Food Log

There probably won't be a real entry today. Lo siento!

Keeping myself accountable for today's intake. Hopefully there won't be any "BWAH! FOOD!" moments tonight.

a honey wheat english muffin with 1 soy sausage patty, 1 egg, and 1 slice of rice cheese
a container of water buffalo milk yogurt (thought it could be nasty, but it was surprisingly good)
2 Chewy Chips Ahoy
an Amy's black bean burrito
1 glass of 100% fruit/veg juice
an apple with lf pb
a few handfuls of Cheez-its
a chocolate Drumstick
most of a sandwich with chicken and pepperjack cheese and honey mustard and lettuce/tomato from Jim's Deli

Today was not too bad.

Take the Assassins selector! It's inspired me to create a similar quiz -- but mine would be longer, more accurate, and much more interesting. >:) I guess it depends how bored I get while Rich is away, haha.

Assassin Selector!

Don't even ask how I came across this. Funniest. Thing. EVER!

http://www.selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=assassins

You're John Wilkes Booth! You're the handsome and debonair actor who killed Abraham Lincoln. While you may seem charming and harmless, you're an insufferable racist with an obsessive loyalty to the Confederate States. Your motto is "Sic semper tyrannis!" (or 'thus always to tyrants').

Which Character From "Assassins" are you?

I am so NOT John Wilkes Booth! hahaha I was expecting to be Czolgosz (though he was NOT a *@%&*#%^ anarchist!!!), but alas.

I love the blurbs that the person who created this put for each assassin-- some of them are just priceless, hehe (though not all of them are 100% correct, but hey).

Damn It All To Hell v_v

You know, today had been an awesome eating day.

So why did I just kill it with a binge? ._.

Let's see. . .just polished off a whole section of Chewy Chips Ahoy, about 8 mint Oreos, a big handful of BBQ soynuts, a whole section of seaweed rice crackers and bige handfuls of dried cherries and almonds.

Gah.

Guess I'm going running in the morning. But I'm not going to restrict. I'll still have breakfast and everything. It's just disappointing cuz I was doing so well. Nothing set me off beyond the fact that I was awake. I'm not upset about anything.

Well, I wasn't previously. :p

And hey, at least I have less junk food laying around my room now, heh.

Actually

Nah, forget it. I was going to write another entry but decided against it.

I *will* say that "Can't Help Falling in Love" is on the radio and the real, Elvis version doesn't sound right anymore, haha. The rendition in ASU is so much more exciting. :D

Soup is the Enemy

Apparently I can't eat it happily anymore. Be calm, stomach. :
I worked today, but it was nothing special. I didn't have a drawer, I was just putting stuff away, so I have no interesting/stupid customer stories to share. Hell, I didn't even talk to my coworkers very much cuz I had so much to do.

I'm a little concerned about the Sunday situation, but I'll write about that later.

So my car window decided to fix itself on the way to the dealer yesterday morning. I didn't enjoy getting up so early for no reason, but at least I didn't have to dole out any $$. If it happens again though, I suppose I'll have to get it checked. With any luck it was just a freaky thing.

I attempted to go clothes shopping yesterday too, but I was completely thwarted. Express decided to stop carrying their line of basic tank tops that I liked so much, so that sucked. I literally went into every clothing store in the Warwick mall looking for some plain tank tops and t-shirts, but it didn't happen (well, I didn't go into Abercrombie cuz I didn't feel like being kicked out again, hehe). I found a few shirts I liked in Old Navy, but their clothes just do NOT fit me, whatsoever.

So tomorrow I'll go up to P-Place and probably end up finding clothes that fit and look good in all the *expensive* stores. It ALWAYS happens that way! >:( heh

At least I can stop by Godiva. . .strawberry cheesecake dessert chocolats, how I want to marry you. ::drool:: I wonder if they'll be giving out free samples next weekend? ;)

That's all for right now. I've gotta find my friend Jen's email address somewhere in my RI History notebook so I can send her a message about hanging out next week. Then I'll be back to write another short entry.

Indian Food is a Gift From the Gods

I'm not even kidding.

Yo, Travis-- sounds like a plan to me! But don't forget to mention my adoration of farm animals, too. Could be important, hehe. ;)

Matt-- well I'm talking to you on AIM as I write this, so I'll just say congrats on getting the job again. :)
I *am* sad that you're leaving though, even if itsonly to NH. Who am I going to get smoothies with on campus now? And run into at the library lab? And get randomly stalked by on campus? Oi, it's going to be a long semester, hehe.

But anyway, Indian food.

Rich and I were gonna go to India after we notced there were actually people inside the place sometim last week. Apparently the people who own the restaurant went on a two or three month vacation, because the place was completely closed/locked up for about that long. So we just thought they had shut down for good.

So we got there around 6 and were highly dismayed when the place looked dark and deserted inside again. Instead of just driving by, we actually walked up to the door-- turned out that the resaurant WAS closed. . .but just for tonight! It's open every day of the week except Monday and Tuesday, so we just missed out. We knew going Thursday wouldn't be an option since his youngest brother and his Dad are coming down that evening, so we decided to try the Indian place in EG instead.

Parking was not a problem, and we were seated right away. Neither of us had been to this place before, but it seemed nice inside and had a considerably larger menu than India-- a plus in my book. :p We were given some pappadoms (okay, I really have no idea how to spell it, but they're these wafer like things) and two kinds of chutney. We were ready to order almost immediately, cuz they also had vindaloo curry, which is what we had both wanted.

But none of the waitstaff seemed to interested in us. I didn't time it, but we were waiting around for AWHILE, as tables around us were being served attentively. The final straw was when a couple that came in after us got their orders taken while we were still sitting there. We actually wondered if we should just walk out since there wasn't even anyone around to flag down. I hate being a bitchy customer, but this *was* a tad ridiculous.

*Eventually* one of the women came over and we ordered some naan and our curries (they didn't have mango pickle :( ). I felt a little more at ease once we placed our orders, and once we did, the food did not take long to arrive.

Since we hadn't been to India in awhile, it's hard for me to say if the food at this restaurant was better or worse. As far as I'm concerned, any Indian food is better than no Indian food. :p The portions didn't look huge, but Rich and I finished our plates and were both very full. We were offered either mango or pistachio ice cream for dessert, but there's no way in hell that was happening!

Then we went to Target and both bought underwear and Drumsticks at S&S cuz his brother called and asked for them. They didn't last long once we got back to the apartment, haha.

And now I'm back home, and will probably just be online for the rest of the night.

Cuz My Life CANNOT Be Boring

I said I might not write, but the rest of today was too interesting to *not* be recorded. :p

So I got to work, pulled into one of my usual parking spots, windows down so Sweeney Todd could be heard loud and clear by everyone. I went to roll up said windows and to my confusion and slight horror, my driver's side window would not budge. I made sure the car was still on, and it was, but I kept clicking the button and nothing was happening.

Now what?!

The other windows were fine, but there was no way in hell I wanted to leave my car in the middle of the Brooks parking lot with my driver's side window completely rolled down. Yeah, I could move all the important stuff I normally keep in my car into the trunk, but I still didn't feel cozy about it. The fact that it looked as though it could start raining any second didn't help matters.

Even though precious minutes were passing and I was probably gonna be considered "late" even though I was there, I did the only thing I could think of and called my Mom. I asked her to make an appointment to get the thing fixed and also if she could bring me *her* car so my evil one could stay happily at home, in the garage. Luckily she agreed, and I can take my car in at 8am so hopefully it'll be alright. Having a stay-at-home Mom is not always bad, I guess. ;p

Work itself was not particularly great today. Maybe I was just in that kind of mood. ::shrug:: I think part of it was what I talked about before, the whole "coworkers are friendly, but not friends, per se" thing. All I know is that I kinda felt like hiding all day, and at one point I really did just sit down on the bathroom floor for awhile and ate some cupcakes to calm down. There were a few amusing/annoying customers today though. Here's what happened. . .

I was in the food aisle, checking for outdates. I noticed a lady enter the other end of my aisle, but she was a regular and I was quite busy, so I didn't pay much attention. Well, next thing I know, she is standing RIGHT next to me and just kind of staring. At me. Customers have only done this a few times, and quite frankly, I don't understand it and think it's fricken CREEPY. How hard is it to say "excuse me?" So, although I was perfectly aware that she was waiting for some response, I kept doing what I was doing. And I would have *continued* ignoring her, but it was starting to bother me, so I turned.

"Excuse me," she then said, snottily. "Do you have any cards in the backroom? I'm looking for a particular 'mother' card but you don't have any on the shelves."

I explained to her that American Greetings is completely in charge of that section, and so we don't have any of the extras kept in the store. Simple enough.

"How about underneath?" she asked, decidedly annoyed tone rising in her voice. "Can't you check the drawers underneath?"

