Excess

My day began disgustingly early, around 6:15 or so, just so I'd have time to eat a decent breakfast and shower. I seriously look forward to showering now that I have my Lush products, haha. It's bad-- I've actually sat down with the Lush website and made a list of products I want to try. . .but I'm getting a huge bottle of Sonic Death Monkey no matter what! I don't know if I'll have the money for more than that when I go to Boston in February, but someday. If I ever get a job with a decent paycheck, I'll probably blow the first one on Lush products and weird Japanese toys from Newbury Comics! :p

Um, anyway, I had to get up early since I was covering someone's 8-4 shift. I haven't worked mornings on a regular basis in quite awhile- and since getting up early isn't a *huge* issue with me, I don't mind it. It's especially nice to be able to leave in the afternoon, so there's enough time to actually do other things during the day. When I have to work 1-10, I usually don't get out of bed until 10 or 11, and since I have to leave for work at 12:15, I don't have time to do anything.

Wow, I'm going off on so many tangents. Can you tell I've been awake for too long?? hehe Work was actually nothing special, all I had to do was go around counting products all day long, except for very brief interludes of one-hour photo and ringing. There was a little bit of excitement when a drunk guy hit my manager Joyce's car in the parking lot and was so inebriated that he somehow got his car stuck while trying to drive away! The cops came and arrested him and then his car was towed-- but we didn't even know about all this until someone called the store! Luckily her car isn't too badly damaged, though she is going to have to go through the hassles of dealing with insurance and all that. Plus, this isn't the first time something like this has happened to her, either. See, that's why I park right outside the door, even though we're technically not "supposed" to. Our parking lot sucks, and so many people have had their cars hit or vandalized when they park on the ends that I just don't think it's worth it.

The rest of my night consisted of reading an old journal (the one containing some very amusing commentary from the time Rich and I drove down to FL for Spring Break), writing a lengthy entry in the Scandalous Notebook, shopping for food, and downloading a ton of music from Rob's computer. Seriously, he just saved me so much money because he has a lot of CDs on there that I had been thinking about buying! Well, he owes me anyway since I helped him majorly revamp a short assignment he had to do for one of his classes. I felt bad for tearing it apart, but that's what happens when you ask me to look at something, haha.

Only other thing is that I wish my stomach would go back to normal. It's been seriously annoying over the past few days, and I've even cut out caffeine since Saturday since I know that aggravates it. I still hesitate to set any goals for myself, like "I want to go X days purge free" because then I reach that goal and feel like I'm entitled to do it again. Don't ask, I know it doesn't make sense. I managed not to buy binge foods at the market though, even though I'd have plenty of time to this week (trust me, I stared at those brownies for awhile!) I'm serious about trying not to do it, but you know, it's a day by day thing. Hell, hour by hour sometimes. It would be nice to have a behaving digestive system though. I get tired of dealing with it.

Why Even Bother

putting nutritional information on bottles of water? There's nothing in it!

Well as some of you may have gathered, Travis and I ended up going out last night and it was an interesting time, as usual, hehe. There were several "you had to be there" type situations, so I won't bother getting into it. But I will say that it sucks that NOTHING is open in the southern part of the state after 10pm. Even Stop and Shop has started closing at midnight!

I went to work at 1 today and I could tell that my coworkers were nervous that I wasn't going to be in a good mood. I actually talked to Rich right before I went in the store though, as he left me a voicemail last night and another one this morning, so I called him back. They were on I-80 in Virginia, heading towards Knoxville! That means he'd be passing Virginia Intermont's huge stable, which is visible from the highway, and then passing right by UT once they got on I-40. So jealous. :p I haven't checked my cell phone since then, so I'm not sure if he tried calling me again, but he didn't call Rob at all, so I'm not sure exactly how far they went tonight. I guess except for one 2-hour delay they had early on, the driving's otherwise been fine.

