Yikes

Don't worry about yesterday's entry. Here's what happened today.

So I went to Goddard Park for my usual walk. I neared the end and was walking back to my car, down that little stretch of sand between the horse area and the sandy/water/boat area where my car was. Anyway, there was what sounded like a kid screaming in the woods up ahead. Well, whatever. . .that's what kids do. For a second it really sounded like a genuine *scream* though, and it certainly made me wonder what was going on. Well, next thing I know, I see a horse *galloping* down the hill, out of the woods,and heading straight for the path where I was standing. O_o I jumped over the little fence so I wouldn't get trampled as the chestnut horse got closer. My first thought was that someone had fallen off or gotten hurt during a trail ride (I had seen a bunch of people riding in the woods earlier, on the Goddard Park horses) and so someone had been sent back to get help. This had happened a few times when I used to be at Tower Hill with my horse. But as the horse ran by, I noticed that the person on top was just a little girl and she was holding on for dear life. *She* had been the one screaming! Before I could even react, a riderless horse went running by and I saw several more horses coming out of the woods. . .two riderless and one with a Hispanic guy who, again, I thought might have been with the barn.

Once the coast seemed clear, I decided to go walk down the trail to see if anyone was hurt or whatnot. Obviously something very not cool had happened and my heart was beating fast just from being nearby. I walked up the hill aways and ran into two short Hispanic guys who asked me if I had seen some horses. . .I said that I had and pointed in the direction they had run off in, but that didn't seem to be what they were trying to ask me and after seeming like they were trying to think how else to word their question (didn't seem like they spoke English very well) they just nodded and said thanks. I kept walking. A little further ahead was a little boy with a riding helmet on and two adults walking on either side. He seemed okay and I was still a little rattled and confused to what had happened, so I didn't ask if they needed help or anything.

I turned around to head back towards my car and heard *more* hoofbeats coming back *up* the hill this time. It was the Hispanic guy that had galloped by before and the blonde lady that runs the farm, on the chestnut horse that had run away with the girl. She saw me and called out "Is anyone hurt up ahead?!" and I told her no, I saw a little boy and some adults who all looked fine. But they rode on and I continued back to my car.

I sat in my car for a few minutes just kinda like ". . ." A few seconds later the lady and the chestnut came back down the hill, and even she seemed to be having a very difficult time controlling the horse. When they were safely out of the way I started up my car and then headed home.

There could be any number of reasons for what happened. My first thought, besides the whole "someone needs help" thing, was that trail horses often learn the route so well that they get excited when they're turned towards home. When I saw the riderless horses though, I pretty much figured that wasn't the case, or maybe not entirely. Although the little girl couldn't have been more than 8 years old, the chestnut they had put her on was a pretty big mount for someone her size-- it was not a pony by any means. It's also possible that one of the horses got frightened by something which could have set off a chain reaction since they *are* very much herd animals. In any case, it's hard for anyone to stop a running, frightened horse, nevermind a tiny girl on a full sized animal.

I'm also not sure who the other two riders had been-- either the two Hispanic men or the two adults with the little boy. Not that it makes a difference, but I was just wondering.

I don't know. It doesn't sound upsetting just reading it here, but I really felt as though I should have done more. I was pretty shaken up myself though, and I just hope that no one really *was* hurt. And I feel bad too cuz I bet the two little kids aren't going to want to get on a horse again for a real long time. :( Having a horse run away with you is probably one of the scariest things ever just because you honestly lose all control. It would be like driving on the highway and suddenly losing control of the steering wheel and the brakes all at once. . .while the gas pedal keeps accelerating. And there are just so many bad things that *could* have happened, like the horse stumbling and flipping over from running down the sandy/rocky hill, or running into a car (if one happened to be turning into the parking area at just the wrong moment), etc. Oi. ._.

I also hope that this was not caused by stupidity. I noticed that the barn that hosts the trail rides are also into gymkhana-- ie. barrel racing, pole racing and other SPEED EVENTS. I would HOPE that they do not use the same horses for trail riding *and* those types of activities. I've watched gymkhanas before, and those horses are usually able to go from a halt to a full out gallop within seconds. So again, I really hope the chestnut was just frightened by something, and that they wouldn't be stupid enough to put a kid on a fricken' speed event horse. But the way peope are these days, you never know. v_v

On another horse related note, the lady I know who was looking for barn help DID call. It was the other day, while I was out unfortunately. She ended up talking to my Mom though and told her the situation. Apparently her husband left her suddenly and it really decimated her and her daughter and I guess that taking care of their horses and riding have been the last thing on their minds. It's not right for me to get into specifics here online, but anyhow. She did hire someone else, but I guess she isn't entirely happy with her. SooooOooOo, there is a chance I will still get the opportunity if the current girl doesn't work out. In the meantime, I still plan on trying to get a working student/riding lesson thing going. I just need to find $400 laying around so I can buy all the stuff I need. :p

Great Big Barfy Cow

That's what I feel like tonight.