Me, thinking: wtf is she talking about?!

Now come on. How many years have I been at this store? I knew what she was talking about, having seen them in OTHER stores, but I could have sworn that we did not have any drawers underneath the cards. But the lady seemed to be getting more pissed off by the second, so I was just like "I don't think we have any. . .but let's go look. . ."

Sure enough, we get to the aisle and it's plain to see that we have normal, non-drawer containing displays. She watched me impatiently as I gamely showed her that there were indeed no hidden cards to be found.

"Sorry 'bout that," I said in my usual I in no way mean it, but have to say something cuz I'm a retail slave way, to which she replied an honestly exasperated, "Yes, well." And she walked away all in a huff.

Dammit, if you were there you would have found it funny. Like I said, this lady comes in there all the time and before today, I thought she was nice. Everyone's become bitchy now that summer's here, though. @_@

The second instance didn't happen to me, but this was damn funny too. Nicole was ringing some guy out and he asked for a box of cigarettes. As is Brooks policy, she asked him for an ID. After mildly flipping out like "What? You're kidding me?" he stormed away from the register yelling "That's fucked up! Brooks is DEAD to me, yo!"

Five minutes later, the guy came back in with an ID and quietly bought the cigs.

Too fucking funny.

I also won the "cool award" for today, apparently. This one girl I work with (who's in high school) was nearby while I was punching out for my break.

"What's that you're reading?" she asked. I told her it was a bio of Teddy Roosevelt. She asked if it was for school and I was just like no, I read books like this all the time.
"What's the notebook for then?" she asked, cuz I had my journal with me, too. So I told her as much.
"Are you serious?" she said. "That is so cool."
I was just like "Uhh, okay. You don't have to be sarcastic," jokingly.
But she said she wasn't being sarcastic and she really thinks I'm like the coolest person ever for reading some kind of non-crap book and writing in a journal while I sip my coffee at Dunkin Donuts. Heh, I wasn't going to argue even if I must question her sanity. ^___^

That's not the first time I've gotten such accolades though. :p When the Jens and I spent three hours talking in Starbucks before going to dinner at Dr. Sterne's house, it was unanimously decided that I was one of the most interesting people they knew, haha. It was also decided that I need to leave a papers collection somewhere so, you know, after I become infamous for something, some poor URI student can write their senior thesis on what made me crack. I must admit I like that idea. >:)

So I drove my Mom's car home and decided to have a nice big can of clam chowder for dinner, with a small can of veggies mixed in just cuz. So fatty, so sodium-y, but so good and I pretty much ate the whole thing. I was kinda full, but whatever. I had a few gulps of water, went upstairs to my room and when I bent over to turn on my computer I threw up a fricken mouthful right onto the floor.

Until my body learns to cooperate, "I just threw up in my mouth a little" is NOT just an expression. >:( At least this never happens when there are other people around, although I did come close one time at Rich's, heh.

And that was my day. Tomorrow I was *going* to go running and then shopping, but I guess I'll be housebound without my car. I can still go running, even though I don't like doing so on the streets near my house cuz they're so busy and narrow. Rich and I are gonna go to India for dinner in the evening, so that's something to look forward to. Vindaloo [SPICY] curry with bean curd, naan, mango pickle. . .::drool:: I'm not even gonna tell you what it's like, hehe.

The Answer Is. . .

don't worry Matt; I assumed that if anyone answered, that's probably how they'd find out. ;)

The lyrics are from the musical Gypsy, which is based on the autobiography of burlesque stripper Gypsy Rose Lee. The song that the lyrics are from is used a bunch fo different times during the show-- it starts off as this cutesy little song-and-dance number that Louise (later Gypsy) and June are pushed to perform by their over-bearing stage mother and by the end, it's the song Louise uses during her strips. . .with a slightly different tone than before, hehe.

It's a really, really good show. A lot of people would say it's the best show of all time, but you know which other musical wins that accolade from me. >: ) There are like 6 or 7 different recordings of Gypsy, of which I have three (one with Angela Lansbury, one with Jonathan, one with Bernadette Peters) and I do listen to all of them! You've probably heard of the song "Everything's Coming Up Roses" and this musical is what it's from. It's a good song to run to, actually (hehe). And Family Guy even did a spoof of the scene/song one time-- I wish I remembered which episode, but it was GREAT. ^__^

Well, gotta go workout and shower and stuff now. Don't know if I'll write again tonight, but I'm always around.

Oh, And

If you understand the *significance* of the past entries' title, you deserve a super special prize. :p

Hint: it relates to something I talked about!

Let Me Entertain You, Let Me Make You Smile. . .*

My days never cease to be interesting.

First off, remember the stripper my Dad introduced me to last summer who was going to let me exercise her pony? And how I actually did one time before managing to lose touch with her? Apparently he heard from her today and she's throwing a BBQ at her new house next Saturday. Plus, the horses are at this new place (I guess she bought a Thoroughbred afterall) so she actually invited me and said maybe we could work something out pony-wise again.

I'll probably go, even if my Mom's not going to be there so it'll just be me and my Dad with this stripper and all her friends. Eek, haha. O_o;;; I can't fault this girl though because she's actually very nice. Before I met her, all I knew about her was her "profession" and I had no idea what she'd be like. I remember posting about this in my online diary on LB, and one of the girls was like "wow, I'd probably be intimidated" cuz she thought that if this girl was a stripper, she was bound to be gorgeous or something.

Well.

Like I said, she was nice. She has that much going for her. And I learned some things about her past that made it easier to understand how she may have gotten started on that path, etc. But physically. . .everything about her was fake. Her hair was obviously dyed and had extensions, she wore tons and tons of makeup and I never saw her in anything that wasn't completely form fitting-- and she was about my height but considerably chunkier, so it wasn't that pleasant. :\ And she probably had had some "work" done, but I don't need to go into any detail, heh. As a woman, I was in no way "intimidated" by her, in fact I found it very offputting. I know guys are visual creatures or whatnot, but I don't know how such obvious fakeness could be attractive. ;p

Again, I am NOT slagging her as a person or even the fact that she strips for a living. *I* am personally against it and I'd rather starve than degrade myself that way (hell, just having guys catcall when I'm out running makes me want to throw rocks through their windshield, hehe), but to each her own. She makes a ton more money doing that than I do at Brooks, haha.

Speaking of work, I thought today was going to completely suck but it was surprisingly good. Chris wasn't in a good mood when I got there because it had been a stupidly hectic morning and he hadn't gotten anything important done. Plus he was mildly hungover, hehe. Then one of the other afternoon workers called out, so it was just going to be me, Emily (the new girl I trained) and He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (ie. the kid I'm not fond of, not Voldemort). Although we were incredibly busy all afternoon and night long, it went by fast and wasn't too bad. I was in a surprisingly good mood with my customers too, at least during the 2nd half of the day. During the first half, oh my god, EVERYONE was SO RUDE. I don't understand why people that are heading off to the beach or some other fun-type place are always so bitchy, impatient, and downright stupid. GAH.

And I also love how some customers treat us as lesser people because we work in a fricken drug store. As if we have no other abilities or talents or what-have-you. I don't feel like detailing any good examples, but every single person that works there has their own stories. IMO, everyone should have to work in retail for at least a year. I think it would *really* open some people's eyes.

I developed the pictures today too and Rich, the picture of me half-asleep is SO BAD!!!!!! hahaha I look hungover, and I'm talking in a "I was near alcohol poisoning the night before" kind of way. It is AWFUL. ;D
However I also have some new, interesting pictures of you now. >: ) The ones with the cowboy hat are classic, hehe.

I am continuing to kick ED ass, though the up-coming possibly stressful week might be difficult. Maybe not though, cuz I've had plenty of opportunities and I haven't even gotten the slightest urge. Not to mention, I'd like to keep my weight right around where it is. It was a little too high a few weeks ago, but I shed 11 lbs just from not b/ping and I can live with this weight.

That's all for today. Talk to y'all later!





*If you know what these lyrics are from, you win! Either that or you spend too much time riding in the car with me, haha.

::yawn::

Not much to report today.

Rich and Rob and I just watched the movie The Jacket and it was freaking weird. I hadn't heard too many good things about it, but I thought it was alright.

Earlier today we went out to various places and had dinner at Mr. Taco's Que Pasa (or whatever the hell the name is!). The guys had ice cream at the place just up the road from the apartment afterwards; I just got a Drumstick from 7-11 instead.

I set up a profile for Rich on Facebook. He dictated the answers, but I did all the typing, hehe. I also wield the power of choosing which picture gets posted though, so this could be fun. >:)

Today was actually not a good day for me, moodwise. I'm not looking forward to the week that Rich is going to be spending in Texas. True, I'll still be working most nights, but hopefully I'll find something to do on the nights we usually spend together. If nothing crops up, guess I'll just go on a few hot Starbucks dates with my new notebook/journal. Yee-ha! ;p

Well, I'm going to read for a bit. oh, and the fruitcake thing isn't happening tomorrow cuz I wasn't home almost all day and just didn't have time. But it WILL be happening soon!