As I was saying, my coworkers were like "uh oh," since most of them know about Rich leaving, but I was actually fine today. If anything, only my digestive system was getting me down, because it's been very awful lately. Not that I don't know why. I've recently had some normal days and some not-so, and I've been feeling like I'm standing on this edge where I can either step into really trying to be well or into self-destructing in about a billion different ways. Between thinking about it last night and today though, I think I can find a few reasons to head in the first direction.

Well, I can't stay up too late tonight, because I volunteered to work from 8-4 tomorrow. I don't have anything else going on tomorrow and could use the extra money, so why not?

Gone

Rich left this morning; so far I'm okay. A few weepy moments, and I'm sure there will be more.

Maybe I'll write more later. I'm not 100% sure what I'm doing tonight. Chris said we (well, us and a few other people from work) could go bowling tonight if I wanted to, but I'm not sure if I do. I shouldn't complain when he's actually offered to do something, I know, but I'd rather just go somewhere for coffee and to talk, but that isn't a popular activity amongst my Brooks people. ~_~

Map Thing

create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

Wow, I haven't been anywhere! Actually I have driven through a bunch more states, but I only marked ones that I've actually spent time in.

Don't Mind Me

So I was at the non-Starbucks coffeeshop tonight, just me and the scandalous notebook, completely unsure of what to write. This writing book I've been skimming through recommended simply writing about the people, things, and situations around you when you're stuck, so that's what I started doing. Right at the table next to me was a guy with a very porn-like mustache and a lady that completely reminded me of my Mom's annoying friend Judy. Both probably in their late 40s, and they seemed to be on a first date, since there was a lot of "getting to know you" talk. They didn't discuss it, but I took liberties with my description of them, deciding they had met through one of those on-line dating websites, not through friends or work or something. They sat kinda close together, but the lady's body language gave completely mixed signals. She appeared very jumpy and nervous, keeping her arms tightly folded in front of her chest and slouched over when she wasn't gesticulating frantically. It was very amusing to watch, hehe.

I also wrote about: the rotund teenager sitting in the corner with his laptop, using some kind of japanese-writing program that demonstrated the correct way to write various characters; the middle aged guy who wasn't bad looking from the front, but as he walked past I noticed he had a ponytail that was about twice as long as mine-- not hot; another couple, this one likely around my age, probably URI students. . .only thing notable about them was the girl had a HUGE mass of blond dreds. I couldn't tell, but was willing to bet that she had a nose or eyebrow ring too. Seems like most people that have dreds have one or the other, for who knows what reason.

I escaped to the coffeehouse tonight to try and bounce my mood back up from the bowels of hell that it had dropped to earlier today. You already know THAT drill. I probably don't need to remind you that Rich is leaving on Saturday morning, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it already, etc. etc. You see, I figured it out while I was sitting at one of the tall tables, sipping my black hazelnut coffee as I bent over my notebook-- my life is just a ton of small adventures. Yeah, I know that sounds kinda dumb, but I mean it. I'm not just referring to big events, even the small, mundane stuff can be enough to make my day. This is why I always have a camera on hand or, if I'm alone, I'm never without a notebook or paper of some sort. So many inadvertantly crazy things happen, evne if it's just my twisted humor that makes them that way. :p

Sometimes I think that's what I'm going to miss most about Rich being gone-- not having anyone there to be weird with on a daily basis, hehe. I mean, I *can* be serious about things, but I do like having a good time, even if that means walking around the supermarket looking at weird food products or roaming through the woods at the park, picking up random sticks (or seashells? hehe) I like trying new things, going new places. . .I can do all these things alone, but I usually prefer not to. It's not always easy to find someone who shares this same attitude, though. Rich spoiled me in this way-- I was joking with him the other day, that I helped make it so he can win over any girl now, by being able to take her on a date to an Indian restaurant or out for sushi and then go see a Sondheim show and totally impress her with his worldly knowledge, haha.

But I realize that I can't expect to find anyone that's going to be a clone of Rich or of myself for that matter. All I ask is for someone to be open to new things, because how can you know you won't like something until you try it? (see also: my ride on Old Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disney World. . .yeah, no roller coasters for me-- but at least I gave it a shot!) I guess I'm such a stickler for this because I've grown up watching my Mom and Dad disagree about things frequently. My Dad is so set in his ways and never wants to try anything and I've seen how frustrating it is for my Mom, so I know that I don't want to deal with that. I'm willing to make compromises, but you do get to a point where it's like @_@.