Don't have enough time to get into it cuz there's lightning outside and I *do* live on the highest point in NK.

I feel swollen from the neck up. And very blank.

I don't know. Work is a huge trigger. I know I said I'm staying at Brooks for now, but I wonder if it would be this bad elsewhere. Namely, some place without easy access to Ben and Jerry's. ;0

Yuck. I'm gonna go get a big glass of water and maybe finish that Roscoe Conkling book tonight. I have to work again tomorrow and I don't know what I'm going to do yet.

Maybe I Shouldn't Have Done That

I just dropped my summer class.

Heh.

Not for anything, but I could tell, just from the first class and today, that I was probably not going to do well. Mostly because of the professor. She seemed knowledgeable, but very unorganized and unclear. For example, we had that library assignment due today. Unlike some of the other future assignments, she did not ask for it to be written, and did not ask for any particular set-up. Well, when she went to collect them today, she took a look at the first few people's papers and was like "What is this?!" Not only did she expect them typed, but she expected correct Rampolla-based bibliographical info for each item! SHE NEVER SAID THAT, not in class, not on the syllabus. Also today, we were supposed to cover "Medieval Life," but we talked about the Vikings instead. And went over random vocab words from Revelations in the Bible. Interesting, but. . .?

There were more things too. Basically, by the end of the class tonight, I decided I wanted to drop-- BUT, only if I could get into HIS 340 in the Fall. One of my favorite professors from past semesters is teaching it, so I already know how the class will be run and I already know that she's good. For once the fates smiled upon me and there was ONE spot open, so I snagged it. :D So now my Fall will be:

MW
US Hist from 1917-1941. . .5-6:15 (sucky time, but eh)
TR
Recent European Phil. . .2-3:15

Hopefully the professor for philosophy will be good. I checked up on him at RateMyProfessors.com and he had a good rating. . .but so did the lady whose class I just dropped. Maybe she *is* good during the regular school year, but eh, I don't know.

We'll see what happens!

Bits

I had to get rid of one of mine last time I went through my tack. The mouthpiece was kinda green. Not moldy, but discolored nevertheless. I think I still have one loose ring snaffle and one full cheek snaffle. Not like I really need a bit right now anyway. :p

Yay, I have another reader! I think that makes four, haha. ;)

Now the randomness:

I had a chocolate frosted coffee roll from Dunkin Donuts this morning and it wasn't good. The outside was a little too brown, the inside was a little doughy, and a big glob of frosting fell onto my expensive jeans! >:( I think my jeans will be fine, but it was still a disappointing way to start the day. I should have just stuck to my usual double chocolate donut.

Otherwise, the only other thing I've eaten today was a can of Healthy Choice gumbo for lunch. It was good, but my stomach didn't want it and so I've been fighting reflux. So far, Me-1 vs. Esophagus/Stomach-1.

I exercised too. Upper body with weights and Pilates and ballet and stretching for my legs. My abs can have a break today, but that section's the least of my worries anyway. :p

I had to do this stupid little assignment for my summer class which I THOUGHT would be easy, but it wasn't! All I had to do was find, on any medieval topic (I chose the Black Plague): a book at URI on HELIN, a book at another school on HELIN, a book from any other library NOT on HELIN, and similarly for a scholarly journal article. You would think, after having done my thesis and all, that this would be simple. Well maybe it was just my chosen topic, but I had the hardest time finding articles! I'm not even sure how I eventually came across some, so hopefully she won't ask, haha. I actually tried searching for "The Crusades" instead, but that was just as impossible. I'm wondering if there may have been something weird with the database though, cuz I KNOW there are anarchy articles and when I tried looking THAT up, I got 0 results. Okay, sure.

That's all for now. I'm gonna go take care of my laundry, practice bass, and repaint my nails. I'm thinking the All Shook Up pink with metallic silver tips. :D

Few more things

yeah, I forgot.

Have stuff you want to get rid of? I do! Some of us should pool our resources and maybe get a table at the EG Flea Market or something. Could be fun.

Hey Rich, if you read this before I talk to you, we have a party next Saturday. Liz is having a shindig at Dave & Buster's for her 21st. Nicole and her boyfriend will be there, so we'll have some people to talk to and play games with or whatever. I promised Liz we'd go, so don't go running home next weekend. :p ;)

And I don't know how I forgot this one: One of my managers told me I looked thinner today than I did the last time she saw me, ie. last week. She said it was noticeable in my legs. Although I'm not sure how I feel about her checking out my legs regularly, I must say that's like the best compliment ever. Must. . . keep. . .working. . .out. hehehe

Okay, I'm really done now. Bye!

