Stupid Classmates, More

This story is hardly a surprising one, but. . .

Yeah, so we were supposed to have read this book called Making a New Deal for my history class. I had to read it for a different class several semesters ago and enjoyed it then, so I was glad to get the chance to reread it.

Anyway, today was supposed to be a discussion day, and we'd be breaking up into groups of about 7 students to do so. Now mind you, we were supposed to have had the book finished for last week, but the professor had cancelled class for whatever reason. Oh, but no matter. I was the only person in my group that actually had the book with them and definitely the only person that had read any of it. It's not even that they hadn't finished it or had only skimmed the book-- no, two of them hadn't even *bought* the book and the others just decided not to. Great. @_@

SO, I had no choice but to tell them what it was about, after which one of the girls was like "Wow, you really DID read it!" Holy hell.

Well, the professor dropped by each group a few times, and we were silent every time just because I was the only one that knew anything, and it was impossible to have a discussion with myself. So she'd ask a few questions and-- weird-- I was the only one who could answer them.

Apparently this wasn't just a problem in my group, but in the other groups too. The professor tried leading a class discussion afterwards, but it was obvious that only a few of us had any idea what was going on, so she decided that the mandatory esay question on our final would be on this book. That's fine with me! Again, one of the girls actually said to me "it's a good thing you knew what you were talking about, cuz now I'll just memorize what you said instead of reading that whole thing."

Ugh, I really don't get it.

On a much better school-related note, I talked to one of my old professors for the last time in what I'm sure will be awhile today. I told her about the research I'm doing, and some other things I've been up to or plan to start doing and as usual, she was very supportive of everything. She actually said that if I ever plan on turning my research into an article or paper that she'd help me get it into the RI History Journal (I'm not sure if that's the title, but I guess there's some such publication)! I really appreciate her offer, but I'm not going to let myself feel pressured into writing anything any time soon. If it happens eventually, great, but I only started this research for my own personal enjoyment, cuz I'm crazy like that. :p

Hell weeks are coming up again soon. Tomorrow I have a philosophy paper due, which is mostly done but I'm not too happy about it. We were supposed to get at least one extra source from the library or the Internet to back up our main point, but such a hard time finding anything. First of all, our library only has a handful of books on this philosopher, and apparently the subject I chose to write on, hasn't been a popular one. I found *one* book and it only kinda-sorta has what I need. I have to throw a quote in from it anyway so I can put it in my bibliography. And I looked online, also without any luck.

I'm supposed to have an abstract for that class on Tuesday, on what my final paper (8-10 pages >_<) will be about, and a list of sources I plan on using. I have no idea what to do. Granted, we don't HAVE to do a final paper. . .we can take a regular in-class essay final instead. If I can find a decent topic though, I think I'd prefer to write. The philosopher we just covered seemed to have some weird theory on our inability to really perceive history because our ideas are always changing and thus will always change how we see the past. Something like that. I think I'm going to ask the professor about it tomorrow. I'm not sure that I could write 8 pages on that subject, but I don't know what else to do!

Random notes:

I decided to unblock Kevin in AIM for some strange reason today. Sure enough, he IMed me within an HOUR of my doing so. Ugh. Luckily I was away, so I didn't get the message until later. He wants me to IM or email him, but I don't think I will. The last time I talked to him, I don't know HOW long ago, he STILL hadn't moved on completely. I've long since forgiven him for being an ass, but I'm not sure I'm willing to actually communicate with him again. Maybe he'll go back on block list for now. Hm.

Rich is so going on a date on Saturday. Well, don't talk about me too much. My psychic powers will kick in and I will know. :p

Night!

68 >

That's the random message that the Telexon at work kept giving me today. I scanned in a bunch of price changes but after it gave me this message and beeped really loudly, it erased everything I had done-- which I didn't find out until later! Gah, nothing better than essentially wasting an hour or two of my time.

Not 100% sure what I planned on writing, so I'll just ramble and we'll see what happens.

I've decided to stop going to Starbucks, at least for now. Yes, it hurts. Baristas at 3 different locations in New York have become affiliated with the IWW and have gone on strike to improve working conditions, etc. Since I've known people that have worked there, I'd always heard that it wasn't too bad of a company to work for and although they were anti-union. But having read a bunch of articles recently on what working there is really like, the company apparently does some awful things. For example, it's almost impossible for workers to gain full time status, thus being unable to receive benefits or even just earn a decent amount of money. I'm not exaggerating when I say that that's on the same level of evilness as Wal*Mart, and you know how much I love *that* place.

So, it should be interesting to see what happens, but for now Starbucks is off limits. My pumpkin spice lattes and espresso fudge brownies will be missed. If you want to know more, I recommend checking out www.starbucksunion.org.

Speaking on New York, Rich and I are headed back there in a few weeks! I was browsing through posts on one of the Broadway message boards I frequent and discovered that there's going to be an off-Broadway show about the Haymarket Square Riot. It's only playing through December, so we're aiming for Saturday, the 10th. The show hasn't opened yet, so I haven't read any reviews, but I'm excited about it. I just hope it won't be too cold or snowing on that day. You never know around here. This morning was so warm, I was able to do my barn work with just a sweatshirt-- no hat or gloves or anything. . .and I was actually *too* warm!

I'm kinda sad about ending the barn work next Friday, because I really don't mind doing it when it's not, you know, 18 degrees out. But it was a good opportunity, and now if I ever try taking lessons in exchange for barn work, I can point to my experience there and I'm sure Sharon would speak well of me. I think next year I'd like to actually ride, even if it's just taking a lesson here and there, so I'll have to put that on my tentative goals list for 2006.