None of this is an issue right now, obviously. This is just me attempting to deal with Rich leaving and the fact that yes, it's really, truly over now and I need to be moving on sooner or later. At least I've been healthier than I was last week, but I'm not looking forward to this weekend and onward. Plus I still need to search for jobs. . .remind me to rant about that (again) next.

Just When I Thought

that maybe I was in the clear job-wise, I got a rejection email from Target this morning. It didn't say *why* they didn't want me, and I'm pretty sure it's just a stock email that they send to everyone who doesn't make it at some point during the interview process.

Now I thought that the guy who interviewed me said that I'd still be considered for regular in-store jobs, but this doesn't mention that. That's kinda too bad, because I figured Target could always be my "fall back job" if nothing else worked out (cuz I KNOW I'm more than qualified to say, be a single department supervisor). So now I feel like I'm stuck without any backup plan, cuz I wouldn't even know who to call to ask that I be considered for a regular position-- my application went to one of the corporate offices, not any of the stores around here. Then that *also* raises of the question of if I could just go to one of the stores near me and fill out a regular application in the store. . .would they see that I'm already kind of on file? If worse comes to worse and I continue to not find any work, I might have to try doing that just to see what happens.

I guess I'll try applying to this Houghton Mifflin job, although the offer as been posted for awhile and with my luck, has probably been filled. Otherwise, I'm back to square one.

Woozy

You know why. I know this isn't ICA, so I won't go into details, but I have only been "good" one day this past week. That's the worst I've ever been, because I did it several times last week too. Different people at work today told me I looked pale or tired, which is not encouraging. I've been acting fine, and I haven't really been feeling down or anything, but everyone thought something was not right practically the instant I walked in the door. I've pretty much lost 5 lbs during this week too, but I don't even care. :/

So I may have to write in ICA regardless. Check it if you're so inclined.

Today was another sucky day at work because ::surprise:: this girl called out yet AGAIN. At least Joyce stayed behind the register for awhile so I could face, so I wasn't stuck up there all night long. it was also a little busier than it had been on Friday, so I didn't have to waste time standing around.

And as usual my coworkers are such "wonderful" friends. A bunch of them decided to go bowling last night. . .Chris accidentally mentioned it and then came up with a lame excuse as to why I wasn't called. Right. I mean I don't care because I couldn't have gone anyway since Matt was here, but it's the idea. Then of course he reminds me that I'm still welcome to join them this coming Friday night, but I don't think I'm going to since Rich is leaving early the next morning, so I want to see him a little bit that night. if it was Saturday night I'd probably go just cuz I'm sure I'm going to need some cheering up. Too bad it's not though. . .

I kinda want to go write my other entry now.

Baconish >_<

Yay!
Matt came down from NH today and we spent a good chunk of the evening/night together. We ate at 7 Moons (sorry everyone, hehe), although we did have to wait about an hour to get a table. We actually left and drove to the ATM near Jim's Deli while we waited! But we got to sit at one of the cool tables though, so it was worth it, hehe.

I ordered nime chow wraps because I've heard about them but never had them. They were okay, but I probably wouldn't get them again. It seemed like they would have tasted better warm, but the sponginess of the wrap itself was kinda off-putting by the time I got to the last one. My usual order of sushi made up for it though,as did the shrimp fried rice that we split. And now I have Matt's leftovers (General Tsao's and the rice) for breakfast tomorrow. . .or a 3am snack if I'm still up by then, hehe.