"Smells Like Power!"

;D

Revised random snippet entry!

Moving
We finally sold our house just the other night, so we'll be leaving around September 1st. Problem is, the condo won't be ready til December or January, so we need to find a place to stay during the fall. My parents are looking into a few options. I guess they know someone who may let us lease a small, already furnished house that's relatively close to where we live now (New Rd). Otherwise, my parents would like to just get a small, one-bedroom apartment somewhere closer to North Smithfield.
Yeah, I said one-bedroom.
I'm basically being kicked out for those few months. :
Living With Rich?
Maybe? Well, what other option do I have?
We talked about this briefly yesterday; I guess that the lease he has on his current apartment runs out right around September, so he, his brother, and I *could* look for a larger place. I wouldn't mind that set up, but I do feel bad that I wouldn't be able to contribute an equal share of the rent. I would clean though-- I swear! ;)

Waterfire
Thank you, Matt, for originally suggesting the idea! We all had a good time, so it's too bad that we haven't gotten a chance to hang out together much in recent times. *And* it's sad that you're probably leaving us soon, but I suppose that finding a job where you planned to be living anyway is a good thing. :)
Oh, and the cheesecake was delicious. I wish I had been able to finish my slice! Some competitive eater *I'd* make, hehe.
I also guess this means I'll never be eating 10,000 calories in one day, right Rich? ;)

10,000 calories?!
Haha, yes! I got this random idea one day that I wanted to TRY eating that much in one day. . .just to see if I could. You'd figure that just loading up on cheesecake and B&J's and maybe dinner at some Mexican restaurant would do the trick, but every combination I could think of didn't even come CLOSE to 10,000. That is an absolute freakload of food, haha.

Today, however. . .
If I were graded on Eating for today, I would only get a D-. A D if you were feeling generous. I just wasn't hungry, so it's doubtful that I had even 1,000 calories. Then I had coffee, too, and so now my stomach feels totally fucked up. Not to mention little food + crashing from caffeine during the last hour of work = completely unproductive Erica. It was bad. I feel like I let Chris down by not even finishing my usual tasks when I had plenty of time. :(
I really should know better. . .that same equation always leaves me unable to function. I used to pull this shit at school every Monday a few semesters ago (when I fell back into lovely ED-ness) and one of my professors actually pulled me aside for a chat because she was concerned about me. So embarrassing. But that's another story for another day.

2nd NYC Trip
My Mom and I had been planning to go to NYC in early July for months. My Dad's going away for National Guard stuff and Rich is going to visit his relatives in Texas during that first week, so we figured it would be a good time for us to go on a little day trip. I was pretty happy because I've been wanting to go back to the City and my Dad even offered to give us some $$ so I wouldn't have to spend any of my own.
In a *perfect* world. . .
As I almost assumed would happen, my Mom barged into my room this morning and just flat out said "I think we should wait until after we move to go to NYC." I was like "What? Why??" My Mom, who has been cleaning and packing OBSESSIVELY since we sold the house was like "I have so much to do, I can't afford to waste a day!" HELLO, we still have TWO MONTHS. ONE DAY is not going to make a difference!!! >:( But she couldn't be swayed otherwise. So hopefully, Rich, you and I can go sometime soon and finally check out those dinosaur bones, hehe.

People
Nick and I talked on AIM for the first time in a LONG time on Tuesday. ^__^ He's coming back to the US for a few days in July and would like to get together-- maybe go to the Mews or something. I'm quite happy about that because even before he and Chelsea moved to Japan, I hadn't seen him in awhile. Rich and I went to a few of their parties, but the only other time we talked was right before I went to Buffalo last summer, for like 2 minutes outside of Stop & Shop, haha.
I also have to email Jen, my friend from practically all the History classes I've taken. The last time I saw *her* was in early May, at her graduation party. We agreed to try and get together before she gets busy with grad school stuff in the fall. She always works like a billion hours a week-- even during the schoolyear, INCLUDING the semester we did our thesis. At that point she was taking a full course load, including said thesis, AND working at least 40 hours a week. I don't know how she did it, cuz if that had been me, people would have died. ;p

Other Stuff
I have two Brooks get-togethers coming up, and I'm bringing in a test-fruitcake on Sunday (which I'll be making tomorrow), so we'll see how that goes. The funny part about the fruitcake thing is that I haven't even worked with the girl who originally dared me since the damn fruit bits went on sale! She's possibly heard by now, but Chris said she's working on Sunday anyway, so she'll be there when it's unleashed. I so can't wait, haha.

Speaking of get-togethers, I know it's months away, but I am *considering* doing something small for my birthday this year. Maybe. It depends on a lot of factors, but just keep it in mind. :)

I think that's it. I'm not feeling too hot, but since I had coffee I'm bound to be up most of tonight.

Travis, I'll respond to your comments someday, hehe. Or maybe I'll catch you on AIM, who knows (yes, I did get your message this morning!).

Hasta luego!

>;0

I *was* going to post an entry this morning. . .I actually wrote most of it yesterday afternoon, but figured I'd finish it up now.

Of course, cuz of how my life *is,* half the things I wrote about have changed!

Since I have to start my entry from scratch, I'll just write it tonight after work.

Don't you love the warning entries? ;p

I Didn't Hate Being a Retail Slave Today

Hey, everyone! There's a TON of stuff I could go over today, but I'm gonna stick with Brooks-related things, hence the title. I highly doubt anyone reads my wicked long entries anyway, but hell, this blog is mostly for me cuz writing helps keep me sane. So your getting to read it is just a perk, I suppose. :p

Yeah, so today was actually a really good day. A lot of people were working since it's delivery day and Lora wanted us to finish putting away as many of the aisles as possible. I guess not many people work tomorrow, so it makes sense. I didn't have a drawer, and I didn't have to worry about doing one-hour, so all I had to concentrate on was working in the aisles, and that *is* nice.

I spent my day: putting away candy/sunscreen/bug stuff in aisle 4, helping Joyce put away household chemicals and pet stuff in aisle 17, having marshmallow flavored iced coffee and a blueberry bagel from DD on my break (the coffee was really good and the bagel was soft, so that was also nice ^____^), putting away tons of overstock in aisle 6, making a display of Glad trashbags for that aisle and pricing some random storage containers we got, helping Andrew take out the garbage/cardboard in the rain (haha, it was fun though), wandering around the store facing [straightening up] random things, and finally, letting out roughly 10,000,000,000 people that showed up right before 9 o'clock. I swear we've never had that many people in the store at 9 before. . .and of course one of them was this lady who was making prints on the Kodak machine, so it was 9:15 by the time she was finally done.

So that was my day, from 3pm-9pm. The more interesting part of today's entry has to do with the people I work with. . .

*warning-- ED talk, but it doesn't have to do with me, I swear! I've been a saint for almost a MONTH now. . .you all should be sending me presents >;p hehe. . .you can always skip to the next section if you don't care to read about this*

I *highly* suspect one of my coworkers has been b/p'ing during her breaks. I hope to whatever given deity that I had nothing to do with this, and most likely I did not. But still.
No, I've definitely noticed before now that she has food-weirdnesses. She's the one who told me she was taking diet pills and when we used to work together more often, she'd always talk about wanting to lose more weight, blah blah blah.

Gah, but lately I've noticed too many things that make me suspect the worst. She's been buying a ton of junk food on her breaks and always, always, always two bottles of soda. I'm not gonna get into the mechanics of it, but you need a lot of liquid (or ice cream!) to purge. And she never used to get these things on her breaks before. Plus, I know she's been eating/drinking it all cuz she never goes home with anything and doesn't leave anything in the office or breakroom for another day.
Secondly, she's the type of girl who wears a lot of makeup-- and several times now, she's come back from her break (from the bathroom, I may add) with noticeably messed up/much less eye-makeup, and it looked as though she had been crying. Purging makes you eyes water and get red, so this is also explained. ._.
Thirdly, her voice sounds scratchy when she returns from her break and she has to clear her throat a lot. I've definitely noticed this, and it's what made me most suspicious of all. Again, this would be caused by the post-nasal drip that inevitably happens afterwards.
And the last reason is way too TMI-ish to share, so I'm not even going to bother. But it's another very distinct sign.

::sigh::

I am so worried. :( I could be wrong, but it's happened several times now and it would make so much sense based on her previous attitudes towards food. You have no idea how much I HOPE it's something else. She's one of those people that always has a lot of issues going on, usually stuff beyond her control (and I know she doesn't even tell me all of it). The LAST thing she needs is an ED in the mix, trust me.