My friend Jen *finally* emailed me back, weeks after I sent her an email. I was getting kinda sad about not hearing from her, figuring she'd be one of those people that would just fall away without a trace, but luckily that hasn't happened. I guess grad school has been a TON of work and she even had to drop one class because of the work load. But let's not forget that she also works 40+ hours a week at her retail job. She pulled it off during her undergrad years, but I guess that's not possible anymore. She has always been one of those people who doesn't have to study a lot or spend a lot of time on her papers, yet still gets A's, but sounds like that's not the case anymore. Anyway, she actually has a free day this Saturday, so we're going to get together and have dinner or dessert up in the northern half of the state somewhere, since she lives about ten minutes from where my parents' condo is. We'll have a ton of catching up to do, since we haven't seen each other since *July* and although we emailed each other once after our respective Big Events (my breakup, her engagement), there's tons to discuss.

I stayed at my parents' condo this past weekend, and it was a decent time. We went out for dinner at this place called Mama McGee's and the food was good, but the portions were INSANE. Honestly, it typified the reason why Americans are so obese. I ordered eggplant parm and pasta, and I got three full meals out of just the leftovers! Not to mention, they also give you soup/salad/bread bar with it. It was very reasonably priced, but seriously, it was just too much food (but at least I could put off grocery shopping for a few days!). Otherwise, my parents and I just got along alright, which is much more positive than it sounds.

On one of my message boards (not a Bway one :p) someone was talking about googling your own name and email address to see what people can find out about you that way. I've googled my name for awhile now, and I already knew that nothing of interest comes up besides *maybe* the Jonathan Hadary bio I created on Broadwayworld.com. I had honestly never thought of typing in my email addy though. All I found was a link to every single entry I made in my online diary from a few years ago, haha. I was reading through some of the entries that popped up on the first page of results and yes, saying that things between my parents and I are "alright" is an improvement.

BTW, I don't care if you go off and google my email address to find my old diary. Read it all you want, but be aware that it's pretty grim.

Well, I actually think that's enough rambling since I want to type a short entry in ICA too. So now everyone can go click on the link to my profile and up my view count even more, haha.

Was Gonna

write an entry tonight, but I got sidetracked for awhile. ;) Haha, that's okay. Nothing important, although I do have more to mention than my usual run down of the day's events!

Soooo, maybe tomorrow, though I have to finish my history paper if I don't get it done during the day.

Sex It Up!

hahaha, today. . .

It started off in a completely awful way, seeing as it was EIGHTEEN degrees out when I had to go to the barn! I didn't put any more layers on than usual, but I also wore my scarf around my face and put handwarmers in my gloves. (I haven't been able to find footwarmers yet, gah!) I thought it would be okay, and actually being cold was not the biggest problem.

I have a set order of how I do things each morning. First I drop a flake of hay into each of the paddocks, then I bring the horses out one at a time. After that, I go around and dump out/clean each of their waterbuckets, and then I refill them and start mucking out the paddocks in the meantime. This all takes about 30 minutes, a little less if the paddocks aren't too messy.

Well, this morning, I put the hay out and turned out the horses without any problem. I grabbed the bucket brush and went to the first waterbucket. I expected there to be a layer of ice, as there had been on less frigid mornings. Usually I just break it up with the brush handle and it's not even an issue. Today, however, the ice was seriously an inch thick. I had to sit and chip away at it until I was had a large enough hole in the ice that I could at least dump the water out. *Then* I had to break the rest of the ice apart by smashing it with my foot. So that was fun, and it got even better.

So I did that for the first bucket, put the hose in, and started filling that one up. I use a different hose to fill up the other buckets, so I de-iced those buckets in a similar fashion, put the hose in the first bucket, turned it on, and went to grab the wheelbarrow.

But I noticed that the hose wasn't hissing like it normally does. No water was coming out!

Um, now what. You know, I always say that there are 2 places where I swear more than anywhere else: in my car, and at the barn. For today, that statement could not have been MORE true, haha.

SO, the only thing I *could* do was drag a random bucket that was in the barn to the *other* hose, and keep filling that up and dumping it in the other waterbuckets. Very time consuming and very heavy! It took about 4 buckets to fill up each of the larger ones in the paddock, so by the time the 8th one rolled around, I was NOT a happy person.

I was also pretty freaking cold, but I still needed to muck out the paddocks and I had already been there for 45 minutes! So I grabbed the wheelbarrow, grabbed the pitchfork, and headed towards the first paddock. I have to pick up the leftover hay from the previous day and any manure piles. When both of those things are not *frozen to the ground* it's not a hard task. I tried. I stood there and angrily stabbed at the frosty manure piles with the pitchfork, occasionally chipping away a clump or two. And as for the hay, well, forget it. I was just so pissed by this time, and completely lacking some fingers and toes, as far as I could tell, that I just did what I could (which wasn't a lot) and then went into the barn to warm up and clean the stalls.

The rest of the day was okay, though I had to keep going into the heated tackroom to warm individual fingers up from time to time. Eventually Sharon came around to give me my check, and I gave her my two weeks notice. NOT because of the cold, but because I've been planning on doing so anyway. I was going to call her later this afternoon if I hadn't seen her, but you know I prefer telling people things in person, so it was ideal. I told her it was because I'd be moving about an hour away (true, if I do move with my parents for awhile) and wanted my availability to be as open as possible as I look for a new job. She took it well and was less spazzy about it than I figured she would be. So hopefully the next two weeks will be a LITTLE warmer, cuz today was the cold version of Hell.

Things got better at work though!

