pg. 47

I'm actually writing stuff today, but first, LOG:

oatmeal with spices and raisins and maple syrup
curry with brown rice and frozen veggies and tofu
2 chocolate/pecan turtles :p
1 Fastbreak bar (these always make my teeth hurt)
1 can of Red Bull (but it didn't give me wings today, dammit v_v)
cinnamon raisin bagel with lf cream cheese
small Dunkaccino
1 can of NE clam chowder
little bit of apple crisp

So that's that.

First of all, thank you Matt for your comment. ^___^ (yay, the fat anime face!) I am still firm in my not-wanting to share my stories with anyone. One of the biggest obstacles *besides* the fact that they are private is that I will NOT, under any circumstances, change any of my characters names. And as you readers may know, several of my characters are at least semi-modeled after living people. Unless I changed their names, I could possibly be sued, if they were ever published and someone acually noticed (heh). I didn't dare tell my therapist that, cuz she would have chewed that "excuse" apart a billion different ways. @_@

I've been thinking about the whole therapist stuation all day. At one point, I was ready to call the couseling center tomorrow and cancel my appointment for this week and then just not go back. Ever. I am still considering that as an option. I think I am going to give it ONE more week, however. It's going to be difficult though because 1) I've been having very good days lately, 2) I've decided I DON'T want to see the psychiatrist cuz I don't think I really NEED drugs and I am positive she's going to bitch and whine about me being unreceptive or something like that. Or she's going to be like "Okay, your choice" but in a really snotty way. Seriously though. Maybe I *don't* actually need to see her. All the things we touched on last week (a list of "issues" that I thought we should work on) don't seem to fit. FMC and I have been living symbiotically, I had a decent latter-half of the week socially, and I've been in a good mood. I just feel like if this continues til my appointment on Thursday, she's going to question (literally) why I'm even there.

What's tricky is that I KNOW this won't last for a long time. You know me, you know I have mood swings. I have for years. So what happens when I DO get in that really low spot again? I want to learn how to get myself out of it without doing anything self-destructive but I admit that's hard to work on unless I'm actually in that depressive state. Wait, maybe that's why she makes me feel so bad during my sessions-- cuz she *wants* me to fall apart! That makes a little it of sense. ;p

Well, if I feel as bad after my next appointment as I did last time, I really just may call it off. The worst thing that could happen would be the therapist calling my house, asking where I have been. I don't even know if the therapist is permitted to call, or if the secretary always does. I wouldn't care about that. But if Mary Jane (shut up, that's her name. . .I only wish I were referring to something else O_o) were to call, I have no idea what I would say. Even if I told her I always leave feeling worse than when I come in, I think she'd still be unkind. Gah, it's so not fair.

Tomorrow I gotta go to Green Hall and try to work out this thing with financial aid and how I supposedly "did not pay" for this semester, thus barring me from registering for summer courses. I am starting to really hate URI. I'm fed up as it is cuz I'm not graduating in May, and now this crap. I feel like I am never going to get out of here. >: (

Guess that's all for now. I have a RI History midterm on Thursday that I am not looking forward to. It's so much to memorize and so much to write. I got an A in the same professor's History of Labor class though, and the set up to his exams are exactly the same for this class. Well, I'm not too worried. I don't think he'll let me down when it comes time for the final grade. ;)