We then came back here and looked through my old photo albums, as I did have just a few pictures from his wedding. I have continued my goal of pimping out Katamari Damacy to everyone I know, and we both played a few levels each. Then, oh man, we busted out the Harry Potter jelly beans. Matt was exceedingly brave and had not only the soap bean, but a sardine, bacon, and vomit one too! The last one being the only one he seriously *had* to spit out, haha. We had the bacon ones at the same time, and UGH, it was pretty gross. It started out tasting like BBQ sauce, but then it just started tasting like a greasy hunk of fat. As Matt pointed out, it was kinda like the lump of pork fat that they throw in cans of baked beans-- having accidentally bit into those before, I can honestly agree with that assessment!

Afterwards we talked about various things that I am NOT getting into here and that that was it, cuz it seemed to get late really fast. It was a good time though, so Matt, if you read this entry, thanks again for the visit! ^__^

There was actually some other stuff I hoped to write about tonight, but I wanted to get some reading done before bed. So maybe I'll get around to it before work tomorrow, if you're lucky. ;)

Said I'd Write, So

I think the interview went pretty well. There was only one question that I couldn't really think of a decent example/answer for, so I was just like "but if I found myself in that situation. . ." blah blah blah. The guy was nice, sounded friendly enough and everything. I guess I made it to the second round, becuase he started mentioning what my salary would be ($43k! o_o) and things like that. He said someone would be calling me within the next week to set up the second interview, so you know I'll keep you posted. Tomorrow my mom and I are going shopping in the morning so I'll actually have something to wear for an in-person interview.

I think I am feeling a little bit better about the whole deal, so hopefully that feeling will continue and things will work out. It's just weird to think that by this summer, I could possibly afford not only my own apartment but I'd probably even have enough $$ to lease a horse for a few months! O_O (there are some barns around that lease for only $250 a month) That's just too weird to even think about right now. I better not get my hopes up.

Of course, with my luck I'm going to need *dentures* soon. My teeth have been hurting, especially my lower right molars. I know it's from an increased amount ofpurging over the past few weeks, because they were pretty much fine before that and I can't think of any other reason. Everything's been messed up because of that-- I'm not even going to tell you what my digestive system has been like and there hasn't been a day in recent memory where I haven't felt nauseous at least part of the day. Pepto hasn't been helping, either.

Work sucked today because it was only going to be me, Chris and another girl, and she ended calling out. So, that meant I was stuck behind the register all day and it was soooo boring. This might be the situation on Sunday, too, because the girl that's supposed to be working with us *that* night has called out sick for the past few days. I guess I shouldn't complain though, because I *rarely* have to ring, and some days I don't even have a register. And who knows how long I'm going to be around there anyway. . .?

Well, I guess that's it. I'm feeling dizzy for some weird reason @_@ so I'm gonna go lay down.

My Mind Is Everywhere

Seriously, I've been fretting about things that have already happened and everything that's about to happen. I can't get my mind to just stay in the present at all. I had a major downturn before work today, mostly cuz of Rich leaving incredibly soon. I mean it was so bad when I got to work that Chris told Heather before he left that he was worried about me cuz I seemed so upset. :/ But being at work usually helps my mood, and today was no different. It also helped that I got to talk to Heather for awhile.

Next weekend is definitely going to be tough and there's no way around that. And I'm scared because I feel like the only way I'm going to be able to get through this is by hardening myself again. I do mean emotionally. :p Believe it or not, I used to have a hard time getting attached to anyone because I simply wasn't used to having anyone around to be attached to! It felt needy to want someone there, maybe even annoying cuz I was so used to spending my time alone. As a result, I was not very emotionally "there" in my first few relationships. Sure, we had good times and I was sad when the breaking-up eventually happened, but I bounced back with relative quickness. Even when I was with Nick, this state persisted and I know it was an occasional problem. I definitely was not into being affectionate, and sometimes I really didn't want to be touched at all. As a result, going to TN was not much of an issue. We talked on the phone nightly, and on IM, and that was good enough for me.

Things took the biggest downhill turn after Nick and I broke up. Talk about Ice Queen. . .it's almost troublesome that Kevin didn't seem to mind. It got to the point where he'd come to my dorm in VA, and I'd pretend not to be there, hiding on my bed in the darkened room, hoping he'd eventually go away (a few times it actually worked). And when we were together, it wasn't better. I physically shoved him away-- I hated the feel of his arms around me, I came up with any excuse not to kiss him. I made him sleep on the floor even, because just his presence next to me in the tiny dorm room bed was revolting. Of course, I was dealing with the ED and more at this time, so that didn't help. I was just a stoic shell.