It started off boringly since I had to ring for the first 3 hours of my shift. At 4, two other people got there, so I was taken off the register. While I was waiting for one of them to take over my drawer, the other kid was setting his up and was like "haha, Eric got the worst job cuz he has to go around and talk to people." I was like "what are you talking about?!" I guess Brooks has started this thing where for 2 hours every day (I think), someone has to don a red smock and be the "Prime Time Red Smock Employee." Basically, your job is to go around to each customer and say stupid crap like "I've noticed you've been here for awhile. Can I help you find something?" and "If you need any help, I'll be right here!"

Yes, those are actual scripted phrases they encourage you to us. Chris and I were looking at the "official" sheet up in the office. But the BEST part, that I noticed with particular glee, was the line that said "Encourage the employee to use a suggestive selling style."

Because Chris and I are 12, we thought was the most hilarious thing EVER. Suggestive? hahaha So from that point on, we were completely going off on that idea, posing "seductively" by the shelves and being like "Hi, welcome to Brooks. . .may I be of service?" ::run fingers through hair, give sultry look and smile:: Oh man, it was hilarious. But hey, they said to be suggestive!

So of course we found Eric, the kid who was assigned to do it today and told him this. Being a junior in high school though, he honestly didn't know what we meant by "suggestive." So I was like "Sex it up!" which set Chris into a like 5 minute long laughing fit even though Eric was like "uhhh, no thanks," haha.

Well, *I* am set to be the person for next Friday and I am totally going to get into it. >:) Chris was like, "Watch somebody coime up front and be like 'um, one of your employees was hitting on me,'" haha. Oh, don't worry, I probably won't (probably *shouldn't* with my luck @_@), but it's so much fun to joke around. "If you need any help, I'll be right here," just takes on a whole new meaning, haha.

I guess that's all for tonight. I'm so supposed to work on my papers, but I do NOT feel like it. It's not really a bad thing though; I'll be spending tomorrow night at my parents' place, and there's not a whole lot to do there, so I'll have no excuse NOT to work on it then. If only the public meat raffle were on Saturday. . .

Too Tired to Write, But

well it's not even that I'm tired, but if I don't go to bed, I won't get a decent amount of sleep. And I can't have coffee tomorrow to give myself a boost. :p

Hopefully I'll have time tomorrow, cuz I absolutely must write two more pages of my history paper and at least start on my philosophy one. Plus going to the barn, plus working 1-9.

I was proud of my coworkers today. We were absolutely *dead* all afternoon, so "Kevin" called Lora and asked if we could close early. It only made sense. She told us okay, but that we'd have to get the final word from our DM. As you can guess, that bastard actually said no! In fact, *all* he said was "Absolutely not!" and then hung up! Since we were all pissed about that, we decided to stop doing any kind of work after 4, when we had hoped to close. Sure, we kept an eye on the front counter and rang out the very few customers that stopped by, but otherwise we just sat around the chilled in the office. So, it was a fun, passively subversive time, hehe.

Greg the Bunny is a crazy show. I had never seen it before tonight, though I'd heard of it, but Travis and I must have watched like 6 episodes and they were all insane, hehe.

More to say tomorrow! Hope everyone had a good Turkey Day. ^__^

Today!

mmm, just ate most of a pint of B&J's Oatmeal Cookie Chunk, but that's fine with me. I only wish I had something salty to keep my taste buds in balance. Rich knows what I'm talking about, hehe.

I saw Harry Potter tonight and it was good. Not great. I have to agree with the major complaint that almost everyone who has read the book *and* seen the movie has, that too much stuff has been left out. I seriously think they should have just made the movie 3 hours instead of 2:30 and fleshed out some of the scenes/storylines more. I liked what was actually kept in the movie though. I wonder how they're going to do the 5th book cuz I must admit that is my least favorite one in the series. Hmm. Anyway, I think I'd give this one an 8 out of 10.

Well, this is going to be a short entry because I have a philosophy paper to start working on. At least I got a page of my history one done earlier today, but I rarely have a problem with history papers; I gather a few notes and then just sit down and write.

Have a good Thanksgiving everyone! I won't be having much of a holiday, unfortunately, since I'll be working from 9 in the morning til 6 in the evening. Blah! As I've said before, they'll probably let me leave early if it's dead later in the day, since my shift is longer than anyone else's. Not that it really matters. My parents are going out for dinner, and Rich and Rob went home, so I'll just be coming back here and having fat free veggie soup or something. :p Oh, but that's alright.

PS - I am definitely going to have to write a "Year in Review" entry next month.

It Has Come to My Attention

that my profile on here has been viewed over 700 times! I don't change it *that* often, so what's the deal? haha

Speaking of Hamsters. . .

Maybe I'll go look at some tomorrow. >:)

I know, I know, I shouldn't buy one until I have my living situation figured out. But I miss having a critter around!

The scary bugs don't count. :p

Still considering Harry Potter tomorrow, but I have to start my history paper tomorrow or else I'll have to wait. That's my incentive, haha.

Mmm, coffee and figs = second breakfast of champions.

Edit

Today was alright. I didn't do a *whole* lot.

Most of today was spent being hopped up on caffeine (I think I made the strongest cup of coffee EVER, hehe), but I also went to campus early to work on my TSProject. I spent about an hour looking up stuff. . .I found a different source than the one I had been using and found some interesting things. I *could* come right out and talk about it, but I prefer making everyone think it's something incredible, when in reality I'm the only person who would think so. :p

Anyway, I left the library and went to Dunkin Donuts to buy a corn muffin before class. It was only 4:10 or so, but I figured I'd just eat it out in the hall and History Boy usually gets there early too, so I'd have him to talk to. Well, I walked into Washburn and the classroom was empty-- which was weird because the other class definitely wouldn't have gotten out so soon. So then I was thinking "Great, this is what happens when I don't check my email," figuring she had sent out something saying the class was cancelled, but I decided to go in and see if there was something written on the board, since there was no cancellation notice on the door. Well there *was* a note written on the board and she left a pile of handouts with what we would have been covering in class, so I took one and left. I ate my muffin in the library reserves room and then went back upstairs and worked on my porject for another hour. It wasn't a completely wasted afternoon/evening.