Asshole of the Year Award! and more

oh my god, I am not even kidding. We had the RUDEST customer come into Brooks tonight. Honestly the worst customer I have ever seen and after being at Brooks for like 5 years now, I've seen a lot of awful people. But no one was as blatantly asshole-ish as this guy was.

See, we have this rule that everyone-- EVERYONE-- that buys cigarettes must be carded. Yes, it's a pain in the ass, especially when the person in question is obviously over 18, but it's company policy and we can be fired on the spot for not complying (damn the mystery shoppers, hehe).

As you can imagine, about 98% of our rude customers get in a huff over this very issue. You'd be surprised how many people don't have an ID on them. And as I said, if we can't see something official with your birthdate, you can't get cigarettes. Yes, it's a small annoyance, but I don't see what the HUGE deal is. ::shrug::

Anyway, I was busy facing the toy aisle when I heard some guy talking loudly up at the registers. I decided to go up and see what was going on. Some dude, despite a lot of other customers being in line was going completely insane because Todd wouldn't let him buy cigarettes since he didn't have an ID. I mean he was swearing and getting all up in Todd's face and yelling and shite. It was so bad that even the customers behind him in line started talking back to him. One person, a regular customer, was like "There ARE signs posted everywhere saying that it's policy," to which Mr. Asshat replied "You know what? BLOW ME." Then he was like "If you're telling me there's no fucking difference between me and a fucking fifteen year old--" and so a different customer interrupted and was like "Excuse me, there are *children* right here." And there *were,* like real young too, but the guy so politely responded with "Fuck the children!" Well, let me tell you, it's a good thing he got his ass out the door right after that cuz I was going to go get Lora and chances are she would have called the cops on his ass. Seriously. I can't quite express how ridiculous he was being. Like I said, I've seen a lot of terrible customers over the years, but this man was something else. I don't even understand how people can BE like that. Ugh. Makes me want to vomit. v_v

The rest of the day was actually pretty good. I got my schedule for the summer all set up. It's a lot of afternoons, unfortunately, but it was either that or nothing on some days.
Monday, 1-9
Tuesday, free for now, but 3-9 after my class ends
Wednesday, 3-9
Thursday, OFF
Friday, 1-9
Saturday, OFF
Sunday, 1-9

I have to come in this Friday, too, cuz they needed someone and I *did* miss both Sunday and Tuesday this week. I might just go in 3-9 though. A long as I'm there for some of the afternoon.

I think it's funny that they re-posted the "dress code" again. I remember the last time they did this cuz I was all pissed off that we "had to wear" khakis cuz I didn't own any and didn't want to buy any, haha. I paid very close attention to the wording this time though. 1) The only rule about hair is that it is neat and combed. There is NOTHING about hair color having to be "natural" so I better not hear it if I dye my streaks purple. 2) Khaki/beige is the PREFERRED pants color. . .so as far as I'm concerned, my black pinstriped pants are just fine. :p And nothing else was worth nothing, but I thought those two points were interesting. I've never gotten beef for anything I'm done or worn in the past though, so I'm not about to start worrying now.

Did I ever talk about my friend Jen's graduation party? I don't think I did. It was last Friday and Rich and I went. It was a good, low-key time. Exactly the type of get-together I prefer. It was just her family, her best friend, her boyfriend, and Rich and I. We ate, and we chatted, and hopefully we will be able to get together during the summer. You know that's the one thing I hate about college-- how easy it is to lose touch with people. There have been so many people, even just from my few years at URI, that I have been pretty friendly with but just never heard from again once the new semester started. I just find it kinda depressing. And you also know how weird I get about contacting people once I haven't talked to them in awhile, since I don't like seeming all stalkerish.

On a similar note, I wonder if anyone from the Facebook reads this. I mean, I know a few people on there, and I'm sure others have come across my profile but yikes. Well, you know I'm never one for censoring. If someone's gonna know me, they might as well know the real me and I pretty much talk about it all in here. On the other hand, it might explain *why* people get scared, haha. O_o

I Love Grendel

Yeah, so my summer class started yesterday. I think it'll be okay. It's Medieval History, so I'm a little out of my element, and I wasn't sure if the professor was joking when she askd some other people in the class "Why would you start out learning about Medieval history in a 300 level class?" O_o

I actually did take med. hist back in Tennessee with this rather um, interesting professor. Stratikis. Leo. Hahaha. He meant well. ^__^ Needless to say, I've spent so many classes just dealing with American history that any knowledge I may have obtained about the middle ages has been destroyed. Still, that's alright. We're not even having any tests, we just have short papers due every Thursday; one compares Beowulf to the movie The 13th Warrior and for the others we just have to answer questions from our textbook. Shouldn't be hard.