I guess it was Damian that started to get through to me, but I don't need to tell you that it was with Rich that I learned it was okay to truly care about someone. For the first time I was actually sad when we were in different states and I no longer felt like physical contact was just something to endure-- it can be a good thing! We were also able to talk about anything, which is necessary when you're with someone like me. :p

Unfortunately, this open-ness is only making this separation so much harder and \ this is one of the things that's currently causing a ruckus in my mind. It was easy for me to become comfortable with Rich because our relationship was such a good one. But continuing to wear my heart on my sleeve is probably just going to get me hurt, and then what? Life would be easier if I could get back into that shell of indifference, but do I really want to force myself to be so cold again? I don't even know if I *could* go back to that; I certainly don't *want* to.


******************************

Interview tomorrow morning, as I said. I'm going to get up several hours before it so I can eat a proper breakfast, maybe do some yoga, and I'll try to have a list of references made up in case I'll need that. I also want to look at a few more things online in case I get asked certain questions, like which area would I prefer to be in charge of and why. Stuff like that.

You know you'll be hearing all about it tomorrow no matter what happens. :p

Changes

Yes, I am shutting down ICA. Since my message board opened back up, I'll just keep the ED journal on there again.

My interview is tomorrow morning at 10. I'm not prepared.

You know, my week is almost up. In some ways I'm feeling better. I wish that this Target opportunity had cropped up a little later-- then maybe I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed. Like I've said, my resume is still not completely finished and if I do have to interview in person, I have nothing to wear. My Mom is going clothes shopping with me on Monday, so hopefully I can find something then.

In an unexpected way, I'm feeling worse. At least it's good fodder for my story though. I'm really trying to get back into that again.

I think that's all for now.

It Sounded Painful (Story Not Inside, haha)

I'll answer your comments tomorrow, promise!

Just got home from going out bowling with some people from work. It was a good time, but sadly as soon as the rest of the crew returns from Xmas break, the outings are sure to revolve around booze, weed and other such substances. Sure, some people drank tonight, but not a lot and it wasn't the main attraction. Oh, well. Like I said, it was fun, even if I still suck horribly at bowling and I was a fifth wheel. :p

Well, I thought I had more to write but apparently I don't. Guess I'll read some message boards and then go to bed. World of Warcraft can wait til tomorrow, so I can actually play it with the sound on!

Gotta Stop Thinking

I am rather torn over this job situation.

To be perfectly honest, I don't normally like being in a "leadership" role-- tell me what you want me to do and I'll probably try my hardest to get it done well, butI'm not typically the well-spring of ideas. :p

I mean, I know that I'd undergo lots of training plus the whole 5-weeks of shadowing someone, but I guess I just don't like the idea of jumping into a brand new environment with tons of new responsibilities in a ridiculously high ranking position. All I really wanted to do was work in a department! haha

Of course I need to get through the first interview before I should think about any of this other stuff. I hate interviews. I hate having to bullshit answers to stupid questions instead of being able to just say how you really feel and risk not getting the job. Seriously. "So, why do you want to work for this company?" "Um, I don't really care about the company AT ALL, I just want a decent salary so I can afford an apartment and other basic necessities and some health insurance." Yeah, I can see that going over well-- naturally you'd be expected to say how great you think the company is, both the store itself and how the various ways they help the community are just the best things going. Stupid, stupid, stupid.Does anyone REALLY give a shit?? (Now granted, there are some companies that I would not have to bs on this particular question for-- the Kentucky Horse Park for example. I loved that place before I even visited it and I DO think they provide a great services not only to the horse industry [such as by hosting events such as the US Pony Club Finals and the Rolex 4-star 3-Day Event] but for the community in general [such as a program that gives inner city children a chance to work around and learn to ride horses, who would otherwise not be able to]).