Yeah, so the rest of this week. . .

Tomorrow is usual-- barn, class, work. Wednesday I only have to go to the barn in the morning, but I will probably start working on my history paper during the day. I might go see Harry Potter that night, although I guess I'll be going by myself since Rich is going home that morning. :p

Then on Thanksgiving, I get the awesome privlege of working from 9am to 6pm. Yay! There's a pretty good chance I'll get to leave early though, since we're probably going to be dead in the afternoon. And since I'm the only person besides "Kevin" working a full shift, I'll get first dibs on going home early. Unfortunately, I won't be able to have any type of T-Day dinner since my parents are going out to a restaurant and they have reservations for early in the afternoon. . .so I wouldn't be able to make it. They've said they'll take me out to dinner on Saturday though, to some place near the condo that they think I'll like. Eh, since I don't eat turkey anyway, that works out better for me!

So that's the usual exciting update. Rich and his brother are waiting outside of Target tonight (Rob has been there since 4pm!) so they can get one of the few XBox 360's as soon as the store opens. I guess that stores that are selling them are only getting a few in each, hence the camping out. Personally I would just wait to get one, but I don't think there's ANYthing I'd sit outside overnight for, especially in the cold and rain! :p

Off to write in ICA now. Later!

Brain Dead = Survey

Why not?

Survey

1. Your name spelled backwards?: Acire

2. Where were your parents born?: Dad = Cranston, Mom = North Providence. I don't know the exact hospitals, but that's where they grew up.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: Adobe

4. What's your favorite restaurant? probably 7 Moons

5. Last time you swam in a pool?: I haven't even been near a pool since Rich and I went to FL!

6. Have you ever been in a school play?: back in elementary school :p

7. How many kids do you want?: none, for their sake

8. Type of music you dislike most?: rap

9. Are you registered to vote?: yes

10. Do you have cable?: yes

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?: no

12 Ever prank call anybody?: dude, this was a passtime of mine back in 5th grade!

13. Closest friend?: Rich

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?: Neither

15. Furthest place you ever traveled?: we stopped in Venezuela on our way to (or from) Aruba, but we didn't actually get off the plane. Don't know if that counts. :p

16. Do you have a garden?: someday I'd like to

17. What's your favorite comic strip?: Family Circus. Haha, maybe not.

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?: yeah, I think so

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?: shower, morning (after barn)

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?: The only movie I've seen in the past month is Saw II, so I guess I need to go with that. But I'm sure Harry Potter will be better!

21. Favorite pizza toppings: tomatoes, bell pepper rings, feta, kalamata olives and pesto sauce. Mmmmm.

22. Chips or popcorn?: popcorn

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?: I don't wear lipstick a whole lot, just lip gloss. but if it IS lipstick, I go with bright red. >:)

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?: Noooo O_o

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?: yes, when I was like 5! I was only a runner up though.

26. Orange Juice or apple?: not really into either. I prefer the Green Juice.

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? Travis and 7 Moons, surprisingly :p

28. Favorite type chocolate bar?: anything chocolate and peanut butter

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?: last presidential election

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?: not sure

31. Have you ever won a trophy?: I've won lots of ribbons, and a few cups, plates, and medals from horse shows

32. Are you a good cook?: not one else but my Mom appreciates my vegetarian/ethnic cooking, but *I* think I'm good at it. ;p

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?: it's not exactly difficult

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?: haha, nope

35. Sprite or 7-up?: SURGE!

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?: every place I've worked has had some kind of uniformy thing.

37. Whats the last thing you bought at a pharmacy?: at the actual pharmacy? as in meds? if so, I don't even remember.

38. Ever thrown up in public?: in a way?

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?: second one

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?: not exactly

41. Can ex's be friends?: seeing as most of my friends *are* ex's. . .hehe

42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?: my grandfather? wow, that was way back in high school.

43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?: nope, I was bald!

44. What message is on your answering machine?: don't have one

46. What was the name of your first pet?: Swimmy the goldfish, hehe

47. What's in your backpack?: my 3 subject notebook, a book of Merleau-Ponty's philosophy, and a belt.

48. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?: wasting time online. WEIRD.

49. What is one thing you are grateful for today? not being alone

50. What do you think about?: way too much stuff. my mind occasionally needs an "off" switch.

Oh Well

Who's surprised that I'm at the apartment tonight? I'm not!

On Friday night, Chris said he would call me today and let me know what time we'd be meeting at the restaurant. Not only was he supposed to call me, but another girl as well. I wanted to see if he would live up to his word.

He didn't.

I was getting tired of sitting around the apartment, so I decided to go to a semi-nearby coffeeshop instead. I would probably get there around 8:30, so I figured I would leave my cell phone on until that time and then once I got there and sat down, I'd shut it off. We were supposed to meet at the restaurant for 8:30 or 9, and since I live a good 30 or so minutes away from there, I was hoping he would NOT call last minute.

My phone did not ring, so I shut it off as planned. If he called me after that, well, too bad. You're probably wondering why I didn't just call him myself, but that wasn't the point. I hate one sided relationships, including friendships. If someone says they will do something, I expect them to at least make an attempt. It's 9:40 now and I haven't turned my phone on since 8:30. Maybe he did call, but by that point I wasn't even in the mood to go out anymore.

I do feel bad about this.
(I really should have just called him.)

Today's been frustrating though. Last night was too. Rich and I got into one of those "so when do you think you'll be leaving?" conversations, and that always makes me feel like he's trying to nudge me towards the door. I can't go *anywhere* until early next year and that's all there is to it.

