Can't Sleep = Writing
Hello. I'm normally in bed by 12, but my body chemicals are messed up and as expected, this has given me a lovely bout of insomnia. Sooooo, you lucky people get to read whatever I decide to put down here. I've got two things in mind.
First, school.
I'm only taking two classes, but that's fine cuz I think I'm finally sick of doing work. Yeah, I guess it took about six years for that to set in. :p Anyway, I really like my History of RI class. Professor Molloy is awesome and I know a few people in the class, so that makes it a bit more enjoyable. I'm actually less enthused about my Holocaust class. The professor is. . .okay. Just okay. I mean, he obviously knows a ton, so that's not the problem. No, I'm just not very fond of *him* as a person; he doesn't seem very approachable and worse, he calls on random people during class. I HATE THAT! >:( Maybe some of all this stems from the fact that he's apparently friends with my "favorite" professor of all time, Dr. Cohen. I didn't even take a class with the guy, yet I still detest him.
For those who don't know, here's the story: He's the History Department advisor, and so I went to him last year asking if I should take the Advanced Topics course in the spring (aka, the class in which I wrote my big paper). Without even asking what my grades were like (A's), or how I was doing in my classes at the time (very well), he automatically assumed that because I hadn't been at URI very long, I was DEFINITELY not prepared to take the 400 level classes and if I did I was sure to fail. Nevermind that I had taken lots of writing intensive high-level courses at UT; apparently classes at other schools don't count. He also pissed me off by making a comment that was something like "oh, must be nice to have Mom and Dad footing the bills" when I told him that URI was my third school. I was like "No, actually" and just augh. AUGH. I don't commonly add that bit when I tell this story, but I swear to you it happened. I just do not like that man.
Sorry, guess I got a bit off-topic.
But yeah, and I need to figure out a topic for my 8 page paper in the Holocaust class. I'm thinking I'll do something on either the Jehovah's Witnesses or homosexuals (JHad would be so proud! ;p). I currently have a few books from the library about the former, but there doesn't seem to be much information. I even looked through books that were on the Holocaust in general, but the Witnesses are hardly even mentioned. So it might just be easier to raise the rainbow flag for this one, hehe.
As for the second topic. . .
I feel like I cannot get my eating under control, no matter how much I want to. I will be highly surprised if I don't weigh MORE than 119 tomorrow, because I binged several times this week too. And then today was just bad. It's so awful because I really don't have a reason for these behaviors anymore. If there IS something bothering me, it's well buried in my subconscious, cuz I have no freaking idea what it is. I feel a lot more "fine" with my life now than I did, oh. . .a few months ago, for example. Yet I'm bingeing more now and I still can't go more than a few weeks without other associated activities. :p I just do not know why.
I refuse to go into therapy again, mostly cuz I don't think I need it. I am not dumb-- when the going used to get tough, I'd drag my ass into the counseling center at whatever given school I was at straight away. But I honestly feel like if I went now, I wouldn't have much to talk about. Yes, there is still SOME anxiety about graduating/the future, etc., no, I still don't have a great relationship with my parents or many actual friends to speak of, but I am really dealing with these things just fine. They are not factors that are currently troubling me like they used to.
I guess I *could* keep taking the Prozac, but even that's not a perfect solution. The only real effect it had on me when I was taking it back in December was killing my appetite. While that's certainly a good thing, I don't think it's worth taking a pill over (IF that's the only thing it's doing). I need to learn to DEAL with my appetite, not artificially destroy it-- afterall, I wouldn't be able to stay on Prozac forever.
So for now I just continue doing my exercises every day and dealing with the pain when I slip up. As long as I can fit into my $148 jeans, I guess it's okay. >;p
Well, gonna try going to bed now, even if I don't fall asleep for awhile.
First, school.
I'm only taking two classes, but that's fine cuz I think I'm finally sick of doing work. Yeah, I guess it took about six years for that to set in. :p Anyway, I really like my History of RI class. Professor Molloy is awesome and I know a few people in the class, so that makes it a bit more enjoyable. I'm actually less enthused about my Holocaust class. The professor is. . .okay. Just okay. I mean, he obviously knows a ton, so that's not the problem. No, I'm just not very fond of *him* as a person; he doesn't seem very approachable and worse, he calls on random people during class. I HATE THAT! >:( Maybe some of all this stems from the fact that he's apparently friends with my "favorite" professor of all time, Dr. Cohen. I didn't even take a class with the guy, yet I still detest him.
For those who don't know, here's the story: He's the History Department advisor, and so I went to him last year asking if I should take the Advanced Topics course in the spring (aka, the class in which I wrote my big paper). Without even asking what my grades were like (A's), or how I was doing in my classes at the time (very well), he automatically assumed that because I hadn't been at URI very long, I was DEFINITELY not prepared to take the 400 level classes and if I did I was sure to fail. Nevermind that I had taken lots of writing intensive high-level courses at UT; apparently classes at other schools don't count. He also pissed me off by making a comment that was something like "oh, must be nice to have Mom and Dad footing the bills" when I told him that URI was my third school. I was like "No, actually" and just augh. AUGH. I don't commonly add that bit when I tell this story, but I swear to you it happened. I just do not like that man.
Sorry, guess I got a bit off-topic.
But yeah, and I need to figure out a topic for my 8 page paper in the Holocaust class. I'm thinking I'll do something on either the Jehovah's Witnesses or homosexuals (JHad would be so proud! ;p). I currently have a few books from the library about the former, but there doesn't seem to be much information. I even looked through books that were on the Holocaust in general, but the Witnesses are hardly even mentioned. So it might just be easier to raise the rainbow flag for this one, hehe.
As for the second topic. . .
I feel like I cannot get my eating under control, no matter how much I want to. I will be highly surprised if I don't weigh MORE than 119 tomorrow, because I binged several times this week too. And then today was just bad. It's so awful because I really don't have a reason for these behaviors anymore. If there IS something bothering me, it's well buried in my subconscious, cuz I have no freaking idea what it is. I feel a lot more "fine" with my life now than I did, oh. . .a few months ago, for example. Yet I'm bingeing more now and I still can't go more than a few weeks without other associated activities. :p I just do not know why.
I refuse to go into therapy again, mostly cuz I don't think I need it. I am not dumb-- when the going used to get tough, I'd drag my ass into the counseling center at whatever given school I was at straight away. But I honestly feel like if I went now, I wouldn't have much to talk about. Yes, there is still SOME anxiety about graduating/the future, etc., no, I still don't have a great relationship with my parents or many actual friends to speak of, but I am really dealing with these things just fine. They are not factors that are currently troubling me like they used to.
I guess I *could* keep taking the Prozac, but even that's not a perfect solution. The only real effect it had on me when I was taking it back in December was killing my appetite. While that's certainly a good thing, I don't think it's worth taking a pill over (IF that's the only thing it's doing). I need to learn to DEAL with my appetite, not artificially destroy it-- afterall, I wouldn't be able to stay on Prozac forever.
So for now I just continue doing my exercises every day and dealing with the pain when I slip up. As long as I can fit into my $148 jeans, I guess it's okay. >;p
Well, gonna try going to bed now, even if I don't fall asleep for awhile.
posted by Erica at 1:32 AM
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