And I don't know what or IF I should say anything. If I see these things happen again, it'll be very tempting to just cuz, like I said, I *am* worried about her. Thing is, I wouldn't know WHAT to say and I'm also scared that I'd be wrong and then seem like a complete ass. Not that I'd come right out and *ask* mind you, I'd probably just say something like "Are you feeling okay?" And then maybe I'd throw something in about her not seeming like herself lately after her breaks. Or something. Gaaaah.

I dont know what to do. I really don't feel like "outing" myself mostly because if this girl finds out, it's guaranteed that the whole store WILL know. She's not necessarily the problem, but some of our co-workers that she's close to tend to be blabbermouths, and she would almost certainly tell *them.* So.

We'll see what happens with that.

*END OF ED STUFF!*

There's a fair amount of drama at Brooks, but I try not to have any part in it. I get along with everyone well. . .except one guy. I don't know what it is about him. He's kinda quiet to begin with, but even when I've tried to initiate SOME kind of conversation, he either ignores me or barely responds. It makes having to work with him very awkward, and honestly, I don't even really try with him anymore.

He's kinda new (though not new to Brooks itself) and when he first started working at my store, a group of us who are fairly close all agreed about him. But now it seems like I'm the only person he continues to treat oddly. He especially favors some of the other girls and a reliable source told me that he *does* treat the girls he thinks are "cute" differently. UGH. Well personally I am GLAD he mostly ignores me, if that's the case! Even if I were single, he's one of the LAST guys I know that I'd even consider flirting with or whatever (and some of the girls *do,* probably cuz they've figured his tactic out). >.< Yuck x a billion.

Luckily I have some really cool coworkers, like Chris and Nicole, who I've mentioned before, to make up for it. But even they have been kind of bothering me lately.

When I work with just one or the other, it's fine. We talk, we joke around, it's all good. But when the three of us have a shift together, they basically leave me out. I don't think it's *completely* intentional-- I'm usually tied to a register or one-hour photo, so I don't have as much time to stand around and chat like they do. But it does happen. And they definitely talk about more serious things with one another than either of them do with me. I guess I shouldn't be jealous, but I am kinda. I consider myself a friend of both, but apparently not as much of a friend as they consider each other (and Nicole has a boyfriend, so I know it's not like *that*).

I would say that maybe it's cuz Nicole, like me, has an easier time befriending guys, thus she *would* be more likely to talk to Chris than me, but I know that's not the case either. She's close to several of our female coworkers, too. Out of everyone there that she's friends with, I'm the only one that seems to be out of the loop. Maybe I shouldn't care so much, but I'm tired of this always being the case. Do people think I'm untrustworthy? That I don't care? I don't know what it is, but I'm sick to death of it. I doubt it'll ever change-- I just intrinsically repel people from getting too close. @_@

Alright, I'm done. Time for All Shook Up and cookies!

::blink::

gah, so much to write! I'm not even going to attempt starting it til tonight, after work.

I wish I could have taken the rest of that cheesecake home, hehe.

All for now!

Legend in Six Languages!

I lied. This entry probably won't be that long, so don't be scared.

Friday and Sunday I worked, so it was only Saturday that I spent tons of time loafing around, writing. I don't like being secretive, but in this case, it's better that way. All I'll say is: I should have expected it (instead of getting my hopes up) and I just have to learn to deal. If your name is Rich, you'll get the whole story. Otherwise, sorry.

Something kinda funny happened when I was in Starbucks Saturday night. When I got there, the place was mostly empty so I parked myself in one of the comfortable chairs by the front windows. Since it *was* Saturday night though, the place started to fill up rapidly soon afterwards and naturally, the comfortable chairs were the first to go. 2 of the other sets were taken by actual groups of people, so all their chairs were in use, but I had an empty chair and the guy in the corner behind me also had an empty chair. He definitely came alone and was busily working on *something.* I dunno, but he had a briefcase and all this stuff on the table before him and generally looked like me back when I was working on my thesis, hehe.

Anyway, after a small rush of customers, most of the people took their drinks and left the store, but there was one guy. . . he only had a drink, but appeared intent on sitting down. Now mind you, almost all of the regular tables were free, but this dude didn't seem to notice. I had been watching the customers for a bit cuz I had run out of stuff to write, and was alarmed when random middle-aged man started walking in my direction! Or, should I say, in the direction of the comfortable chair right near mine. O_o
Well, I guess the Death Stare I gave him changed his mind, so what did he do next? That's right, without even asking, he set himself down in the empty comfy chair next to the guy doing work! I guess he didn't mind, cuz he kept on doing his stuff, and the middle aged guy just sat there and had his drink. So then I wrote about that, haha.
It would have been one thing if he SAID something like "Is anyone sitting here?" or at least gave some kind of nod, but nope. Heh, I found this quite funny at the time, but maybe you had to be there to appreciate it. :P

I used to actually get *upset* if random people came too close. Like this one time, when I first started going to URI, I was sitting on one of the couches on the 3rd floor (of the library), just reading between classes. All of the couches filled up pretty fast, but nevertheless, I was surprised when a random girl sat herself down at the opposite end of the couch *I* was on.

And for some reason, this totally offended me. Like, I could not concentrate on what I was reading anymore. So I got up in a complete huff and left. Went to sit at one of the decidedly uncomfortable desks cuz HOW DARE THAT GIRL for coming too close.

._.

I haven't done anything like that since and certainly I've HAD situations like that arise and it didn't bother me. But actually, this is hedging into territory I didn't want to discuss, so I'm gonna have to end this subject here.

I guess this stomach bug has been going around Brooks and I actually caught it for once. Yeah, like the past several days I would just feel nauseous off and on and it was really vexing. I went into work yesterday lamenting the situation and this girl Nicole was like "Oh, you too! Good!" so naturally I was like "Good?" Apparently she was scared that she was pregnant, cuz she had been waking up nauseous for a few days, haha. And someone else had a stomach bug last week (and is a guy) so it's probably just that. Anyway, it got awful enough that I chugged some Emetrol (like half the bottle-- I didn't have a spoon to measure with! :x) and that helped a lot. And cuz Chris and I were making fun of the awful Brooks radio commercials on Friday, he and Nicole decided I should do an equally awful one for Emetrol to the tune of that even MORE awful "Milkshake" song that was popular awhile back, haha. Trust me, it wouldn't be worse than some of the things they play. (Like a Jessica Simpson song EVERY HOUR. Why? Cuz we sell her "Dessert Treats" products-- really overpriced body lotion, powder, lipgloss, etc. and no one buys it. Ever. So Brooks probably just feels bad, either that or they're hoping if customers hear her caterwauling, they'll magically want her products. Or maybe they just like torturing their employees. So many possibilities!)

Did I say this wasn't going to be long? ^___^

AK Press is hiring, apparently. They're a collective dealing with radical lit and products, so obviously a requirement for working there is sharing their anarchist (or otherwise very radical) views. Don't worry, I'm not applying, but it would be interesting. Besides, what are my qualifications? "Hi, I'm not actually involved in the movement, but I wrote a paper on it!" Yeah, just slap a gun in my hand and call me Leon, heheh.

I think I've changed my mind-- if reincarnation happens, I guess I wasn't Mozart afterall and I'd have to go with Czologsz instead. Or maybe I was both. ;) Genius composer to assassin? Awesome.
I don't actually believe in reincarnation much at all, but since doing my paper, I could point out a LOT of ways in which LC and I are similar. It's actually a little scary. O_o Maybe another time. . .

The only other thing I"m willing to discuss today is this: should I attempt getting back into ballet instead of riding? Ballet would be a LOT cheaper. On one hand. I have some old leotards and tights, but I would need new soft shoes and a new skirt. That would probably be less than $100. I'm not sure how much it would cost to take one class, but you only pay twice a year and I'm guessing it wouldn't be TOO much. Certainly not like taking a $45+ riding lesson every week.

There are several cons, however. Getting there would be a big one. The only school that I'd even consider taking lessons at is Festival. Unfortunately, in the years since I've left, they moved to their old, more convenient location to a new place on Hope Street in Providence. I guess only going there once a week wouldn't be too bad, though. Then there's the worry about me not being half as good as I used to be. ._. When I started taking dance classes again at UT, it was obvious even then that some of my skills had deteriorated. I used to do really well at big jumps and pirouettes (back in h.s.) but now it's hard to even do one very correctly. I'm more flexible than I used to be, but can only extend my leg to about 90 degrees, which isn't very high at all and nowhere near what I used to be capable of. I improved quite a bit during that year at UT, enough that both my ballet and jazz instructors encouraged me to keep dancing and even to try taking classes in NYC, but I *was* dancing just about every day. Improvement was guaranteed. If I can only take one class now, it wouldn't be enough to improve at all and I find *that* discouraging, too.