Then I went home today and it was not the most pleasant experience. I always call on Friday night to tell my parents if I'll be able to stay for dinner, etc. and every time my Mom always sounds like she can't wait to see me. But then I get to the condo and the reception is never as warm. We had to take a half hour drive to go pick up a piece of jewelry she had fixed and for once I decided to tell her about some of the things that have been going on in my life. I don't know why I think her response is ever going to be different. All my parents care about is "so what can do you do with your history degree after you graduate??" to which my answer is never satisfactory because you CANT do anything with a BA in History that is directly involved in the field.*I* have come to terms with this, they have not. Will not? I tried telling her about some of the other plans I have been tossing around in my mind, and all I got in response was "right, but those things aren't going to pay," and other encouraging comments. Eventually I gave up and stopped talking. And yes Rich, she is still unhappy that you and I are not together. :p

All these things just left me feeling very ungrounded tonight, hence why I ran and hid in the coffeeshop and then the bookstore for a little while. I have been somewhat productive though; I started preliminary work on my History paper and started looking up some info on my 2nd TOP SECRET PROJECT (which isn't top secret at all-- I've mentioned it several times in here and to most people I know!), so that's good.

Anyway, gonna go curl up on the couch with a book now. Rich and Rob probably went to see Walk the Line cuz they figured I'd be out, which is too bad because I really wanted to see it (or Harry Potter :p).

How Things Change

I woke up yesterday morning and was no longer depressed. If anything, I was in a really good mood. Nothing was different, and as before, I can't explain the shift.

That my happiness improved was actually a surprise. You see, the night before, I found out something that is distinctly not good news. Remember how Rich was maybe going to Denmark for a year or two? Well, that fell through, but his company recently started a branch in Texas and Rich requested to work there for a year or two instead. :\ I can't say that was totally unexpected, as he's always wanted to live in that state (he has relatives near Dallas, about 4 hours away from where he'd be) and I know he likes the company he currently works for and doesn't want to leave them anytime soon.

As before, I want him to do what he wants to do. The plans aren't solid yet, although I guess his boss or whoever it is he told was sure that the transfer could be easily arranged. But it's still difficult for me. Yes, at least he would still be in the US, but Texas isn't exactly close to where I live, and it's doubtful that I could afford plane tickets to go visit. So. . .I don't know, sucks to be me. :p

Well I guess it's frustrating because it looks like my plans have changed *again* and that I'll be staying in RI for at least a few years. Not that Rich and I would probably continue living together for too much longer even if he were to/does stay, but at least we could still get together every so often. I just worry because I'm scared of losing contact. I know that sounds crazy, since we are still close and the idea seems unimaginable, but it's happened before. People I swore I wouldn't lose contact with have mostly all fallen away, even those whom I was very close to.

So.

Grr, there's more I wanted to talk about, but Rich is back right now and we're talking and it's hard to type meanwhile and gah.

Smells Like Burning. Literally.

Oh, man. Today qualifies as one of my worst days in a long time. :(

The barn was good and I got out of there early, but then my mood just totally plummeted. It kinda did yesterday, but righted itself once I got to work (I think being around people helps). But today it wouldn't shift back. I was supposed to go to P Place and look for jeans, but I couldn't motivate myself to drive all the way up there, not even with the thought of delicious Indian food. :p So I basically stayed in bed most of the day, sometimes getting up to check message boards, sometimes getting up for a snack. Mostly I just lay around and dwelled and couldn't get my mind to stop being evil. It's time like these when I really think I might have a chemical imbalance. . .

This mood probably would have continued until now if it hadn't been for my afternoon fuck up. All I wanted was a bag of microwaved popcorn. Rob had made one last night and I didn't have any since I had other stuff to eat, but it sparked a small craving for some today. So, I followed the directions and put the bag in the microwave for 4 minutes, though it said I should expect it to be done sooner. So, although I wasn't standing right in front of the microwave, I remained in the kitchen as it started popping. It wasn't long before I noticed that it was smelling pretty awful. . .like it was starting to burn, although it sounded like it was still busy popping. No big deal; I opened the microwave and took the bag out.

I tore it open a little and smoke came pouring out, but I didn't think it was too unusual-- then agian, I've also never made microwaved popcorn before (seriously!). The bag was also VERY hot, but I didn't think much of it. So I probably burned some of it. Not a concern.

I opened the bag some more and then put it down so the steam could stop coming out. Except it wasn't stopping. And it WAS *smoke.* As I said, it smelled AWFUL. I was growing impatient though, so smoke be damned, I reached my hand in--

--and immediately pulled it back out. Pain! Something just about burned my hand, and obviouslysomething was up. I peered into the bag as best I could and noticed with horror that all I could see was black and flecks of orange. I'm not even kidding. It looked like a fire, when you let it burn out and it's just a mess of charred wood and random flecks of flame here and there. Um, not good. O_o

So, being clever as always, I dropped the whole bag into the sink and doused it with water. Hey, it got the job done, haha. I then cut the bag open with some scissors and yup, nothing but a pile of burnt popcorn inside. I still don't know exactly what the hell happened, but needless to say I don't think I'll be attempting to make another bag!

After that I went out for lunch (haha) and then to school, for class and to work on my project-thing. Then I came home and ate a little more and watched Top Model. My mood improved around class-time, probably because I talked to History Boy as usual. I shouldn't feel so disconnected from other people (and I'm not talking in a greater, spiritual sense or anything like that. . .I can understand THAT, I have always needed something a lot more *tangible*) but I usually do. I have plans and I have some people I can count on, but it's never enough. I'm sure my feeling depressed early just exacerbates that feeling though, because it was affecting me in a huge way today. All of my senses felt blunted. I wanted to take some pictures of random nature-y things, but it didn't seem right. All I have is color film and I literally felt like I was only able to see in shades of grey this afternoon, so I wouldn't have been able to capture what I felt like I was seeing.