Ugh, writing that just made it glaringly obvious to me where I should be. Haven't I always said that I don't want to be stuck in some awful job for the rest of my life? But I looked into working at the Kentucky Horse Park and in order to be employed there, I'd need to be a KY resident first since it's all through the state government. So I'd need to be doing something else during the 6 months or whatever that I'd need to live there first. And I've been keeping my eyes open. I've searched for other jobs in KY, but nothing has cropped up.

For all I know, maybe this job at Target wouldn't be too bad. Hell, the assistant managers at Wal*Mart seemed to just walk around all day and be treated like demi-gods for it. @_@ I just need to keep in mind that I can choose to back out at any time but I need to at least give it a shot first. Cuz actually, if I did get the job, after 18 months at the store I begin with, I could transfer elsewhere-- and there are several Targets in the Lexington area! So I could always move and continue doing that until I become a Kentucky resident and can apply at the Horse Park. That's not a half-bad idea. As I've said, we'll see what happens.

So I Called

the lady from Target again this morning, and this time she picked up.

I told her who I was and that I was returning her message. She asked me a few questions to verify what was on my online app, and then came the kicker. She asked if I knew what position I was applying for. In all actuality, I wasn't sure and there hadn't been a space to write anything about that anyway. Before I could even answer though, she said "Based on your application, we're going to consider you an Executive Team Leader candidate. Are you familiar with what that entails?"

My first, silent reaction was "executive?!" because that word immediately conjures up the type of cube monkey office job that I DON'T want. So I told her that I wasn't familiar with what the job would entail, so she said she'd email me a description of the qualifications and responsibilities. And finally we set up my first phone interview, for 10am on Jan 20th. Not this Friday, the next one. Eek?

As promised, she sent the email over about one minute after we hung up. On the one hand, it eased my mind a little bit because it's *not* an office job, rather you are actually out in the stores doing this and that. At the same time, it's a fairly high ranking position! From what I recall reading (I'm too lazy to go open the email again :p) I would basically be supervising an entire aspect of the store, like food (including the instore restaurant), guest services (is it a hotel? haha) etc.; not just the other employees working in those departments, but the products and all that too. I think that I am capable of it, but it would be quite different from what I'm doing now. A lot more responsibility.

Now just because I have an interview doesn't mean I have this job, so hold off on your congratulations. I was reading on a message board for Target employees that this isn't an easy job to get, in fact, even being considered for it is big deal. There are like 2 or three interviews and a leadership test. If you pass those, you do basically have it, but you need to complete over a month of intensive training first. You have to attend 2 or 3 weeks of Target's "business school" (um, I know) and then you shadow a current ETL in the department they plan on giving you for 5 weeks. So yeah, it's hardcore.

Well, I'm definitely going through with the interview process and we'll see what happens. Is this my dream job? No, but if it lets me earn enough $$ to have an apartment and I have enough time to pursue my research and whatever else a few times a week, then I might as well try. If I get the job and decide it's not for me, I don't have to stay. Hell, I don't have to complete the whole long interview process if I don't like it. I'm going to continue to look for jobs in the meantime, in case this doesn't work out for any reason.

But even if I do get this high-ranking position, it's not going to change me. I'm not going to suddenly turn into a capitalism-loving, anti-labor drone. Sure, I'm not going to bring up my interests and affiliations while I'm being interviewed or during my first few months there, but that doesn't mean I'm going to forget about them. I've been pretty lucky at every job I've had, in that I usually get on everyone's good side, so if I can acheive that again, then I can start letting myself shine through, hehe.

In other news. . .nothing really. I got up, called the lady, called Rich, called my Mom, and then played World of Warcraft all day! Literally! I stopped for lunch, a snack, dinner, and another snack, but other than that, I was too busy levelling up my new character! I created an Undead Warrior to replace my hopeless Orc Shaman, and we're already Level 8 and kicking ass. I just hope the game works on my computer, cuz if I have to stop playing once Rich moves, I'm going to cry. No WoW AND no Katamari? ::pain:: hehe

Small News?