Well, I have to go, but I have more to say on this subject later.

And if you all stop leaving me comments for good, I just may go back into hiding! Yeah, I'm sure that would be tragic, hehe. ;)

Techno is Much Less Exciting on Headphones

And y'all are in for a monstrous entry some time today.

I accidentally said "y'all" while ringing today and got the "oh, where are you from?" line for the billionth time, haha. Do I otherwise have a Southern accent?!

Yes, but anyway. Entry. Later today.

And Matt, I haven't left comments in your blog, but I need to commend you for your last entry. It gave me a lot to think about and it helped give me a push (or kick in the ass, heh) in the right direction. So, thanks. :)

The Anti-Warning Entry

In that I'm writing to tell you *not* to expect an entry soon. :p

I'll still be online, but I feel like writing in my notebook journal instead of on here for a few days. Nothing bad really, so don't fret.

Tomorrow I'm going to the URI Farmer's Market in the morning (if it doesn't rain, I have no idea what the forecast is like) and then probably out for coffee at night, but my day is still looking free.

That's about it. Email, IM or call if you need to. And if you're wondering what the Libya's flag thing is about, check out this page. :D

Jack Nicholson is a Cheese Druid

Oh, how I miss SaladshooterX! I'm gonna have to go through the file on my laptop with some of the funny conversations/quotes I had with that thing. I know he was quite convinced that my hamster was gay and would look nice in a dress, haha.

Quick notes (I've been writing far too many long entries in this thing!) . . .

Travis -- If you go into the Edit Profile screen, there should be an option in the Privacy section where you can choose "blogs to display," or something similar. If that box is already checked, then I also have no idea. Or you could just give me the url. It's all good; I'm not trying to be a creepy stalker or anything, haha.

Matt -- Rich thinks we should definitely go to Waterfire on Tuesday. Sooo, I'll be talking to you on AIM soon, I'm sure, and we can work out driving and all that good stuff. :)

Also, Rich is abandoning me this weekend so my Saturday is 100% open. Only thing I have to do is buy my Dad's Father's Day gift (a 6 pack of Corona is all he wants, lol), otherwise I'm game for anything, if anyone's interested. ^___^

Okay, we're heading out to see Batman Begins so talk to you all later!

Not the Coffeemaker Again! O_o

In the past ten minutes, I've received the same junk email for a "silver coffeemaker and cup set" three times! I guess that's what I get for sticking with AOL, haha. (And at least it's not porn, which IS what the Internet's for ;) )*

*warning-- ED stuff* as usual, you don't have to read. . .

So I was just eating lunch and was reading this article in the ProJo about Terri Schiavo's autopsy results. As you may know, it's been theorized that one of the reasons her heart stopped in the first place was cuz she had bulimia. You see, purging of any type lowers your electrolyte levels, particularly potassium. And if things get messed up enough, it's very possible for one's heart to stop. It doesn't matter if someone's been b/ping for 2 months or 20 years, anyone is vulnerable . . .it just depends how strong your individual constitution is, I guess.

Anyway, at on point the article said that Terri's husband originally sued her obstetrician for $1 million cuz his wife's bulimia was not diagnosed. And he won.

Where's my $1 million?

The public is, by and large, VERY ignorant when it comes to eating disorders. Of course, I don't know the particulars of what happened between Schiavo and her doctor, but I *do* know that bulimia can be notoriously difficult to detect, especially if it's not too severe.

Case in point:
I went to my physician's office last winter for my usual check up. I had purged the night before, so I was honestly a little worried it would be picked up on, particularly cuz stuff about my past ED treatment is in my file.
Anyway, she weighed me. Said I was down a few lbs from last year. No biggie, still quite in the normal range.
She used the stethescope (sp?!) and took my blood pressure. Everything normal.
She shined the light in my eyes, looked in my ears and up my nose. Okay, she said.
Then she looked down my throat and felt my glands.

You must have allergies, she said. That would account for my swollen glands and mucousy nose (heh). And I guess my throat looked irritated.

I shrugged. I don't think I do, but it's possible, said I.

My doctor also asks a lot of questions about lifestyle habits, and of course nutrition is a big part of that. I passed her questions with flying colors.

Sounds like you're doing great, she said as we were wrapping up.

But what was I supposed to say? She didn't ask if I had acid reflux or if my digestion had been normal (it's not; chinese food, anything overly greasy, etc. just sits in my stomach for HOURS) and I wasn't willing to volunteer that info. I have been trying to stop, but I want to do it on my own terms. My life is overall pretty good right now, so I don't think therapy would be beneficial, and I don't think drugs are the answer.

And actually, when the screen came up on the computer that said "Previous treatment for eating disorder," she didn't even mention it. She clicked forward to the next screen.

Now, to set the record straight, I am not bulimic. I do not fit the "official" criteria simply because I do not b/p often enough or on large amounts of food, so I am ED-Not Otherwise Specified Types 3&4. Yay.

Anyway, I'm skeptical about Schiavo's autopsy doctors saying that bulimia "definitely" had nothing to do with her heart failure. Maybe she also didn't do it often enough to cause other, obvious physical damage. Remember folks, it just takes one instance of getting the potassium low enough, and you're done. ._.

I have no answers. I just wish more people (especially young girls) knew that THAT is the reality of EDs. There is nothing glamourous about it.

I also wish more people were willing to write/read/discuss/learn about EDs. Ignoring something is not going to make it go away.


























*I'm not being a pervert; it's not my fault you haven't listened to Avenue Q! hehe

How To Make Me Panic ;p

This could be a long entry, so I'll be nice and put my personal comments at the *beginning* this time, haha.

Matt -- Check your blog. Yes, the names were inspired by my Wall of Beer Bottles. :D
Also, I was rereading some of my past entries last night and came across a note you left saying that you had pictures of a moose you saw when you were driving to/from (?) NH. Did you ever post them anywhere? Another pic of the week, perhaps? Come on, who *doesn't* want to see moose pics besides, you know, everyone except me? haha Well, whatever. But I AM jealous that you got to see them. I like to joke with Rich that they don't actually exist since I seem to be the only person that's never come across one. ;0
And dude, I don't know about the CD thing. Giving away my Assassins CD is equal to me giving away my right arm for awhile. . .or maybe just my left one, since I've been listening to All Shook Up more anyway. If we could work out a way so I wouldn't have to be without it too long, then MAYBE it's a possibility. Thanks for offering though, cuz it would certainly be cheaper than having to buy ANOTHER copy. We'll have to talk about this. ;)

Travis -- I'm sure that your blog is very interesting, but unless I'm mistaken, the link you gave me only goes to your profile. I tried going to blacksheep.blogspot.com, but it was some teenaged girl that hadn't updated for a few years. . .so unless you have an alter ego. . .? haha Anyway, just thought I'd let you know. ;)

Rich -- Last but NOT least, hehe. I hope you know what day today was. . .I'll give you a hint: 2 years and 6 months! Just 4 more months and you'll win the "I've Survived the Longest as Erica's Boyfriend" award. ;p It just randomly occured to me while I was at work today, so I thought I'd point it out. This is definitely a cause for some celebration though, maybe in the form of pad thai? hehe Actually, I *really* wish we could find another Indian restaurant cuz I've been hankering for some non-homemade vindaloo curry. Maybe we should wait though, unless Rob and Patrick are down for some Indian food too (and paying for it, haha).
You are beastly, but I love you. ;) And you're probably not going to read this for another week anyway, hehe.

Onto today!

Pre-work, today was nothing unusual. So I hoped that, with any luck, work would be equally uneventful. I knew there was supposed to be a semi-new kid working, but that Lora would probably have Heather train him so I could put away my usual aisles (Weds = delivery day), and Todd would ring.

So I get there to find Sarah and Joyce, two of the assistant mangers, up in the office, huddled around the schedule. The first thing out of Sarah's mouth was "Well at least YOU'RE here."

As it *would* happen, both Heather AND Todd had both called out; so I was going to be working with Eric, who's only worked 2 days, and Emily, for whom this *was* her first day. Therefore, all I'd have to do today would be train Emily how to work the cash register, fill cigarettes and log in film, keep an eye on still-new Eric and teach him how to fill the front candy and put away the delivery stock, also ring customers when needed, AND take care of 1-hour photo.

O_o

Maybe that doesn't sound like a lot, but it could mean I'd have to be in four places at once. And Narragansett is already busy with (impatient, often crabby) tourists, which meant we'd probably be busy most of the afternoon/evening. Not to mention, as soon as I punched in, the girl who had been doing photo basically left me with *86* reprints to do. Thanks! v_v

So yeah, I was stressed. I am NOT a person who believes in multi-tasking, so I didn't know how I was going to be able to do all this. Presumably the only other person in the store was going to be Lora, the manager, so I was gonna have to keep everything going smoothly since she's pretty picky about getting things done well.