Remember, lots of geniuses were crazy. :p

Off to do some reading I guess. Hopefully the burnt popcorn smell will go away by tomorrow, cuz it is NOT awesome. x_x

Blah

I can't tell you why, my mood is just exceedingly blah today. Nothing even went wrong, I'm just not feeling particularly enthused about things.

I absolutely can't hold a grudge against anyone. Chris came into work today and we talked for awhile. He reminded me again about the get together on Saturday, as did one of the girls I was working with today, so I guess they actually want me there. I suppose I should, but I totally forgot that this is the weekend that the Harry Potter movie comes out, so it's a tough decision, hehe. ;p Oh, fine. I guess the movie will be out for awhile, so I should probably just wait to see it. Besides, Rich will be busy this weekend and I'm pretty sure he wants to see it too. We haven't actually hung out that much together lately, in fact we haven't gone out together anywhere in awhile. Maybe that's a good thing, in a way. As Avenue Q says "There's a fine, fine line between together and not." :
Guess I'll go read for awhile.

Obligatory Boston Entry!

That's right! Yesterday was Boston trip #3 and as usual, it was an adventure, haha.

I won't do a disgustingly detailed recap, but here are the major events:

-We (Travis and I) were not swarmed by birds while eating our food outside this time! We sat on the steps of the Boston Public Library since we were waiting for it to open, so maybe that made a difference.

-Once inside the library, I had no idea where the hell anything was because they've totally changed around the inside since the time I had to do research there. We sat outside in the courtyard for awhile and some girl was all dolled up in a red prom dress, etc. posing next to the columns and stuff while her friend took pictures of her. We had no idea what was up with that, haha.

-All I'll say is, if the scary punk chick was so worried about being walked in on, she should have LOCKED THE FREAKING BATHROOM DOOR! hahaha

-I'm an official red-card carrying member of the IWW now. Yay! See, the unfortunate thing is that these once-a-month meetings that we go to are the "business" meetings, so they're interesting, but to a point. :p But because Travis and I live so far away, we aren't able to get to Boston for their weekly "social" meetings or the other various events that they attend. I think eventually our best option would be becoming delegates and maybe even starting a branch here in RI. If not that much, we could definitely form education/literature/etc. committees in our state, but at this point we're both too new and lacking the time to get anything started. It would also be awesome to start a radical bookstore/space here in RI since the only one that used to exist up in Providence has been shut down for awhile. And let's face it, Providence isn't a very convenient location anyway. I started looking into the whole process of getting a place, reading other bookstores' websites to see how *they* began, but again, there's just not enough time to seriously devote to it. I'm hoping that once I graduate, this will change. And of course this is all assuming that I'll be staying around for awhile. Bah.

-We still didn't have time to go take a new picture of that statue. >_< I think next month, we should just go there as soon as we get something to eat from Starbucks. We can eat and walk at the same time, haha.

-the train ride back to S. Attleboro. . .the darkness! Augh! I hope *something* comes out in the pictures that I took! ;)

-We ended up having dinner at 7 Moons because I accidentally missed the exit to get to Warwick. Darn! So yeah, we were both VERY disappointed with *that* turn of events!

-Came back to the apartment and watched the Assassination of Richard Nixon because everyone SHOULD see this movie. I can't help getting into it and I just always feel so bad for Byck by the end.

Travis left soon after that, but Rich and I stayed up for awhile more. Again, that's the wicked abbreviated version of EVERYTHING but remember what the first Boston trip entry was like? Yeah, I don't think any of you want a repeat performance, haha.

Today has been much less interesting. I brought my car in for its oil change and inspection at 8am (which is late for me!). Everything was okay, although the guy said my tires and breaks will probably need to be replaced soon. Yeah, I coulda told them that as soon as I drove in. I didn't ask them to patch the tire, just because my family usually bring our cars to a different place to get our tire work done, so that's something I should do next weekend, maybe next Saturday morning.

Other than that, I just have class today, but that's not until 5. I will probably go to campus early to work on my TOP SECRET PROJECT (although I guess it's not a secret to everyone now v_V hehe) and afterwards I have philosophy reading that I *could* do, but it's nothing major.

So that's about it. It's past my lunchtime, so I have to go take care of that. :p

Break Time

Yep, it's time for a few day's vacation from here. I've given you all enough to chew on for now. :p

I may still write in ICA. (4 weeks!)

Til then!

Commentary on the Past Entry

Thanks for the comments you guys. I could have just responded in a typical manner, but this way's more fun. :p

The thing about the 2001/2002 entries is that I was in such crazy situations that, if I had the choice, I'd consider going back to my younger self and saying "THINK about what you're doing!"

But how was I to know how things would turn out?

Virginia Intermont DID seem like a great school, and even if I had taken the time to talk to some of the students there, chances are I would have still gone. Most people there enjoyed the atmosphere and loved the professors, although I have read on some horse-related message boards from other people who left there because they, like me, hated both of those aspects.
I really wish I had had the courage to say "Hey Mom and Dad, maybe I shouldn't transfer, maybe I should come home for awhile because I don't actually know what I'm doing in school anymore." But I was too afraid of letting them down and of seeming that I *didn't* know what was going on with my life.