I'm scared to look at my grades from last semester. I didn't *bomb* either exam, but I didn't exactly rock them. Hm. ._.

I guess things are going alright, otherwise. My mood plummetted the other day, obviously, but that's what I do. :p I think the weather really effects me cuz I love spending time outside, which I can't really do when it's so gross out.

Anyway, gotta get ready for work. My manager didn't sound happy yesterday when I called out cuz of my switched summer class time. Well, hopefully I won't need to ask for any random days off for awhile.

Later.

:[today]

Yes, I wish I could eat "today" just to get rid of it.

My summer course isn't cancelled yet but I'm still checking up until the time I leave tomorrow. I'm definitely going to harrass the people at the Dean's Office again to MAKE SURE there is nothing else I need to take. I absolutely do not trust them, even a bit. But don't even get me started on URI at all because I really kinda wish I hadn't left UT.

I never got the call about the horse thing.

Did you now that New England is the only part of the country getting this kind of weather? Most states are having a heat wave right now. v_v

I am still the only 20 something I know that's unwillingly stuck living at home.

Grrr.

ED-ish Talk; Feel Free to Ignore

I used to write about this stuff in my LB diary but since I rarely, rarely visit that board anymore, I don't have it as an option. So, I gotta write about it here and you don't have to read it if you don't want to.

I am just increasingly frustrated with myself; on the other hand, I still think I have made a mountain out of a molehill. Even after all the digestive weirdnesses I've been having, even after everything else I've gone through probably in some way related to ED-ness, it's still in my mind that it's not that bad overall.

I think it's been over a week since I last purged, but my mind has been after me every single day. I had to be out of the house a few days ago cuz people were looking at it, and though I refuse to buy stuff there, I just went to Wal*Mart to look around. After perusing the makeup and and fish and other random sectons I went to the food and ho-ly, I wanted it all. But it's like, I don't just want it to *eat,* I want it to b/p on. It's a different feeling, but I can't quite explain it in words. Then at work the other day, same thing. I always put away the candy on delivery day, but that's alright since I never b/p on it. The chip section though. . .ggaaaahhh ::drool:: And we have so many good kinds of ice cream, not just B&J's, but King Cones and the Butterfinger bars and so much more. It's horrible; half the time I spend facing, I spend daydreaming about what I could possibly b/p on, even if I don't do it. No wonder why work is such a "dangerous" place! :
I guess I've always been more ED'd in thought than in action. Even today, I went to Sophie's on my way to exchange my books and got a heavenly frosted brownie and a nonfat latte. No problem with that. But over the past hour or so I've been "coming down" from the Espresso and I must admit it's the same kind of feeling as when you haven't eaten for awhile and you get all light-feeling and shaky. And so my mind is like "don't eat lunch; wait til tonight." Of course I DO plan on eating lunch but it's so vexing to have to feel this way. All. The. Time.

And you know, it's so hard to escape it, especially online. I don't hang around ED boards too much anymore, but I lurk at some Broadway ones, a few for Green Day fans, a pagan board and some other random ones. At any given time at LEAST one of them will have an ED thread. Always. So you may say, "Well, just don't read them," but come on. And then, based on reading those types of threads, it seems like everyone in the WORLD has an ED, *had* an ED, or knows someone who does. It's depressing. And it makes it feel like it's more normal to be weird about food than to not care. I guess I'm more easily triggered than I thought.

I do sometimes wonder if it'll ever really be "over." I'm starting to doubt that it's possible to recover 100%, which *I* believe means being normal in behavior and with one's thoughts and attitudes.

Well, anyway. It's just about time to wash the bleach out of my hair and then eat lunch. On a brighter note, Rich and I are going to a small get together at my friend Jen's house in Burrilville (sp?) tonight. She's one of the lucky people that URI actually let graduate (remind me to recap the summer class situation later). :p Then tomorrow is Rich's brother's graduation from JWU and it seems I've been included in the group that's going. . .at least for the lunch part of it, haha. Sunday I took off from work with the intention of going to URI's graduation, but it's not supposed to be a nice day and it's doubtful that I will. There's also a horse show in Foster that I may spend some time at instead. Horses or boring graduation ceremony? Even if I *was* set to graduate now, I think I'd choose the former, hehe.

Okay, I'm out.

O_o

Today has been bad and now it's maybe turned good. I don't know.