Remember the online Target application that I didn't really mean to send but inadvertantly did? Well apparently they got it and it caught their eye, because some lady from there left a message on my cell phone earlier today. I didn't receive the message until tonight though, around 7, and I tried calling her back but her machine said she was out (not too surprising). She wants to set up a phone interview a couple of weeks for now. Okay, I guess. I was getting away from trying to find another retail job, but as long as they can pay me more than Brooks and I can get health insurance, I guess I will take it. I don't like that it's a phone interview because you already know that I HATE talking on the phone and it's just not easy for me to turn on the charm while doing so, hehe. Soooo, I'll call her again tomorrow morning and hopefully I'll catch her so we won't have to keep playing phone tag.


No other news for today, really. I decided to make my World of Warcraft character an orc, and we were doing really well! I was leveling quickly, completing bunches of quests and learning all types of skills. . .and then I fell off a mountain.

Umm, yeah. I did. I had just completed this quest that was up on this mountainous/cliff-y area and while trying to get back to the village, I got lost and ended up falling off the edge and into some random body of water. Normally, dying in this game isn't a problem because you technically can't. Your spirit reappears at the closest cemetery, and you have to run back to where your corpse is, ressurect yourself, and just keep playing. Problem was, I fell off the cliff into an area that was meant for people at a WAY higher level. Not only that, but the closest burial ground was incredibly far away, and I had to find the hidden path to get to where I fell off. Not fun! I did it though, but no more than a second after I resurrected my body, hoping to find my way back, was I attacked by some huge sea monster-- and I died AGAIN! This happened about five times, and finally I got so frustrated because there was NO POSSIBLE WAY for me to get out of that area that I had to delete my character. :( I decided to try out an undead character this time, and hopefully I won't fall off any ledges into way more advanced areas of the game!

This Chapter is Ending Quickly

Less than a month until Rich leaves for Texas. As it is, tomorrow he is going back down there to apartment hunt for the rest of the week. Then he's going home this weekend, and then out with his friends the *following* weekend. After that, it's just a matter of days. . .

It's no big surprise that I've gained weight within the past few weeks; I think lately I've been a little more forgiving in what I will eat to avoid adding yet another stressful area to my life. Of course, now that I *know* I've blown up again, I've been taking some steps to get back down to where I "should" be. Nothing bad, really. Hell, I had a slice of cake when I went to the coffeeshop tonight, but I am trying to cut down on junk *somewhat.*

Away from ICA stuff though. My resume is still not quite done, but I started looking for a job again today. I was only looking on one site, but I decided to broaden the search to other areas of the country, just to see. Sure enough, I found a position available as a proofreader/editor of sorts for a horse magazine. . .in Phoenix, Arizona. :/ I would *love* to live in AZ (my kind of weather!), but how would I ever be able to apartment search or even know if I'd like the area without being able to go there first? If it were anywhere closer, I'd at least apply. Between this and the museum job I found in CA, why is it that all the jobs I'm interested in are on the OTHER side of the country?!

I stopped by work tonight on my way home from the coffeeshop. Heather was talking to Chris on her cell phone, but she put him on speakerphone so we could all chat. They've invited me out *again* Friday night and I really suppose I should go. Cuz once Rich is gone, my chances to go out with people are going to be far and few between. I think that's one reason why I'm not super eager to give up my job right now, though of course I know I have to. I get along with everyone, I know what I'm doing, I have quite a bit of seniority (and thus more leeway), etc. I know I was the "new person" there too at one time and I had to work my way up into the ranks, but it's been such a long time since that was the case that I'm not looking forward to being in that situation again. Well, anyway. . .I will probably force myself to go to rock'n'bowl on Friday night, though I completely suck at bowling. :p

Alright, time to go create my World of Warcraft character. Haven't decided if I want to be undead or an orc yet, hehe.

