I Just Can't Do It
I seriously think I'm going to pare my buddy list down to the two people I talk to on a even slightly occasional basis. No reason having 50 names just so I can read people's away messages and profiles. I've already blocked people that I found harmful or annoying. Why not just cut out (almost) everyone else?
There's a handful of people on my list that I just can't bring myself to talk to again. Not cuz I'm mad or upset with these people, just cuz I haven't talked to them in so long that it would be strange. I don't really have anything to say, either, so it was be awkward too. It's not that I don't want to talk, I just feel too unimportant. I don't think any of the people in question probably even care what's become of me. So why bother?
Last night I went to the Starbucks down by Sam's Club. As I was getting into line, I ran into a guy I know from some of my history classes, Travis. We talked quite a bit when we sat near each other in Dr. Klein's class, and although we sit on opposite sides of the room now in my Hist of RI class, we have chatted briefly since the beginning of the semester. So anyway, last night I tried being friendly and making small talk. Maybe you're thinking that's a good step, especially for me-- but you know what? I just felt worse afterwards. It was a pleasant enough two-minute convo, after which he joined the friend he had come with in one of the corners, and I went to one of the tables so I could write in my journal. Nothing bad had happened. I just couldn't shake the feeling that I had been too loud, too scary, too up-front somehow. I was thoroughly embarrassed and upset with myself and avoided even glancing in their general direction although my chair naturally faced that way. It was awful.
This so ties in with my not wanting to IM people I haven't talked to in awhile. I don't want to come across as too needy (I mean, if these people obviously have moved on from wanting to chat with me, why should *I* still be interested?) or anything like that.
Imaginary people are so much easier to deal with.
There's a handful of people on my list that I just can't bring myself to talk to again. Not cuz I'm mad or upset with these people, just cuz I haven't talked to them in so long that it would be strange. I don't really have anything to say, either, so it was be awkward too. It's not that I don't want to talk, I just feel too unimportant. I don't think any of the people in question probably even care what's become of me. So why bother?
Last night I went to the Starbucks down by Sam's Club. As I was getting into line, I ran into a guy I know from some of my history classes, Travis. We talked quite a bit when we sat near each other in Dr. Klein's class, and although we sit on opposite sides of the room now in my Hist of RI class, we have chatted briefly since the beginning of the semester. So anyway, last night I tried being friendly and making small talk. Maybe you're thinking that's a good step, especially for me-- but you know what? I just felt worse afterwards. It was a pleasant enough two-minute convo, after which he joined the friend he had come with in one of the corners, and I went to one of the tables so I could write in my journal. Nothing bad had happened. I just couldn't shake the feeling that I had been too loud, too scary, too up-front somehow. I was thoroughly embarrassed and upset with myself and avoided even glancing in their general direction although my chair naturally faced that way. It was awful.
This so ties in with my not wanting to IM people I haven't talked to in awhile. I don't want to come across as too needy (I mean, if these people obviously have moved on from wanting to chat with me, why should *I* still be interested?) or anything like that.
Imaginary people are so much easier to deal with.
posted by Erica at 2:35 PM
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