Not Sure What to Write, But. . .
Hi.
It's time for downward moodswing #45. This one's pretty bad though. This ranks among some of my worse times, in some but not all aspects.
Work is a hugely bad thing right now. Everything about it. I'm really just tired of *being* at Brooks, I think. I've been dreading going for the past week or so, just because. Too many things have just been grating on me lately. The stupid revamped dress code, for one minor thing. The fact that I'm not even making a living wage (at my present weekly income, I'd only be making about $6,000 per year), and the fact that I'm one of the 20+ year olds I've known that have worked at Brooks and am still *just* a cashier.
But, of course, I am only qualified to work retail jobs, so even if I quit Brooks, I wouldn't probably land a much better job. I hear about people making like $9, $10 an hour and I'm like O_O. That is sooooooo much money. I can't picture myself ever making that much (I'm not being sarcastic).
And what pisses me off about that is that I am a lot smarter than people that make that and much more. Like the dude Rich knows from work who would drink a bottle of NyQuil every night to get to sleep-- and then was like "hmm, I'm having weird side effects" (haha, sorry, Rich. . .had to use that example). And a whole bunch of the tourists we get at Brooks, who are obviously wealthy in some cases and lack any common sense. (Well, it's kinda the same way I feel about people in my college classes that complain about the amount of reading/work/etc. Why are you in college then?! Going to a university was originally done with the intent of gaining more knowledge. . .not to get a piece of paper so you could get said $$$ job. Honestly. . .I really do wonder about people in my history classes that are history majors and complain about having to learn the subject! Wtf? I ENJOY history, and yes the work sucks sometimes, but if I didn't want to do it that badly, I would have majored in something else. @_@)
Anyway, that's quite another rant, so I'll leave it there.
Back to the topic of work. . .
so I'm getting tired of being at Brooks, but I'm not currently working enough hours to make and/or save any small amount of money. Even when I've been offered extra shifts lately, I balk. The idea of being there more does not thrill me at all. Not even a little.
But I do need more money. I can barely afford to pay my bills each month, which most of the time are just from gas and food with the occasional book or article of clothing. I NEED more clothes. I can count the wearable items I have (not including underwear) on my hands. Summer and winter clothing, both. My running sneakers are ancient, my non-flip flop pair of sandals are broken, and I could continue. I can't really afford to buy anymore things though. I had to give up on the horse idea totally because I would have had to dish out an extra $400 (approx.) for new gear. That is completely out of the question.
Continuing. . .
I worry that maybe it's my attitude towards work in general. I maybe have said this before, but I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to be stuck in a job I "tolerate" for the rest of my life. No matter what that would be. But since I can't think of any job that I WOULD enjoy and that WOULD pay me enough to live on (and give me health insurance and all that), what's left?
It's not entirely mere laziness or anything, either. Work is a dangerous place for me when it comes to my eating issues. I get stressed out, food's everywhere, private bathrooms. . .*you* add it up. I just can't picture myself working 40 hours a week there, like I used to, partially because I think I would get so much worse.
Living at home adds to my ED-ness too and is generally annoying. Definitely can't afford even a studio apartment though, not unless I shared it with like 10 people so that the rent would only be like $20. Heh.
Well, anyway. I feel a bit of story coming on, so I'm gonna go write about my charcters' lives instead.
It's time for downward moodswing #45. This one's pretty bad though. This ranks among some of my worse times, in some but not all aspects.
Work is a hugely bad thing right now. Everything about it. I'm really just tired of *being* at Brooks, I think. I've been dreading going for the past week or so, just because. Too many things have just been grating on me lately. The stupid revamped dress code, for one minor thing. The fact that I'm not even making a living wage (at my present weekly income, I'd only be making about $6,000 per year), and the fact that I'm one of the 20+ year olds I've known that have worked at Brooks and am still *just* a cashier.
But, of course, I am only qualified to work retail jobs, so even if I quit Brooks, I wouldn't probably land a much better job. I hear about people making like $9, $10 an hour and I'm like O_O. That is sooooooo much money. I can't picture myself ever making that much (I'm not being sarcastic).
And what pisses me off about that is that I am a lot smarter than people that make that and much more. Like the dude Rich knows from work who would drink a bottle of NyQuil every night to get to sleep-- and then was like "hmm, I'm having weird side effects" (haha, sorry, Rich. . .had to use that example). And a whole bunch of the tourists we get at Brooks, who are obviously wealthy in some cases and lack any common sense. (Well, it's kinda the same way I feel about people in my college classes that complain about the amount of reading/work/etc. Why are you in college then?! Going to a university was originally done with the intent of gaining more knowledge. . .not to get a piece of paper so you could get said $$$ job. Honestly. . .I really do wonder about people in my history classes that are history majors and complain about having to learn the subject! Wtf? I ENJOY history, and yes the work sucks sometimes, but if I didn't want to do it that badly, I would have majored in something else. @_@)
Anyway, that's quite another rant, so I'll leave it there.
Back to the topic of work. . .
so I'm getting tired of being at Brooks, but I'm not currently working enough hours to make and/or save any small amount of money. Even when I've been offered extra shifts lately, I balk. The idea of being there more does not thrill me at all. Not even a little.
But I do need more money. I can barely afford to pay my bills each month, which most of the time are just from gas and food with the occasional book or article of clothing. I NEED more clothes. I can count the wearable items I have (not including underwear) on my hands. Summer and winter clothing, both. My running sneakers are ancient, my non-flip flop pair of sandals are broken, and I could continue. I can't really afford to buy anymore things though. I had to give up on the horse idea totally because I would have had to dish out an extra $400 (approx.) for new gear. That is completely out of the question.
Continuing. . .
I worry that maybe it's my attitude towards work in general. I maybe have said this before, but I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to be stuck in a job I "tolerate" for the rest of my life. No matter what that would be. But since I can't think of any job that I WOULD enjoy and that WOULD pay me enough to live on (and give me health insurance and all that), what's left?
It's not entirely mere laziness or anything, either. Work is a dangerous place for me when it comes to my eating issues. I get stressed out, food's everywhere, private bathrooms. . .*you* add it up. I just can't picture myself working 40 hours a week there, like I used to, partially because I think I would get so much worse.
Living at home adds to my ED-ness too and is generally annoying. Definitely can't afford even a studio apartment though, not unless I shared it with like 10 people so that the rent would only be like $20. Heh.
Well, anyway. I feel a bit of story coming on, so I'm gonna go write about my charcters' lives instead.
posted by Erica at 9:30 PM
1 Comments:
Hey, this is Travis from URI, just followed your blog over here from the facebook. I often say the same thing about people in my history classes that complain about the work, or even say that they hate history. What they hell are they doing in college and majoring in history if they hate it so much? If all they want to learn about is worthless fluff that's forgotten the minute class ends they should sign up for classes over in the business department haha :)
And that sucks about your job paying out poverty wages. Socialist that I am, I'd raise the minimum wage to $11.50 an hour if I were in power (and that's not even high enough really), but I'm not in power and I'd probably get shot for suggesting it!
Ahh, what the hell are we going to do with these history degrees anyway? I'm just going to go on to graduate school and hope something materializes, because I don't know what else to do. I love history, not sure what I'll do with it besides teach, but I'm working on it.
-Travis
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