Fine

something positive about today. . .I smell good! haha

Yeah, there's this place in Boston that I've been wanting to go to called Lush-- basically, they sell overpriced bath/shower/hair/skin products. Since I haven't been able to get to Boston at all recently, and even when I do, there's usually not much time to go browsing in stores, I was delighted to find that I could order the stuff online. So I read people's reviews of the various products and lots of posts on their message board, and eventually narrowed my choices down. I ordered Sonic Death Monkey, a chocolate/orange/coffee scented shower gel and Flying Fox, a jasmine (I think) scented temple balm.

Because all online orders in North America come from Canada, I had to wait awhile for the products to be shipped, but they arrived today! I had such a girl moment, haha. I tore open the box, and before I even got to my products, just the packaging smelled SO GOOD. And then, when I pulled away the top layer of packaging, turns out I received a free item! Nope, this wasn't a mistake. . .this company often tosses in freebies with your order, but I certainly wasn't expecting anything since I hadn't spent very much $$ and was a first time shopper. The free item was a "shower jelly," literally a gelatinous cube of shower gel, called Whoosh-- and it's very strongly scented of lime. Mmm.

I haven't used either of the shower products, but I did use the temple balm on my wrists, and I've been smelling them ALL DAY, haha. Some people complained that the scent of the temple balms doesn't last, but I apparently have no problem with that. Even though I don't usually shower at night, I might just do so because I'm curious to find out how Sonic Death Monkey will be!

Well, that's the only real positive thing for today. I ate a ton this evening and I'm not feeling well. I've had major reflux for hours now, and it's burning my throat. :( Unfortunately, nice smelling shower products don't solve everything.

Good Stuff

I must admit I've been enjoying these past few weeks at work, while a bunch of people are out of state for winter break. Those of us who are left are a great group, though we all have to work a lot more hours than usual since there are just a few of us. Good times nevertheless. Joann, the IPod someone left and we proceeded to play around with, hell, even the customers that were so annoying they were funny. Yeah, today was good.

My resume is nearly complete. I'm definitely emphasizing the awesomeness that was my paper and my experience with researching, both for class and on my own. Now if only I can find a job that will let me utilize those skills. . .
I'll start looking again next week. Getting the resume done was my goal for this week, and I can finish it tomorrow. Baby steps, but that's all I can handle without major anxiety. At least I have the apartment til August.

Man, I just watched this depressing show about a guy who tried to shoot himself in the head, failed, and had to shoot himself a second time. That must be awful. The way the blood was strewn about the motel room, the examiners said in between shots he must have walked into the bathroom and leaned over the sink to get a better look at himself in the mirror, while he was bleeding everywhere and all. The whole thought of it is pretty horrifying, though it sounds like the type of thing that would happen in one of my stories. :p

Back when I was in like, eleventh grade, I sent something into our state's major newspaper for their short story contest. They didn't have any limits as to what type of story it could be, so I condensed the juiciest part of my novel into the word limit and sent it in. I guess they weren't looking to award a story implying a sexual relationship between a 15 and 30 year old, describing the suicide by razor of their schizophrenic friend. (The first time I wrote about this was in tenth grade. . guess I've always been intrigued by the darker stuff, haha) Oh well, *I* thought it was well written. :p To this day, that part of No--Part II is like O_O and incredibly sad.

And on that note, gonna go read some more! Tomorrow Rich and I are going up to the condo (mostly so I can get some towels!) and to the big cnady shop and dairy farm up there. Then we're going out for Indian food, which is probably the last time we will get to do so. Sigh.

If

I were an anime character, maybe I'd look like this.

Assuming my eyes were blue. And I had eyebrows that were a different color than my hair. And a jumping tomato in overalls as a friend.

Tomorrow is when I'm going to resume my job searching. Specifically, tomorrow I'm setting aside time to really go over my resume and make sure everything is accurate and all that. I don't know, I'm so indifferent about it. I spent a little time online looking yesterday, at job listings all over the US, not even just in New England or my other "chosen" states. I still don't know if I should stay here or if I should go. I'm never sure if it makes a difference either way, if anyone really cares.

I've had a constant headache since yesterday morning, the Chinese food bothered my stomach, and I'm still not hungry.

I just don't feel like bothering. . .