I Repeat. . .

WHAT THE FUCK. >:(((((

I just got home from Barnes and Noble/Rich's apartment. Before I left the house earlier this evening, my Mom asked if I had anything to read. I said I probably didn't have anything she would be interested in, but she could look at my bookcase. She did, and finally picked up my vegetarian cookbook to peruse.

Before I left, I cleaned up my room a little bit, just because. And I DISTINCTLY remember piling up some books I had on my bed, with a section of the Boston Globe conveniently covering my diet book. I figured she'd be coming back in my room to replace the cookbook, so I didn't want to leave that kinda thing laying around.

Yeah, well. >:(

I got back just a few minutes ago. My Mom was already in bed, but apparently not asleep cuz she asked if I went to the apartment and not just B&N. Anyway, I went upstairs, click on my bedroom light, and IMMEDIATELY notice that the books I had piled neatly on my bed are no longer piled. And, of course, my dieting book is in PLAIN SIGHT with the vegetarian cookbook lying right next to it. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. There is NO way my pile could have fallen on its own. NONE. Why does my Mom always go through my stuff?! It's a good thing I brought my journal with me! GRR.

This is comparatively minor to what's happened in the past though. When I came back from Vermont one time, there were like three of four things that had been moved, not just in my room, but in my closet too. I have a VERY good memory of where I have things placed and so it's very obvious to me when my stuff's been tampered with.

It's not that I have a lot to hide, nor anything really "bad." But come on, who DOESN'T have some stuff they'd rather not have Mom and Dad find?!

I just didn't want the diet book to be found cuz I don't want my Mom getting overly suspicious. I hate being questioned. I don't want to explain why I have it, I don't want her to ask if I'm having a hard time with food again, and I DEFINITELY don't want her to ask if I've made myself throw up recently. I'll talk about that shit til the cows come home with anyone else (pretty much), but since I refuse to lie whe I'm asked point-blank about stuff, it would just cause more problems than it's worth.

But I *am* tempted to be like "Why did you go through the stuff on my bed?!" tomorrow morning. I shouldn't have to hide things in my own room, dammit.

Well, anyway.

I talked to the HIS 441 kids today, and actually knew some of the people in the class, so that was cool. I mostly talked about travelling, visiting archives and really not being afraid to choose something different and really pursue it. We (me and two guys) were also asked about how we stayed organized, what we felt the toughest part of writing it was, and just lots of little general tips about surviving the 30+ page paper. It was fun, and except for having to write the big paper, I miss having that class! I was sad about having to leave the Washburn conference room when the class was over, heh. I will have to visit Dr. Sterne before the end of the semester to let her know what my post-grad plans are, no matter how unexciting. :p

Guess that's about it for today. I weighed myself and took measurements this morning, but I'm not happy with what I found. I think I was just bloated from yesterday's at-work "festivities." >:\ I'm going to weigh myself again on Thursday to make sure it was indeed just water weight. On a good note though, I followed my plan 100% today! I promised myself I'd throw a dollar or two into the Horse Fund envelope if I did, so I'm going to as soon as I finish typing this. I'm enacting that rule all week, to hopefully help motivate myself not to F-up as often. :p

'night!

Can't Sleep = Writing

Hello. I'm normally in bed by 12, but my body chemicals are messed up and as expected, this has given me a lovely bout of insomnia. Sooooo, you lucky people get to read whatever I decide to put down here. I've got two things in mind.

First, school.

I'm only taking two classes, but that's fine cuz I think I'm finally sick of doing work. Yeah, I guess it took about six years for that to set in. :p Anyway, I really like my History of RI class. Professor Molloy is awesome and I know a few people in the class, so that makes it a bit more enjoyable. I'm actually less enthused about my Holocaust class. The professor is. . .okay. Just okay. I mean, he obviously knows a ton, so that's not the problem. No, I'm just not very fond of *him* as a person; he doesn't seem very approachable and worse, he calls on random people during class. I HATE THAT! >:( Maybe some of all this stems from the fact that he's apparently friends with my "favorite" professor of all time, Dr. Cohen. I didn't even take a class with the guy, yet I still detest him.

For those who don't know, here's the story: He's the History Department advisor, and so I went to him last year asking if I should take the Advanced Topics course in the spring (aka, the class in which I wrote my big paper). Without even asking what my grades were like (A's), or how I was doing in my classes at the time (very well), he automatically assumed that because I hadn't been at URI very long, I was DEFINITELY not prepared to take the 400 level classes and if I did I was sure to fail. Nevermind that I had taken lots of writing intensive high-level courses at UT; apparently classes at other schools don't count. He also pissed me off by making a comment that was something like "oh, must be nice to have Mom and Dad footing the bills" when I told him that URI was my third school. I was like "No, actually" and just augh. AUGH. I don't commonly add that bit when I tell this story, but I swear to you it happened. I just do not like that man.

Sorry, guess I got a bit off-topic.

But yeah, and I need to figure out a topic for my 8 page paper in the Holocaust class. I'm thinking I'll do something on either the Jehovah's Witnesses or homosexuals (JHad would be so proud! ;p). I currently have a few books from the library about the former, but there doesn't seem to be much information. I even looked through books that were on the Holocaust in general, but the Witnesses are hardly even mentioned. So it might just be easier to raise the rainbow flag for this one, hehe.