It started off alright. I went to URI and got my books for Ancient Philosophy-- only about $20. Looks like we'll be concentrating on Plato and Aristotle's works. I've already been flipping through them and they look interesting. :p

Anyway, you may know that I've been planning to go for a trail ride at Goddard Park. Originally I had planned on doing it today, but then I heard it was supposed to rain so I decided not to. Sure enough, I woke up this morning and it was perfectly sunny out. Cloudy, yes, but sunny. So, I decided I'd wait til after lunch and then see how it was and maybe I would still go afterall.

1 o'clock rolled around and I decided to go. I put some older jeans on, grabbed my riding helmet, now all I needed were my stable boots. Last time I knew, they were in the laundry room, behind the hamper. I went downstairs to get them. . .but they weren't there.

Hm. So I went back upstairs and looked all around my room. Nope. Checked the closets upstairs. Still no. Started digging through closets downstairs, still wasn't seeing them.

My Mom noticed my searching and asked what I was looking for so I told her. She started looking in all the places I already checked (sounds a lot like the ASU ticket fiasco, eh?) and of course, she didn't see them either.

Until.

"You know what, I think I might have put them in the garage," she said.

I blinked.

We went in the garage and looked around, but no boots were to be found. Since my Dad was in there, he asked what we were looking for. When we told him about my boots, he was like "Oh, those probably got thrown out. I figured you didn't want them anymore since they were out here."

So THEN I was like "Why would you put them in the garage in the first place!?" to my Mom, since, well, why would she have? They were dirty, yes, but they were STABLE BOOTS. Stables aren't pristine places. Of course my Mom just gave some flip answer like "I didn't think you were using them anymore."

Grrr. WTF-ness.

Well, I was totally not in the mood for riding anymore, but I did still have to go to the bank. I just put some sneakers on and decided that I'd go anyway if I felt like it after the bank. But of course I then forgot my helmet and didn't realize it til I was at the market. That basically sealed my decision to just go look around Allie's instead and then go home.

Looked around Allie's for a few minutes and then decided to check out the bulletin boards like I always do. One ad caught my eye. A small, private barn is looking for someone to feed and turn out their three horses every morning. That's not too unusual. What I noticed was that the person to ask for is "Sharon." I took down the AOL addy that was on the paper and decided to look up the member profile once I got home.

I did. The girl's name in the profile is Lilly.

I know these people. Sharon is the Mom and Lilly is her daughter, who was quite young at the time, and they also rode and kept horses at Faith Hill Farm. Sharon was one of the few people myself and my parents could actually stand at the barn, in fact my Mom still chats with her occasionally when they run into one another at the market.

I am tempted to call and be like "Hi, remember me?" She thought I was a good person back in the day, probably the only teenaged girl around FHF that wasn't a total twit and actually went to the barn to ride, not to socialize.

The only thing stopping me is that they need someone to work mornings, at like 7:30 am and although I would gladly get up that early to do horse chores, my morning class kinda prevents that. I don't know how close they live to URI, but I somehow don't think I'd have enough time to go take care of three horses and get to school in like a half hour. Dammit.

I think I'm gonna go back and get their phone number from the ad tomorrow and see if it matches the one my Mom has. Maybe we could work something out. It would almost make up for my perfectly good boots getting trashed. :p

I've Done This Elsewhere, BUT. . .

Blatantly stolen from Matt ^___^

Choose a band and answer only in song TITLES: Green Day!

Are you male or female:: She
Describe yourself:: Desensitized
How do some people feel about you:: Strangeland
How do you feel about yourself:: She's A Rebel (a little bit, haha)
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: Chump [most current ex only :p]
Describe your current [s.o.]:: The One I Want ^__^
Describe where you want to be:: Going to Pasalacqua
Describe what you want to be:: Having a Blast
Describe how you live:: Waiting
Describe how you love:: Blood, Sex, and Booze ;)
Share a few words of wisdom:: Nobody Likes You ;p

Every Day

should be like today. :p

Not that anything *really* special happened, but besides almost rear-ending some asshole that pulled out in front of me, it was good.

Went to Whole Foods and spent a little too much money, but I also got a lot of good stuff. This included some baklava which is THE best baklava I've had anywhere. I still have a piece left, but I don't think it's going to last too much longer, hehe.

Then I went walking in Goddard Park cuz it was a little too cool to throw shorts on and go running (and unfortunately I have no workout *pants*). That was fine. I went home, cleaned up my room cuz we had to show the house today and then read more of the biography of Roscoe Conkling I got from the library. It's so good; I love mid-19th century politics. :p

After the people left, I made dinner for my Mom and I (cuz my Dad is working nights, I guess): thin rice noodles with stir fried asparagus, spinach, green beans, tomatoes, and soyrizo with sesame oil, soy sauce, ginger, and sesame seeds. It came out pretty well, though I wish I had had fresh ginger instead of powdered and I meant to add red pepper flakes but forgot.