I was positive that my day was going to turn to shit. Seriously. I would probably end up b/ping during my break, would probably end up seeming like a bitch to the new people, and would probably not be able to get anything done well at all. I got to work at 3, so luckily I had until 4, when the shifts change, to get myself composed.

Well, I was highly surprised. Today became one of the BEST days I've had recently!

Eric basically knew what he was doing, he just had questions about random, newbie type things. Emily had never worked a cash register before, but she picked it up quickly and I had her taking care of her own customers within the first hour (although I stayed close by at first). After I did the reprints, there were no more 1-hours the entire night! You have NO idea how rare that is, especially during this time of the year. And also it was not *too* busy, so Eric and I got all the candy put away within a very reasonable amount of time.

Chris also came in at 6ish, which was a BIG help (hahaha, I definitely wrote "Christ" at first). Chris is my age, and he's an assistant manger and one of my favorite people to work with. We work well together and he finds me amusing, so that's good enough for me. ;)

So yes, Chris came in to help us for the last few hours. And everything just went very, very smoothly. I really could not have asked for a better day. Lora was in a good mood too, so we all got to leave a bit early. Nothing better than that. :)

And today *was* a good day food-wise, too. If anything, I've been going through a slight restricting phase lately, but I fought it today without going overboard. I was only going to have a few baby carrots with hummus during my break, but I decided to have a Power Bar too so I'd actually have enough *energy* to make it through the night. I had a normal sized dinner when I got home AND two pieces of chocolate. And I didn't feel guilty at all. :D

So yeah, that's it. Since the NY trip is off, I have no plans for tomorrow until the evening. Rich and his brothers and I will probably be going out for dinner and then seeing the new Batman movie. If it's not too cold, I'll probably run in the morning and if not, maybe I'll just go out for coffee or something. That's just what I do, hehe.

No Entry/Starbucks Q

food log

almond butter and strawberry/rhubarb jelly on wheat
soyrizo, veggies, rice cheese
3 Fig Newtons
some almonds
some dried cherries
some rice/seaweed crackers
a Sante Fe Beans and Rice Lean Cuisine with 1 small can of mixed veggies
a tall (small) nonfat mocha latte from Starbucks

that's it.

Does anyone know where the Starbucks that's about to open in Wakefield is? At least you know where I'm going to be during the school year. :p

I Smell Good Today

and I know you care. :D

So you may have noticed I changed my icon from Hubert Cumberdale to me on a horse. That was taken during the semester I spent at Virginia Intermont (one of the worst places on earth for anyone with a sense of individuality). I used to ride on the weekends either to practice or just for fun, and usually on a big grey horse named Mr. Jordan. He was one of the sweetest, laziest horses ever, haha. A lot of people didn't like him for that very reason, so if I didn't ride him on the weekend, no one else would. Well, one weekend, after I got in "trouble" for not following a rule I didn't know existed, they attempted to punish me by taking Mr. J off the list of horses available on the weekend. Bastards.

Not willing to let them win at their perverse little game, I simply decided to sign up for a horse I had never ridden before, even though the pickings were slim. I decided on Jock, the chestnut pony in the picture, who was used for beginner lessons.

Jock was another horse that never got ridden on the weekends, but the reason people didn't like *him* was cuz he smelled. He had some kind of nasal problem that caused thick, greenish mucous. . .so he just had a runny nose all the time. And no, it didn't smell too good. But oh my god, he was one of the MOST fun horses I have EVER ridden. He was completely push-button; you asked him to canter, he'd canter, wanted to practice counter-bending, he would do that too, no questions asked. He was also so well-behaved on the ground that I never needed to tie him in his stall to groom or tack him up. Even when Mr. Jordan was placed back on the riding list, I'd usually ride both horses because I'd taken such a strong liking to Jock as well.

So my icon was taken one day when I was practicing riding without stirrups. The other girl in the photo was also in my riding class so she was practicing the same thing, but her horse was one of the most comfortable in the barn, and mine was one of the bounciest. o_o;; You can't see it too well in the pic, but I was actually laughing cuz it was so ridiculous, hehehe.

Ah, so many horse stories. That's another subject of my life I could write a whole book about.

That's not actually what I planned on writing about, so maybe I'll get to the other topic that had been on my mind later.

And Matt, I have not forgotten about telling you what's going on with tomorrow. I *can* tell you that it's very likely not going to happen, but I'll give you my final word later today.

Orange Tic Tacs are the Best Tic Tacs

Remember that stupid "health habits" survey we had to take during high school, like once or twice a year? The one that asked questions about using sunscreen and smoking and what you eat, etc.? (This only applies if you went to NKHS for y'all sitting there scratching your heads, haha) I remember that the last one we had to do was written, not multiple choice on the computer, so you could put more detailed answers. I had a blast with that thing. There was a question like "How many hours do you spend in direct sunlight each day?" and I wrote "I AM the sun; you cannot destroy me." And then after answering all four years how I wasn't a smoker, I put down something like "After all my fingernails fell out, I started smoking six packs a day." Totally random shit, and it was hilarious at the time. I still find it pretty funny, hehe.

I decided that as my college career FINALLY comes to an end, I should write about my 6.5 rather interesting years of higher education. ;p I started doing this a few years ago, actually. I got through my first year at UT, but then I got a bit stuck. I think I should try pressing on with it though. Some of the things I went through, good and bad, are just too interesting to NOT get written down. O_o;;

And yes, unlike FMC stuff, I *would* let people read this.

Gah, I need a 12-Step program cuz I can't stop listening to All Shook Up. I'm gonna need a new CD before you know it. Bad enough I already need a THIRD copy of Assassins. Even my burned copy skips!

I have found several fruitcake recipes, some of which sound interesting. And it's now official that just about everyone at Brooks knows about the deal, so the pressure is on to produce something edible, haha.

So my parents think I'm on crystal meth? Or something? Like 2 weeks ago, I had just come home from work and was eating at the kitchen table when my Dad came into the kitchen to take his pills or whatever. Well out of the blue, he was like "We watched this show on TV tonight. . .about this guy whose life was ruined. . .cuz he used crystal meth." You totally have to know my Dad and how he speaks, especially when it's about such topics, to fully understand this, haha. I just stopped midchew and said something like "That's nice. .too bad I don't use crystal meth." cuz honestly, that is so completely random! I've never done anything "harder" than pot (a few times) and even that was like 18,000 years ago now, so I have no idea WHY my Dad said this to me. He's not one to strike up random conversations, either, which made it even more strange.

Then again, I have to say that my Dad is pretty delusional when it comes to my life. When I left VI, he was going to write a letter to the school's president saying I now hated horses and riding, and no longer wanted to pursue my dream of being a veterinary technician (??????). We were also watching TV together one time, this had to be about a year ago or more, when he randomly said I had been "a little too thin" back when "all that stuff" was going on. For the record, I reached my lowest weight just a few months ago. My lowest weight before *that* had been 115, and on a 5'5" height, that's not even close to being "too thin." And also, when he said this comment, I was probably 120 or 125 at the most. Is 5-10 lbs that noticeable? I appreciate the thought, but really. My family just amazes me sometimes.

I'm reading Theodore Rex right now, which as you may know, is a biography of Theodore Roosevelt, but only during the years of his presidency. It's pretty good, but not quite as well written as Dark Horse or as intriguing as the Conkling bio. I'd like to get my hands on a good bio of General Grant next, preferably something concentrating more on his presidency than his Civil War years. Well, we'll see. Can't forget that the next Harry Potter will be out soon and Brooks usually gets a few copies, one of which will surely be reserved for someone I know. ^__^

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to Wickford with my Mom and I'll probably buy a skirt from the Midnight Sun if they aren't too expensive. Maybe I'll even get a slice of cheesecake from the bakery, though I don't know how much my stomach would appreciate that, haha. I don't have any other plans, but I'd like to go running at some point too. Then I imagine I'll be going to Rich's at night so we can watch the final episodes of the Apprentice ( I should just stay over so we can finish them :) ) and do whatever else. Heh.

On that note, I am so done with writing for tonight! I'm gonna go read.

G'night!

Tying Up Loose Ends!

I've been energetic in my titles lately, eh? ;)

Before I begin my actual entry, I just wanted to put up another important note regarding the possible NYC trip on Thursday.

*I* will probably not be able to go. :x

It comes down to a purely financial matter. There’s a good chance my car needs a new tire, and thus the money I’d be spending to go to NY would definitely be needed for that instead. Although I would LOVE to go to the CD signing, I can always try waiting at the stage door when my Mom and I go in early July. Sure, there’s still a chance I won’t meet Jonathan that way, but if I *do* I’ll have my Assassins playbill good and ready, haha.