Then the next year's entry. . .oh man. I *was* taking the semester off, partially cuz of confusion with school and partially cuz I was at a rock-bottom point lifewise. Most of you already know the Damian story, but the short version is this: he was a pharmacy student at Brooks that I had a major crush on. We talked and occasionally had lunch together during our breaks. I stupidly agonized over asking him to the Ben Folds concert because I was afraid to, unlike how I am now (haha). And he couldn't go. Rich and I ended up dating soon after though, and *we* planned to go to the concert, so at least that much worked out. Ultimately I found out that Damian was *engaged,* though he apparently told no one the entire time he and I were chatty. I found it impossible to ever hold a grudge against him though, because I am positive he meant well. I was NOT a very stable person at the time-- I had gone for outpatient treatment for my ED and other things in September, and since that time I had stopped all my troubling behaviors nearly 100%. They didn't do a very good job of teaching us what to DO with all these emotions we had all spent so much time covering up, so for the first time in a long time I was really feeling angry, sad, happy, etc. Getting anymore into it would be better in ICA, but that's the short version. Anyway, he was a really nice person, and put up with me amazingly well while I was trying to figure out how to be normal. :p

Random note: apparently someone Rich is friends with at work KNOWS Damian! I guess they go hiking up in NH or whatever, which doesn't surprise me since he was always into doing that type of stuff. And of course Rich mentioned to his friend that I had had been crazily infatuated with him. It's not like Damian probably didn't know that though, hehe.

I'm not sure that even if Damian and I *had* gone to Ben Folds together that it would have completely prevented Rich and I from getting together. It wouldn't have been a date (well, I'm guessing not, but for someone who was engaged, he was awfully flirty with me v_v), so I don't know.

The mushroom story is just funny because I hate all forms of fungus. And so you know, my next entry from a few days later was simply titled, "It Died." hehe

Still no real entry for today. Maybe tomorrow if you're lucky!

Looking Backward

This is not about the book. I still haven't gotten to read it yet! :p

I'm not really writing an entry for today. Instead, I'm going to post old diary entries from around November 5th for 2001, 2002, and 2003. BTW, these are all from previous online journals, hence why I don't have an entry for 2004, since I wasn't keeping an online one at the time. But maybe when I'm back at the apartment and have access to my notebook journals I'll go and find an entry from 2004 in one of them.


2001

I MUST go to Virginia Intermont! That school is AWESOME! : D Kevin and I made our trek up to Bristol, VA around 7 last night. We stayed at a seedy motel, watched MTV, did other stuff, watched more TV, did more "other stuff" and then went to bed.

Got a wake up call around 7 (the room had no clock!). Rolled out of bed, got dressed, all that stuff, were on the road by 7:30. We didn't have too far to go, so we got there before 8.

I won't go into boring detail, but I just want to say that I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go there. I think that a small school is definitely the type of environment I need, as opposed to the 26,000 undergrad student type-place that UT is. (I think there's a little over 800 people at VIC)

After the official stuff, Kevin and I went to check out the stable. OH MY GODS. It's seriously like stables I have thus far only read about or imagined. We also got to watch some people ride the school's horses over some courses of fences for a scholarship thing. All of the horses were sooooooo nice (I mean, fuck, they all got their FLYING LEAD CHANGES! lol) and just everything is so perfect! aaauuuggghhhh

You see, the only thing that is holding me back slightly is the cost. VIC is a private school, and it costs $17,500 to go there. : ( Since I'm probably going to need to spend at LEAST 3 years there, well. . you do the math. It's not cheap. If I go there, I am going to need to get loans, and I will try to do a work study program at the stable (which is something they offer).

I don't know. I just know that I want to go there REALLY badly.

Well, that's all for now. Kevin and I are going out for dinner tonight (I'm paying cuz I'm just so damn nice : P) so I gotta get ready for that.
Persephone


2002

This isn't really an entry, it's more like just a question (which maybe only one person will respond to, but : P ). Should I ask Damian to go see Ben Folds with me?

*He* was actually how I found out Ben was coming to Lupos in December. Nevertheless, I don't know if Damian actually *likes* Ben Folds or whatnot. Maybe I'll ask though. . .I guess it might not hurt. . .too much.

I hope this week flies by, because I need to see this kid! Augh!!
Persephone "I will not obsess."

*Update* Well, hopefully tickets won't sell out by next weekend. I just don't want to buy two tickets and then not have anyone to go with. Nick and Chelsea don't like Ben, and Matt's already going, so. . . .gah, I hate having no friends. : P

The Laxative Lady
Wow. I actually made it through a Saturday without getting really depressed! AMAZING!I'm not going to do my usual run through of the day since it wasn't that interesting. I'm sure you're saddened. : P

Instead, here's a lovely story about a Brooks customer. . .

As you know, I tend to hang around the medicine/vitamin aisles. . .even if you-know-who isn't working. I dunno why, I just prefer doing stuff in these aisles instead of say, shampoo or deoderant-- and nobody ever complains because they all HATE the medicine/vitamin section.
So one night, I was facing (straightening everything on the shelves and making them look pretty) aisle 14. . .where all the laxatives and indigestion products are kept. Fun fun. There was an old-ish lady also in the aisle, checking out the various products. She'd grab one box, read the back, put it back down, try something else. Unfortunately, this aisle takes a long time to face, so I really had no choice but to keep working on it. Blah. Well, eventually I get past where she is, and she calls out to me "Miss? Can I ask you something?" So, being the helpful employee I am, wander back over. She wanted to know if we had a certain phosphate soda liquid (or something) in a NON-colored formula, but in a different flavor than the one that was there. I read all the price tags, but it seemed that the only clear phosphate soda was the kind she didn't want. I even went to check in the back (or pretend to, hehe), but no luck. Well, she continued to stay in the aisle for awhile, and before I was done, she called me over again. Holding up the soda's box she asks, "Do you think this would taste bad if I mixed it with something? Like apple juice?" So I told her I had no idea, and she'd probably have to ask a pharmacist about mixing it with something. Hell, I have no idea. This was a day that Damian was working though, and sure enough, I passed the aisle later on to see him standing there with her, telling her that she can't mix it with cranberry juice because it has to be something clear. I probably laughed silently and then scurried off. Enough of her for one day!