Finally, we watched The Assassination of Richard Nixon and wow. You know I'm picky about assassin related stuff and movies in general, but I thought this was the best thing I've seen all year. Sure, they left out some stuff Byck did (like picketing as Santa Claus outside the White House) and glossed over other bits, but I thought that, as a whole, it was really effective. It was also really sad :(, either that or I just sympathize with assassins too much, heh.* So yeah, I would recommend seeing that.

And now I've just been sitting around listening to Assassins, cuz that's what I do. ^__^






*Well, that might not be entirely true. After reading Dark Horse, on Garfield's election and short term as president, I've lost some of the love for Guiteau. Sure, I still find him interesting, but I actually DON'T sympathize with him as much as I used to. Learning about what the political climate was actually like in 1880 just makes it really clear how delusional Guiteau was. I do still sympathize with Czolgosz though, and after watching the movie tonight, I think there are a lot of similarities between why Czol shot McKinley and Byck tried to take down Nixon. Fascinating.

And Czolgosz was not an anarchist. :p

Pain -- a little TMI-ish

So here's what I've eaten today (important to rest of entry):
a chocolate frosted coffee roll from DD
2 pull n peel Twizzlers
mixed veggies with red beans, salsa, some pepper jack cheese and some white rice
an apple with low fat peanut butter
a wheat bagel, plain
3 clam cakes and a cup of red chowder from Aunt Carrie's

I am in SO MUCH PAIN right now. My abdomen-- back, front, sides-- hurts. And is bloated. And I don't think it's gas and I am not constipated. :p

I was absolutely fine for most of today. You see, I went through some abdominal misbehavior earlier in the week, but I attributed it to being that "special" time of the month reaking havoc on my digestion or something. So I cut out "bad" foods for a day and the next day I was fine, so I went back to eating how I normally do.

Anyway, today. So I was fine when I had the donut, the Twizzlers, the mixed thing, and the apple. At 3pm, I had the bagel as a snack, to tide me over until we went out to eat. I started feeling bloated and a little nauseous by 4. By the time we went out at 5:15ish, I was definitely not feeling right, but I took some Pepto Bismol and went anyway. Didn't eat nearly as much as I normally would have. As expected, things only got worse after dinner. I wasn't refluxy, but I was kinda burpy and it wasn't cool. Then I went to Barnes and Noble tonight at like 7ish and it was hard to even walk thanks to being so bloated and just having pain everywhere.

I don't know what the culprit was. Have I become lactose intolerant? I did have quite a bit of cheese. Is it from all the fatty food I had? Could it have been the wheat in the bagel?? Basically, I have no idea. I actually dragged myself around the market and bought some easy to digest foods for the next few days. If I get *another* incident like this in the near future though, I may have to see the doctor. It's too painful and annoying to have this happen every couple of days. :(

Well, I'm off to read my Roscoe Conkling book cuz laying around is all I can really do right now.

One Down

Holocaust exam is over.

I did okay. Not great, not awful. Of course, I thought of more stuff I should have put in my essay as I was driving home, but you know my policy on exams? Once I turn it in, it's out of my hands, no point in worrying over it.

At least I got an A on my paper, cuz that's the only other "real" grade we have in that class. He's also taking our attendance and participation into consideration. I only missed three classes, so that's not bad but admittedly I never spoke in class. Raised my hand a few times, but he usually looked the other way, heh. I do pay close attention in class though, and I've had professors tell me before that they can tell I'm following what they're saying instead of just sitting there doodling or whatnot. So maybe that'll count for something. ~_~

So anyway, I'm about to study for my 9am RI history exam. I'm gonna go early, probably for 8, cuz I'm willing to bet other people are going to get there early. There's not a lot of info, *definitely* not as much as the Holocaust exam, but it's so random. There are no clear cut subjects to study, it's all just random facts and people. Gah. I've complained about this before, but it's very troubling. :p I wish that Jen and I could have studied sometime, but she's always busy with work and I don't know anyone else well enough in the class. I studied before the Holocaust exam with a guy from both my classes, but he's taking the RI exam Monday, so we just concentrated on Holo stuff. I think he agreed that Dr. Molloy was subpar during the second half of the semester, which is disappointing. I like hearing his "real life stories" but obviously it's not so helpful come exam time. Hmm.

Okay, that's it. I'm shutting my computer off so I can't be tempted.

Later!