There is still a tiny chance that I’ll still want to go this week, but the odds are looking less and less likely. My friend Matt expressed interest in going this morning, as did a girl I work with, so I’ll let you both know my final decision tomorrow night. Promise.

Moving right along. . .

Travis, thank you for being the first person to agree with me on the whole “I think history is wicked boring; clearly I should major in it!” thing, haha. I actually found this attitude *most* prevalent in my 400-level classes with Dr. Sterne, which was a bit perplexing. You’d be surprised how many people had no actual interest in their topics—at all. I mean, yes, I was lucky because I knew from Day 1 that I was gonna do anarchism but even if the theme of the class was something I didn’t know much about, like say the Civil War, I’d at least try to find a topic that interested me somewhat. I just imagine that gnawing one’s foot off would be more fun than writing a 30+ page paper research paper about a subject you don’t even like. ::shrug:: oh well, their loss I guess.

$11.50 minimum wage? Hell, I’d be more than happy with that! If anybody shot you over proposing something like that, I promise I wouldn’t have anything to do with it, haha.

When I went to school in Tennessee, there was student group there that was constantly active on campus, fighting to make sure all the campus janitors, cooks, etc. were making a living wage—which of course is more than minimum wage. I didn’t really “get” what they were going on about at the time, but now that I’m living it (somewhat? Heh) I can’t imagine how anyone could think it’s *not* important.

I love to ramble, don’t I? ^___^

And yeah. It seems that graduate school and/or teaching is every history major’s game plan. I’m not big on the teaching idea, but I’ve considered grad school—either for straight-up History, Museum Studies or even Historical Preservation. That’s IF I decide I definitely want to have a career in the field of history. Part of my problem is I have a billion and one interests, so it’s hard for me to focus on any particular one as a long-term plan. Like today, I’d be perfectly happy just continuing to learn about history as a hobby and raise sheep full time, haha. Okay, so that will probably never happen, but it’s an idea. ^__^ I don’t know, I always feel like everyone else seems to know *exactly* what they’re doing after graduation, but I guess realistically that’s not the case.

So anyway, thanks for reading/responding and speaking of all this history stuff, hope your research and everything’s going well. Hooray for radical social movements! Haha

****

I actually have a typical entry to post too, so I’m gonna take a short break and then be back to write some more.

EVERYONE READ!!! READ! READ! READ!

It's really not that important. ;p

BUT. . .

***If anyone is free this Thursday (6/16) and wants to go to NYC with me, I will be beyond ridiculously happy and grateful. ^_____^ ****

The cast of All Shook Up is going to be signing CDs at the Virgin Megastore (or whatev) and I think it would be really, really awesome to go. Problem is, Rich has to work and since I'm not exactly willing to go to NYC by myself, I figured I'd extend the invitation to my faithful readers.

The signing is from 6pm-7pm, but I would want to get to the city much earlier in the day to make sure there is plenty of time to get a good spot in line. Thus, since I would prefer to take the train from Stamford, we'd have to leave fairly early in the morning (since it takes 2 hours just to get there from my house in North Kingstown). If I find someone interested in going, we will work out the finer details. Btw, the train is $17 for a round trip ticket from Stamford. It is a LOT cheaper than leaving from a closer station, trust me.

So, once again. . .qualifications are:

1) I must know you irl. . .I'm not taking random strangers with me, haha
2) You must be free this Thursday (6/16), all day
3) You must be willing to pitch in a bit of gas money, along with the $17 for your train ticket
4) You must be willing to spend the better part of your day with yours truly, who will possibly be a bit hyper if Mr. Hadary is part of the signing line. (And if you don't know why I'm such a fan of Jonathan in the first place, read down his list of roles here and that should give you the answer. ;p)

PLEASE, if you think you can go, ALERT ME BY WEDNESDAY MORNING AT THE LATEST. You can email me (dancinfishstick@aol.com) or AIM me at Guiteau4Ambssdor

And if I don't hear from anyone and thus don't get to go (or can't persuade my Mom to join me as a LAST resort ;p) trust me, you'll be hearing about that too. V_V hehe

I have an actual entry, but I will write it later or maybe even tomorrow. And Travis, if you're still reading, I'll be responding to your comment too. [ of course I wait til the end of my entry to throw this in, haha] :)

Fruit Cake and Prozac. Yum.

First of all. . .Sarah, if you're still reading this, I *did* see your horse-related note! I'm just really, really, really slow about responding to my comments. Always have been, always will be (hehe). I was actually planning to write another horse related entry soon, but I've been sidetracked. I'm sure it'll happen some time in the near future. ^__^

So anyways. This morning was another awful "I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate the world" fest. My mind just takes off in these crazy directions, without warning and usually without any hope of me being able to *make* it go away. I hate when it happens, and I've been this way for years. People who have known me for awhile know this. ._.

Well, I decided to take some of my leftover Prozac, cuz I figured it would either just not work (since it's pretty old) or it would help. I took it around 4:30 this afternoon, and I have been feeling noticeably better since about 7:30. Thing is, I don't know if it's just my mood making another swing of its own accord or if the meds actually kicked in. Prozac always worked VERY fact for me, so it's possible. I'll know for sure if my appetite totally dissapates within the next few days.

I don't mind being on Prozac. The ONLY problem is that I don't have many pills left and I would need another prescription in order to get more. Unfortunately, my parents are in the middle of switching doctors (this affects me too, since we all go to the same one) and last time I got the pills, there was a problem with my insurance that I would have had to get my parents to fix. I wasn't keen on telling them I needed meds again, so I just got the generic pills and paid full price (only $25, but still). If I wanted to stay on the Prozac now, I'd pretty much have to get them involved. I *could* say that I'm getting panic attacks/anxiety again, which is not altogether false. But as you and I all know, the ED is the real problem-- and the Prozac helps IMMENSELY with that. I do NOT want to dig up that particular issue with them again though. They think (or at least my Mom does) that I instantly recovered after that one workshop back in February of 2004. If I told them that no, that was not the case, they'd want to know *why* I'm doing it again and that would mean getting into a billion more things than I'm comfortable telling them. So even though I HATE lying, I really think it would be better for everyone in this case. But I'll have to see if the Prozac is even working first.

Once my mood improved, work was actually okay tonight-- except that I found out that one of my favorite managers, Sarah, gave her two weeks recently. :( So Chris and I were discussing if we're bound to import a new shift supervisor from another store AGAIN or if Lora will finally promote one of us slaves. He agrees that I SHOULD be the first choice but the fact that I am DEFINITELY LEAVING in December is a big mark against me. Even though I *would* probably have to decline if Lora offered the position to me for that exact reason, I'd just be glad that she *asked.* If she doesn't even at least OFFER it to me and promotes someone else (I'm the oldest cashier AND I have the most seniority) I will be pissed. And maybe I *would* leave sooner. I guess we'll worry about that when the time comes.

I have also been comissioned (sp?) to make a fruitcake for my coworkers, haha. You see, since Xmas, we've had these big containers of the candied fruit that you put into a fruitcake that, obviously, no one bought. They went on clearance for $1.49 for awhile, and I jokingly told one of my coworkers that if their price ever dropped below a dollar, I would buy them and make everyone an awesome fruitcake. Well, after months and months, wouldn't you know that they FINALLY dropped to $.49? hahaaha So now I have to make fruitcake (even though I'm not a huge fan of it and I've never even THOUGHT about making one before!) and it has to be decent cuz everyone wants to try it! haha So I need to google some recipes and try out whatever one sounds least nasty. This'll happen within the next few weeks. Should be amusing. o_o ^____^

That's about it. I swore I'd work out my upper body tonight, so I best get to it before my motivation wanes. :p

**Food Log **

cuz I'm bored. ;p

2 soy sausage patties
1 cup of 100% mango juice
1 can of lf chicken/tortilla soup
a salad with lf mango/poppyseed dressing
some baby carrots and hummus
an apple with lf pb
a very small scoops of maple walnut ice cream with chocolate sauce
2 dates
a sandwich with marinated chicken, cheese, lettuce, tomato, etc.
a few Doritos
a HUGE cup of strawberry cheesecake ice cream from the place near Rich's apt. and it wasn't even that good. >_< (I mostly wish there hadn't been SO much of it)

that's it.

I ran for 15 minutes and walked for 15 minutes. I also did *some* stretching and leg work, but nothing major. Tomorrow morning I'll do the upper body work I had originally planned for tonight, but I'm staying over at Rich's place, so I don't have my weights around.

Yay, Finally

weight going down a little bit.

A few days ago I was *13* lb OVER my lowest weight. That hurt. I've lost 4 lbs in the past few days though, so that's good. Now I'm only 2 lbs away from being in my "safe" zone.

Just need to keep running and not pigging out quite so much.

Not Sure What to Write, But. . .

Hi.

