"Are You Feeling Okay?"

So this morning my Mom and I went for a walk. Not too unusual. What was unusual is that we actually talked. This happens like twice a year, so I was bewildered, haha.

At some point, after a lull, she dropped THE question again. I immediately asked "Why has this been such a concern lately? You've asked me this every day!"

She said there was no reason, but again asked if I *was* having any problems with eating or anything else and I said a definitive no. She said she was just making sure, and that she was not thinking so much about "the eating stuff" but about some of the physical problems I was having many months ago (notably, dizziness and a persistant pain/pressure in my right side). I said that that was fine now too and then that was it. End of topic.

My Mom can be very weird when approaching tough subjects, but I *do* think she cares and because she really does just want to make sure I'm alright. I find it slightly annoying (the daily questioning) but I guess it's the only thing she feels she can do. Like I've said many times, my parents and I do not generally talk about anything, nevermind my issues. We have only talked frankly about my ED twice. . .the other things I've been through, not at all. It's not a very comfortable situation for any of us, understandably.

I'm not sure if they feel as though they have failed me somehow. Certainly they questioned *why* I was resorting to self-destructive behaviors but I couldnt give them a straight answer. Even nowadays, it's hard to say why I have done/continue to do these things. There's no easy, clear cut answer.

They DID put a lot of pressure on me to know exactly what I was doing major/career-wise once I got to college. I spent my first years of college bouncing around from major to major (and even transferring to a different, more specialized school) because of this, once my original plans fell through. I felt like I couldn't ask to take some time off and figure things out without looking like a total failure in their eyes. But I don't think that's completely their fault. I *could* have said something.

I thought I had more to write on this subject, but I guess I don't.

I'm sad because I bought one of those dancing things from Newbury Comics tonight and it's not moving! v_v Hopefully we have the batteries I need at Brooks cuz I think the ones it came with are very near dead (it *will* dance when I push the button, but not at all otherwise). If not, I'm taking the guy back and I'll get one of the sunshine buddies instead. :p

And Matt, if you have not read this since the Boston entries, good luck with catching up (haha). Hope the move is going/has gone well!