No Stress, Right?

Stupid exams. >:p

I'm fairly prepared for my Holocaust one cuz I started studying it a little last week. My RI History one though. . .I did a little the other night, but otherwise I'm hopeless. Jen and I have been discussing this at length, cuz there is NO continuity to our notes from the 2nd half of the semester. The only "subject" Dr. Molloy covered were immigrant groups. Otherwise, it's all a bunch of random facts about random politicians and I have no freaking clue what he could possibly ask for an essay question. None (unless it's about immigrants, of course).

Anyway, going to study with people from the Holocaust class shortly. I'll have to study RI Hist tonight and then tomorrow during the day. I'm not really doing anything else until the exam (at 7pm) though I may go for a run in the morning.

Can't wait for these exams to be over. Blah.

Won't Be Watching the Tonys THIS Year

Yeah, I'm very surprised and disappointed.

All Shook Up didn't receive ANY nominations! ._.

The only other musicals this season that didn't get a nod were Good Vibrations (utter crap, and it already closed), Brooklyn (has been at like 40% attendance for many weeks now. . .), and Dracula (closed a LONG time ago, and it too was supposedly awful). Little Women, which is also fairly hated, at least managed to get one nomination.

Now granted, this was a tough season. It came as no surprise that Spamalot got approx. 356 nominations in every conceivable category, and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and the Putnam County 25th Annual Spelling Bee also proved to be popular.

One reason that *I* figured ASU was shut out was also hypothesized in an article on Variety.com: The Tony committee decided to use it as an "example" for the other jukebox musicals due out soon, that it's not the way to go. Zero Tony nominations COULD be the kiss of death for a show. *However,* ASU's attendance has been pretty good (in the 70% range) and most people that have seen it have really enjoyed it. Also, the show and its actors have gotten nominations for other, non-Tony awards, so it's not as though it's been totally overlooked.

So yeah, if I'm not home to watch the Tonys this year, I'm not taping it this time. Last year was pretty exciting, with Wicked and Avenue Q battling it out, not to mention Assassins (I didn't know it sucked at the time, haha), Caroline, Or Change and a bunch of other interesting performances/nominees/whatever. So, we'll see what happens. I think the show is in a month or so.

And that's all I have for now.

I just tried to ford the river. . .

. . . but my damn oxen died.

Yeah, I was poking around on thefacebook.com. I love that club name. :p

I do not love my digestive system, however, cuz it's being a bitch. Last night I had awful Chinese food reflux SEVEN HOURS after eating and now I'm still wrestling with soup that I ate three hours ago. And people wonder why I eat Pepto Bismol like candy. . .

Well, rather than complaining for my entire entry (which you know I love to do :D) I'm gonna talk about some music I've been listening to lately.

My techno love has only been further solidified by The Chemical Brothers' latest, Push the Button. Some people complained that the hip-hop element was too prevalent, but I don't think so. Only one track was "bad" and cuz I was an evil criminal and downloaded it, I just left it off my copy of the CD. :p Otherwise, I love it. It's good music to run to, though we'll see if THAT ever happens again.

I also recently downloaded a bunch of songs by the Dresden Dolls and the Network. DD are just a guy and girl on a piano and drums but they create some very interesting music. I recommend "Bad Habit," "Bank of Boston Beauty Queen," and "Girl Anachronism." You know, every time I write that word, I type "anarchism" first. v_v hehe
The Network is actually Green Day, but in costume, with distorted voices, and singing about random, sometimes sci fi related stuff. I guess. I've only heard a few of their songs, but I like them. And you can totally tell it's Billie Joe singing, especially on some of the tracks.

The Spamalot cast recording came out last week, but the cheapest I've found it anywhere is $16.99. Spamalot = the stage version of Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail and it's basically one of the hottest shows on Bway right now. Impossible to get tickets for, in fact I think it's sold out through the summer. Yeah, that's crazy. All I wanted to do was buy the CD but my damn wallet died. That's more like it, hehe.

But I WILL buy the All Shook Up recording when it comes out on May 31st. Then my JHad collection will officially be complete. ^___^

Oh, and I also forgot to mention that I recently got Beck's CD Midnite Vultures (no, not the latest one). It's also really good except for one wtf-ish rap-invaded track. And there's one that I REALLY like towards the end, but it skips the whole way through, basically, so I'm gonna have to download it and put it on my next mix. That's what you get for buying a cheap used CD, I guess.

Well, I'm gonna go. . .do something now. I don't know what. I just need to get away from the computer.