It's time for downward moodswing #45. This one's pretty bad though. This ranks among some of my worse times, in some but not all aspects.

Work is a hugely bad thing right now. Everything about it. I'm really just tired of *being* at Brooks, I think. I've been dreading going for the past week or so, just because. Too many things have just been grating on me lately. The stupid revamped dress code, for one minor thing. The fact that I'm not even making a living wage (at my present weekly income, I'd only be making about $6,000 per year), and the fact that I'm one of the 20+ year olds I've known that have worked at Brooks and am still *just* a cashier.

But, of course, I am only qualified to work retail jobs, so even if I quit Brooks, I wouldn't probably land a much better job. I hear about people making like $9, $10 an hour and I'm like O_O. That is sooooooo much money. I can't picture myself ever making that much (I'm not being sarcastic).

And what pisses me off about that is that I am a lot smarter than people that make that and much more. Like the dude Rich knows from work who would drink a bottle of NyQuil every night to get to sleep-- and then was like "hmm, I'm having weird side effects" (haha, sorry, Rich. . .had to use that example). And a whole bunch of the tourists we get at Brooks, who are obviously wealthy in some cases and lack any common sense. (Well, it's kinda the same way I feel about people in my college classes that complain about the amount of reading/work/etc. Why are you in college then?! Going to a university was originally done with the intent of gaining more knowledge. . .not to get a piece of paper so you could get said $$$ job. Honestly. . .I really do wonder about people in my history classes that are history majors and complain about having to learn the subject! Wtf? I ENJOY history, and yes the work sucks sometimes, but if I didn't want to do it that badly, I would have majored in something else. @_@)

Anyway, that's quite another rant, so I'll leave it there.

Back to the topic of work. . .

so I'm getting tired of being at Brooks, but I'm not currently working enough hours to make and/or save any small amount of money. Even when I've been offered extra shifts lately, I balk. The idea of being there more does not thrill me at all. Not even a little.

But I do need more money. I can barely afford to pay my bills each month, which most of the time are just from gas and food with the occasional book or article of clothing. I NEED more clothes. I can count the wearable items I have (not including underwear) on my hands. Summer and winter clothing, both. My running sneakers are ancient, my non-flip flop pair of sandals are broken, and I could continue. I can't really afford to buy anymore things though. I had to give up on the horse idea totally because I would have had to dish out an extra $400 (approx.) for new gear. That is completely out of the question.

Continuing. . .
I worry that maybe it's my attitude towards work in general. I maybe have said this before, but I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to be stuck in a job I "tolerate" for the rest of my life. No matter what that would be. But since I can't think of any job that I WOULD enjoy and that WOULD pay me enough to live on (and give me health insurance and all that), what's left?

It's not entirely mere laziness or anything, either. Work is a dangerous place for me when it comes to my eating issues. I get stressed out, food's everywhere, private bathrooms. . .*you* add it up. I just can't picture myself working 40 hours a week there, like I used to, partially because I think I would get so much worse.

Living at home adds to my ED-ness too and is generally annoying. Definitely can't afford even a studio apartment though, not unless I shared it with like 10 people so that the rent would only be like $20. Heh.

Well, anyway. I feel a bit of story coming on, so I'm gonna go write about my charcters' lives instead.

Bad Day (Mostly)

but all you're getting is the food log.

egg, soy sausage and rice cheese on a bagel
some mango juice
a Snickers Marathon Protein bar
15 almonds and 15 dried cherries
1/3 of a pint of B&J's Cookie Dough (kind of)
a mini bag of cheetos
a can of tomato soup with veggies, a can of chicken breast, and a spoonful of salsa mixed in

But I suck, so I am in pain, throat and stomach wise. I got dizzy while I was still in the bathroom at work, too.

I give up. Almost.

Tony Awards This Year = Meh

I know I said I wouldn't watch cuz All Shook Up didn't get nominated, but what the hell else was I going to do after work tonight? heh

This year's show was so much worse than last year's. The winners were so predictable and both the performances I saw (Spelling Bee and Spamalot) were just so-so.

The only highlights were appearances by Nathan Lane, Harvey Fierstein, Bernadette Peters, and Norbert Leo Butz's speech. Everything else I saw just wasn't that exciting.

And I am *upset* that Spamalot won Best Musical. Even though I like the song "Find Your Grail" (well, obviously) it was nowhere near as well-performed as I thought it could be. Honestly, almost ANY number from All Shook Up was better than what Spamalot did tonight. I've also heard a lot of good things about the Putnam County 25th Annual Spelling Bee, and I must admit that the premise is original but it seems like a full-length show of it would be annoying. The only show I am slightly MORE interested now is Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I may have to go download some stuff from it. . .

Light in the Piazza won a ton of awards, but having heard some music from it and reading a synopsis of the plot, it doesn't seem like my cup of tea. ::shrug::

And I'm also a tiny bit more intrigued in The Pillowman. A play, not a musical.

Well, that's about it. At least I no longer feel bad about never getting Spamalot tickets. It's funny cuz a lot of people on the Bway boards are saying the same thing. It's definitely not like last year, when half the people were ecstatic cuz Avenue Q had won and the other half were all upset cuz Wicked had lost. At least the better show won THAT year. ;p

All Shook Up CD Review

Alright.

As you should know, Rich and I saw this show on Broadway back in April (see my review back in the April archives that I was not kind enough to link you to, hehe) and I really enjoyed it. It was a very funny, energetic show. I would gladly dish out more $$ to see it again.

Unfortunately, a lot of the humor is missing from the Original Cast Recording and I'm gonna have to say that's a big mark against it. I also think they should have included a little more dialouge to set what is happening in the story. Anybody that listens to the recording without having seen the show (and without reading the story in the little booklet) would really have no idea what was going on, and I think that's pretty important in "getting" a lot of the songs. A big example of this is in "A Little Less Conversation;" in the show, this song is hilarious because Natalie, while dressed up as "Ed" is putting the moves on Chad who doesn't *know* "Ed" is actually a chick and so he's kinda like "?!?!" But if you aren't familiar with the storyline, you wouldn't know that. It's still a good song, but nevertheless, I think you'd really be missing out if you haven't seen the show before hearing the recording.

(Then again, I'm a big fan of shows *I've* never seen-- Gypsy, Weird Romance, and Avenue Q are just a few examples. Most of the plots of said shows are told in the songs' lyrics though, so it works out. Since ASU is made up entirely of Elvis songs, they DO move the plot along, but they don't expressly relate to the show, since they weren't exactly written with a musical in mind. Get what I'm saying?)

I also think it's ashame that Mark Price, as Dennis, gets shortchanged in the recording too. He had one of the funniest roles in the show, but again, you don't really get that just from hearing him.

If it sounds like I'm totally panning it, I'm not. There IS a lot to like about the recording. The cast still sounds incredible, particularly in the big company songs. Even if the humor didn't translate well, the high level of energy is still present. I have probably listened to "Burnin' Love" like 50 times since I bought the CD just cuz it pumps me up, haha. And I must give props to John Jellison, the OTHER person who was in the Original (GOOD) cast of Assassins for completely rocking out during the one solo line he has. I love it, haha.

I suppose I must give a shout out to Jonathan Hadary too, who *was* the reason I saw this show in the first place. He sounds really good on this recording even though this was a much different role (especially song-wise) from any other one he's had before. Honestly, if you listen to Gypsy (his first recording) and this one, you can definitely hear how he has improved. So, yeah. . .good job, Jonathan! heh

The only song that I don't like on the recording is the only one I didn't like in the show either; "(You're the) Devil in Disguise." I thought it was just a tad too hokey, especially the staging of it, and I still don't like it here. It's the only track I will probably never listen to, but that's okay.

So, as I said, my final verdict is that it is good, but not great. At least be familiar with the show before giving it a listen though, and trust me when I say there are much worse ways to spend $17 ::coughcoughAssassinsRevivalCDcoughcough::

Food Log, Too

This should be O_o worthy.

1 soy bratwurst
1 small container of applesauce
2 small York peppermint patties
2 ginger n' creme cookies? sadly, I don't even remember if this was today. . .
some scoops of B&J's Oatmeal Cookie Chunk (I was home alone! And I was good!)
small handful of almonds
a few dried cherries
3 dates
a box of macaroni and cheese made with margarine and skim milk, along with tofu and veggies
a salad with grilled chicken (I was at work! And I was good!)
1 fudge stripe cookie

Okay, fine. But it FELT like I ate alot.
Where's my prize? :p

Warning Entry -- ASU OBCR Review

Yup, I got the CD and of course I have to give my $.02. That's what I do. ^___^

To sum it up VERY briefly, it's a good recording. Not great, certainly not awful. Everyone sounds awesome, but there's a bunch of little things that would make me only give it like 3.5 out of 5 stars.

Expect a hugely long review tomorrow.