Maybe a week later, I'm back in the same aisle. Since I had more or less forgotten about the earlier incident, I didn't think anything of an old lady being in the laxative section again. As soon as she said "Excuse me, miss?" the memories came flooding back. : P "I tried using this phosphate soda last time," she said, "But I really didn't like it. Do you think any of these other ones would work? Like these chocolate ones?" Do I LOOK constipated? (Or bulimic, but uh, we won't get into that. ;P ) But then she kept going off about how she needed something clear. . .I think I just quietly snuck away, hehe. Well, at least Damian wasn't there. ;0

Sure enough, just last weekend (I think Saturday), guess who showed up AGAIN. No, I didn't have to deal with her this time. . .but I was walking by pharmacy when I heard her same charming voice ask Damian about drinking it with cranberry juice again. :sigh: Some people, lol.

And that's my random story!
Persephone


2003

The Unfortunate Mushroom

So I was walking to Washburn Hall from the Burnside lot this morning when, near Merrow, I looked down and saw a tiny mushroom growing underneath a bush.

My first thought was "What are you doing??" since hello, it's been kinda cold out. But then I felt kind of bad, because it's probably going to die soon.

Wow, I exhibited tender feelings towards a piece of fungus. Maybe I *should* consider meds again! haha

Feeling Uneasy

about something over the past few days.

It's probably nothing, I'm probably overreacting.

Kinda wish I didn't have to go to work today, but I probably won't get a drawer since it's delivery day. That's a good thing.

I'm working on a long entry in ICA, so I'll definitely be around tonight, drinking 325 cups of tea with honey at the same time, hehe.

Hope everyone else has a more exciting day. :p

Augh!

Glad to say that the philosophy presentation went well. We were worried that it wasn't going to be long enough (was supposed to be 30 minutes), but somehow it took us 45! That's not a bad thing. We raised several points that the professor and some students chimed in on, so that took up some time. I still think my part was a little confusing, but eh. One of the guys I sit near said that it wasn't and that it was interesting since he never really stops to think about the historical context of the works we read. And the professor gave me a topic idea for my final paper (it would be in place of an actual final), about when death was literally taken out of our homes-- how viewing of the deceased was moved into a funeral parlor instead of say, one's living room, why we stopped taking creepy pictures of dead people like they did in the Victorian era, etc. and tie it into the essay we just covered. Sounds interesting. I'll probably do it if I can find enough info.

A rare thing happened last night: I had a good dream! (see my past entry on dreams/nightmares if you don't know why this is rare) But you know. . .I almost think they're worse. When you have a nightmare, you're glad to wake up, relieved to find that nothing actually happened. With this good dream though, I was disappointed when I woke up because I doubt that it will ever come true. It took me a minute to realize that it in fact *was* a dream. Since I so rarely have good ones, and this one was so real, I was pretty sure it had happened!

I'm still under the weather, but I think the zinc chews are helping somewhat. I'm probably just going to lay down for the rest of the night and read, maybe watch the Apprentice, maybe play Katamari. Rich is out at a hockey game with people from work, and I wouldn't be surprised if they go to a bar or something afterwards, so he won't be home for awhile. His brother's here though, so use of the TV might be restricted. Blimey.

All for now.

It Just Might Work

quick rundown

yeah, I think our philosophy presentation will be okay. i managed to throw some history in there, so I can ramble about that for awhile.

i got pulled over by the fricken URI po-lice today-- no ticket though! the only thing more humiliating is being pulled over by the goddard park police. wish I were kidding. :p

no, i don't feel like capitalizing letters. . i'm about to go to bed!

i do indeed have a cold, but i've been chewing on these zinc things all day and maybe they're helping.

reminder to self: make copy of sweeney todd cds! must spread the awesomeness (to Rich's mom no less! haha)

i emailed jen, but haven't heard back. i wonder if she checks her uri email anymore now that she goes to ric? grrr, well if not, i hope she decides to email me soon cuz it's been a long time. :/

i said i wouldn't bee (too) jealous, but boo to the russian chick nevertheless. :p

saturday's still free. this cold isn't gonna stop me.

goodnight!

::Shrug::

Today was just alright.

Barn was okay.

Made a 975m+ Katamari! I just need to roll up the sun and then I will have won KD2, but I still need to go back and replay a bunch of the levels. :p

Philosophy was discouraging because the group that presented today was awesome. Actually, every group that has thusfar presented has been awesome. I have a feeling that my group is about to break that streak on Thursday, haha. We talked to the professor after class today and told him that none of us are philosophy majors and so we have no idea what to say. I think I understand a little better now what he expects from us, but I'm still not sure how well we'll be able to pull it off. Since I'm a history major, he thinks I should try talking about how "rooms" and living arrangements have changed over the decades. I'm sure I can throw something together, but unfortunately most of the books/notes I have from other classes that could have been helpful are at the condo. I don't think he asks for a list of sources or anything though, so maybe I can botch my way through some random things I remember, haha. Well, we're meeting tomorrow afternoon to go over things anyway, so I'll try to look up some more stuff tomorrow morning.

Oh, and I got a B on the Nietzsche paper. Guess that's one class I won't be getting an A in! :p

Work was alright. I think I'm coming down with a cold though, cuz my throat's been sore/glands have been swollen all afternoon and right through now. Of course this *would* happen now that I'll actually have a Saturday free this weekend. Oh well, if I'm not feeling good enough to go out, I'll just spend the day at the condo, doing laundry as usual.

Guess that's it. Midnight comes up way too fast.