FUCKING COLD

It's seriously only like 50 degrees in my house. My parents turned the heat off back when we had those 70 degree days, and that would have made sense if we CONTINUED getting nice weather. It's seriously colder in here than it is outside. So ridiculous. I can't even move outside the range of my space heater for more than a few minutes before I come crawling back. It might not even be 50 degrees in my house. I don't know.

Stupid rain. I came up with a nice little exercise program for myself but I have no where to DO it if I can't go outside. I mean, weight stuff and stretching is fine, but I need to get in cardio which I can't very well do indoors. So that's frustrating. >: (

I have already eaten:
a wheat bagel with cream cheese and honey
almond butter and jelly on wheat*
handful of almonds*
5 dates*
2 soy sausage patties (small)*
2 Nutter Butters*
1 Hershey's nugget*
six very small sushi rolls (brown rice, salmon, cucumber)

And we're going out for Chinese food tonight. Then that's it.

All items marked by a * were part of my unhappy "I'm fucking cold and I'm tired of being cold and I need to study but I can't concentrate because it's TOO COLD" binge.

Oh a small good note, I bought a new thing of nailpolish today (one of the All Shook Up colors!) and 12 new colorful jelly bracelets.

Well, I really NEED to go over Holocaust stuff, so I have to go. I don't CARE if it's May, this is Rhode Island and we don't typically warm up until JUNE. >: (

Sheep and Spam

Hmph.

Too much to get into today, nothing bad I guess.

Walked by the horses in Goddard Park today and thought that it would be cool to run a trail riding barn. But then I considered all the $$ and trouble that would be and *then* I spent the rest of my walk thinking about some of the horses from back in the day like Spam (hence title) and Donovan and Gemini. I'm feeling less motivated on the going to Kentucky idea and I'm also said cuz I definitely don't have money for riding lessons. Like, at all. So I'm just trying not to think of anything horse related. :p

Then I went to Barnes and Noble tonight (I wanted a slice of cheesecake from Starbucks-- my reward for studying all day!) and found a great book about raising a small flock of sheep. I know I've always said sheep are kinda annoying and smelly, but I think having a few someday would be fun. *Then* I started thinking that I would like to live on a small farm someday and be one of those cool people that makes their own products and sells them at farmer's markets, haha. Of course, I have no idea how I would afford said farm but that is quite besides the point.

Of course, my whole "wanting to live on a farm" scenario doesn't mesh well with the idea that I wish I could stay close to NYC because I apparently love it there after only going once. But I still don't want to live anyplace where it snows a lot (otherwise, western New York would be a possibility).

These are some of those stupid paradoxical situations I get caught up on from time to time. I wish I were a boring person with no interests. :p

And cuz I had coffee with my cheesecake earlier tonight, I am so not tired, but my eyes hurt from having been at the computer too long. I've been working on a piece of story though, but I really can't keep looking at the screen. I've even taken breaks, but it hasn't helped. So I'm gonna have to work on it manually, and that sucks cuz I can't write as fast as I type and it stalls my progress.

Well anyway. Talk to you all later.

It Won't Win, Though

Back to Day 1.

I love 7 Moons, and I loved the dish I had yesterday, but I shouldn't have eaten the whole thing. I thought I was alright when we were getting ready to leave, but I was a litle too full for comfort. I did legitimately want to use the bathroom in Borders for peeing purposes, but I had the bathroom all to myself and so. . .

But I triumphed today. :p

Ate a little container of applesauce and a bagel with lf peanut butter for breakfast. Then I had a can of ff veggie soup with chick peas for lunch. And 3 fudge stripe cookies.

Went to work, and I was like immediately stressing over what to eat during my break. I ended up eating a Take 5 bar for a snack and yes, I did end up in the bathroom with my Diet Pepsi w/ Lime BUT nothing happened. I stopped before it was too late and marched myself back out onto the floor. The urge was still there and I was a little refluxy, but no.

See, that's what I mean about not letting it take me over. I guess a lot of ED'd people just act on the urge automatically, but I've always had the ability to stop and say "wait a sec." Sometimes I do it anyway (ie yesterday) but sometimes I don't.

I only had a small black coffee during my break, but I came home and had a full dinner:
a cube of lf cheese
one of the Thai noodle things from work with veggies and 1/2 a can of kidney beans
some dates
some raisins
some almonds

And that'll be it til tomorrow.

It's difficult. I am undoubtedly not as bad as many people, but seeing as I have a difficult time going even *a month* without purging means something's up, I suppose.

Tomorrow I don't have my Holocaust class, but I need to study a chunk of stuff for that class cuz I've been slacking. Maybe I will go to Starbucks in the morning instead of at night, but in any case, I can't just sit around and read Harry Potter all day (haha-- I started the 2nd book this morning and I'll probably finish it tonight! ^___^).