:*(
Gah, I have spent too much time crying between last night and today.
Nothing has really changed, but.
To make the current "situation" potentially worse, Rich may be heading to Denmark for a year, possibly 2 starting later this year.
It's one thing for us to break up, it's another thing if he's going to be moving to another continent shortly thereafter. :(
Yeah, I know it would not be long term, but still. I'm sure that the end of this year and the beginning of next year are going to be stressful for me. Even if we aren't still together in a couple-type way, I want Rich around. He knows me better than anyone and has already helped me through so many ups and downs over the past few years that. . .I don't know. It's so hard to picture living without him here. :(
I don't want to prevent him from doing what he wants to do. He's worried that going away might contribute to, say, another big-time ED relapse. I can't promise that wouldn't happen. BUT, keep in mind, I have NO IDEA what my life will be like at that point. Especially after I graduate, obviously I will be in RI for awhile, but where will I be working? Living? Hell, there could even be someone else in my life by then, not that that would negate my wanting Rich around in any way. In any case, everything's uncertain. Maybe life will surprise me and maybe things will really come together so that Rich being far away will still be painful, but not devastating. :/
I feel like I've been whining about this a lot, but it's a really tragic thing. Maybe it's hard to understand if you've never been in a similar situation, never had a long term relationship end for a trivial reason. Since this is going to be the *second* time this has happened to me, I must admit it makes me leery of future relationships. It's not that I'm codependent or anything (heh), but I like having someone *there,* that one person that I can be 100% myself around, during good times and not so.
And there is never going to be another Rich. That's the most painful thing to think about. :*(
Ugh, excuse me, more tears.
Rich asked me earlier this evening how I dealt with Nick and I breaking up. The short answer is: I didn't. It was a very different situation. I was upset/sad/angry, sure, but let's not forget that I was also 900 miles from RI. We continued talking on the phone almost every night, so not much changed. It wasn't until I came home for Xmas break that the situation really sunk in, and by then I had so many other issues on my plate (hah), it wasn't even the main thing.
Nick promised that we'd stay best friends afterwards though, and we did remain friends for a long time. . .frequent IMs, calls, and I used to visit him at URI very often. But as time went by, sure enough my life kept moving ahead and although we remained friendly, we had both loosened our grip on each other considerably. Once *I* started going to URI and started dating Rich, it was definitely the beginning of a new phase in my life.
And now, I guess, that phase is ending so another new one can begin. ::sigh::
On a happier note, we did indeed go to Cold Stone Creamery tonight and it was SO GOOD. I got sweet cream ice cream with snickers and reeses pb cups and Rich got the same ice cream with oreos. The portions are ridiculously huge (our mediums were practically a pint!) and well worth the price. There are so many different combinations of ice cream flavors and toppings you could get, you could probably go there every day for several months and never get the same thing twice. Mmmm mmm! hehe (And my dear stomach behaved itself, which was highly surprising. Actually, since my slip-up last week, I've had almost NO reflux or digestive woes. Maybe doing it once in awhile isn't a terrible thing? v_V)
Yeah, so.
ETA: Oh, and I found out that the Sweeney Todd revival is gonna be in the theatre where Good Vibrations used to be, haha. *That's* quite a switch! Too bad this weird version of ST isn't anything I'm interested in seeing. >_<
Nothing has really changed, but.
To make the current "situation" potentially worse, Rich may be heading to Denmark for a year, possibly 2 starting later this year.
It's one thing for us to break up, it's another thing if he's going to be moving to another continent shortly thereafter. :(
Yeah, I know it would not be long term, but still. I'm sure that the end of this year and the beginning of next year are going to be stressful for me. Even if we aren't still together in a couple-type way, I want Rich around. He knows me better than anyone and has already helped me through so many ups and downs over the past few years that. . .I don't know. It's so hard to picture living without him here. :(
I don't want to prevent him from doing what he wants to do. He's worried that going away might contribute to, say, another big-time ED relapse. I can't promise that wouldn't happen. BUT, keep in mind, I have NO IDEA what my life will be like at that point. Especially after I graduate, obviously I will be in RI for awhile, but where will I be working? Living? Hell, there could even be someone else in my life by then, not that that would negate my wanting Rich around in any way. In any case, everything's uncertain. Maybe life will surprise me and maybe things will really come together so that Rich being far away will still be painful, but not devastating. :/
I feel like I've been whining about this a lot, but it's a really tragic thing. Maybe it's hard to understand if you've never been in a similar situation, never had a long term relationship end for a trivial reason. Since this is going to be the *second* time this has happened to me, I must admit it makes me leery of future relationships. It's not that I'm codependent or anything (heh), but I like having someone *there,* that one person that I can be 100% myself around, during good times and not so.
And there is never going to be another Rich. That's the most painful thing to think about. :*(
Ugh, excuse me, more tears.
Rich asked me earlier this evening how I dealt with Nick and I breaking up. The short answer is: I didn't. It was a very different situation. I was upset/sad/angry, sure, but let's not forget that I was also 900 miles from RI. We continued talking on the phone almost every night, so not much changed. It wasn't until I came home for Xmas break that the situation really sunk in, and by then I had so many other issues on my plate (hah), it wasn't even the main thing.
Nick promised that we'd stay best friends afterwards though, and we did remain friends for a long time. . .frequent IMs, calls, and I used to visit him at URI very often. But as time went by, sure enough my life kept moving ahead and although we remained friendly, we had both loosened our grip on each other considerably. Once *I* started going to URI and started dating Rich, it was definitely the beginning of a new phase in my life.
And now, I guess, that phase is ending so another new one can begin. ::sigh::
On a happier note, we did indeed go to Cold Stone Creamery tonight and it was SO GOOD. I got sweet cream ice cream with snickers and reeses pb cups and Rich got the same ice cream with oreos. The portions are ridiculously huge (our mediums were practically a pint!) and well worth the price. There are so many different combinations of ice cream flavors and toppings you could get, you could probably go there every day for several months and never get the same thing twice. Mmmm mmm! hehe (And my dear stomach behaved itself, which was highly surprising. Actually, since my slip-up last week, I've had almost NO reflux or digestive woes. Maybe doing it once in awhile isn't a terrible thing? v_V)
Yeah, so.
ETA: Oh, and I found out that the Sweeney Todd revival is gonna be in the theatre where Good Vibrations used to be, haha. *That's* quite a switch! Too bad this weird version of ST isn't anything I'm interested in seeing. >_<
posted by Erica at 7:52 PM
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