehe. I'd type everything out, but it would take a while. :p

Let's hope this cold or plague or whatever lets up so I can have a better day tomorrow. Jen and I are going out around lunchtime, so I'm sure you'll hear about that.

Thinking About What to Keep

Once again the date we're moving has been changed. Now supposedly we're leaving NK in October ( right around my birthday ;0) and going straight into the condo. I'll still need to stay with Rich until school ends, just cuz I KNOW I won't feel like commuting from North Smithfield to URI every day. Hell no.

So I've been thinking about some of the things I plan to keep and some of the things I might get rid of. Some things I'm undecided over. . .

Like Kevin's high school ring. I never really *asked* for it, and I'm not sure why he gave it to me in the first place. Anyway, I forgot to give it back to him when I was still in Virginia. Before I blocked him on AIM, he *did* ask me for it a few times. I guess the right thing to do would be unblock him or ask him in an email where I should send it to, but I kinda don't want to open up a line of communication between us again. :p I'm not still mad at him for anything, but he was continuing to give me sob stories *how* many months after we broke up? It's not like we even had that great of a relationship. :/
Throwing it out would feel wrong though. Maybe I'll wait on this one. . .

Small collection of beer bottles? Staying (though my Mom's like "You are NOT setting those up in the new house!! HA). Beer caps? Those I'll probably get rid of.

My record player and punk 45s? Hmmm. I haven't listened to any of them in a LONG time, so both the player and the records have just been collecting dust. I think getting rid of them would be something I'd regret down the line though. Hell, I regret getting rid of all the punk *zines* I amassed during my first years of college. Since the player *is* pretty huge, maybe I'll just move it into Rich's place for awhile. We'll have to talk about this. ;) I'll let you play the Oasis record on it! hehe

I have a ton of books in my room, most of which I'm keeping. I've already given a lot to the library, but some of them are just in really bad shape and need to be tossed. I have a lot of magazines, too, mostly horse ones. I'd like to keep those just because they contain a lot of useful articles, but most of the others will get thrown away.

Speaking of horses, now might be the time to sell some of my equipment, particularly my saddle, my tall boots, maybe my old show jackets, too. Oi, I'm gonna need some emotional support when THAT day rolls around. ._.,,

I also have a ton of *papers* in my room-- on the floor, under my bed, in my closet/dawers, etc.-- and most of them aren't things I'm willing to part with. I have a drawer with printed out stories, one with all my bills/grades/FAFSA stuff from school, all my fricken anarchy stuff, all of my journals, tons of booklets/pamphlets/papers about EDs and nutrition from various places, the notebooks from every history class I've taken, and I'm sure I'm forgetting things. I'm definitely not getting rid of any of it, I'll just have to box them up or something.

I'm not too worried. I have til October to figure it out. ^__^

Not going to work today instantly solved the whole Newport question. Now I don't even have to feel bad about skipping out because with the way I've felt today, there's no way in hell I could have gone. I actually fell asleep this afternoon for an *hour*-- and you know how I am about napping. That only happens when I'm really sick, so I guess I really am. I'm gonna *try* going to work tomorrow. . .and if I don't feel well enough to do 1-9, maybe they'll be okay with me coming in later. It's going to be an insane day; it always is. I can't even imagine how busy the Brooks *in* Wakefield must be. That's what those bastards deserve for getting to work right next to a Starbucks. >:p haha

Hopefully I'll feel better by Tuesday cuz Jen and I still have plans. I'm just waiting for her to email me a definite time and then we'll be all set. I absolutely cannot have a sore throat because there's too much stuff I want to talk about, hehe.

I had this strange craving for rice pudding this evening, so I drove over to S&S and bought some. It's weird because I'd only ever had it once in my life, and I didn't remember it being too good. Am I pregnant?! O_O;;;; (hehe, j/k! [I hope-- ::dies at the idea::]) It must have hit the spot, cuz my hunger switch seems to have shut off for the day. . .a good thing, considering everything I ate!

Well, I'm gonna go lay around some more. It'll probably be another early night, so I'll talk to you guys later. And hey, I found my ASU CD, so I can continue listening to it incessently.