As for the second topic. . .

I feel like I cannot get my eating under control, no matter how much I want to. I will be highly surprised if I don't weigh MORE than 119 tomorrow, because I binged several times this week too. And then today was just bad. It's so awful because I really don't have a reason for these behaviors anymore. If there IS something bothering me, it's well buried in my subconscious, cuz I have no freaking idea what it is. I feel a lot more "fine" with my life now than I did, oh. . .a few months ago, for example. Yet I'm bingeing more now and I still can't go more than a few weeks without other associated activities. :p I just do not know why.

I refuse to go into therapy again, mostly cuz I don't think I need it. I am not dumb-- when the going used to get tough, I'd drag my ass into the counseling center at whatever given school I was at straight away. But I honestly feel like if I went now, I wouldn't have much to talk about. Yes, there is still SOME anxiety about graduating/the future, etc., no, I still don't have a great relationship with my parents or many actual friends to speak of, but I am really dealing with these things just fine. They are not factors that are currently troubling me like they used to.

I guess I *could* keep taking the Prozac, but even that's not a perfect solution. The only real effect it had on me when I was taking it back in December was killing my appetite. While that's certainly a good thing, I don't think it's worth taking a pill over (IF that's the only thing it's doing). I need to learn to DEAL with my appetite, not artificially destroy it-- afterall, I wouldn't be able to stay on Prozac forever.

So for now I just continue doing my exercises every day and dealing with the pain when I slip up. As long as I can fit into my $148 jeans, I guess it's okay. >;p

Well, gonna try going to bed now, even if I don't fall asleep for awhile.

Grrrrrrrrr

Want ice cream and chips.

Want [to do bad things].

I feel fat and kinda depressed and I don't like it.

Grrrrrrr.

I "Love" Snow

I think it's fitting that in the Farsi language, "barf" is the word for snow. hehe

Anyway, yet another day of doing absolutely nothing cuz the snow gods decided to bless us some more. ENOUGH ALREADY! Gah! I had to miss two days this week (at work) cuz of this shit. >: ( I am poor, I need money, stop thwarting me.

I actually tried going out this morning, cuz I didn't honestly think it looked that bad out. Yeah, big mistake. I decided to skip going to class and headed right to Brooks, mostly to pick up my sweatshirt that I left there last night. Driving even that far was terrible, especially on the way back-- I couldn't go above 25 mph at any point. Then the asshole in front of me stopped short (actually, I think it was the fault of the person in front of *them*, but. . .) and my brakes completely did not work. I'm just lucky they kept rolling forward just enough that I managed not to hit them, cuz my brake pedal was on the floor and I was just sliding happily along. :\ Then trying to get up Stony Lane. . .I was in "2" and still all over the place. I held my breath everytime someone would be coming the opposite way, willing my car to behave long enough for them to go by. I made it back home in one piece, but damn, that was easily one of the worst times I've had driving in snow. Normally I don't have a problem.

Cuz I called out from work (I was supposed to go in this afternoon, ha ha ha.) I haven't done much all day. . .just the same stuff I did all weekend. Oi.

Just more reasons to move OUT of the New England area. :p v_v

Measurements: Week 1

Blimey.

Well, last week was not a stellar one eating-wise. I think I binged 4 out of 7 days (but only one time was really quite bad) :( . But I was pretty good about exercising everyday, and I'd usually do the floor work twice a day. Did it pay off?

cw: 119!
bmi: 19.8?
waist: still 25"
hips: 37.5" !
thigh: 21"??? I must have measured a different spot last time. O_o
calf: 14"

Unless my legs just got really buff. . .? hehe

That's all for now. It's lunchtime and then I think I'll practice bass some more. My fingers are already torn up from previous practicing, but that's okay.

Hard to Stay Positive

Hello again. Is everyone else (in RI or nearby areas) enjoying the 2958350 feet of snow as much as I am!? v_v Yeah, you try being stuck in the house with my Mom for two days in a row. I think sticking my dirty hoof pick through my eyeballs might be more fun.

I can't complain overly much though. I have The Two Towers to read, I'm borrowing Rich's guitar so I can practice bass (and I have been), and of course there's my computer so I can work on stories or whatnot. I am lamenting the fact that I'm running out of nutritionally decent things to eat (I'll be stuck with Ramen, Oreos, and low fat ice cream tomorrow :P) but hopefully everything will be cleared up by Tuesday. At least well enough so I can, you know, drive and get to the market.

And I did manage to be a little it productive today-- I actually wrote up a very rough draft of my resume. I have a lot of good things on it, but. . .look at my title. I've been busy looking up classified ads in various newspapers for the past couple of weeks, and it's glaringly obvious that I'm not qualified for 99.8% of the jobs that are out there. In many cases, I can find jobs that sound interesting (for example: Catering Services assistant at Eastside Marketplace) but I am lacking in anything that could remotely be considered experience, which is naturally required (at least five years, in fact).

So, it's painful because I know I am smart enough and well-rounded enough to be able to find an assortment of positions, but that's not the way the world works. I am quite sure that I'll be stuck in retail, if not just for the next few years, quite possibly forever. Cuz honestly, those are the only "help wanted ads" that I can read through and completely fit what they're looking for.

And maybe, *maybe* that would be okay. I just need to find SOMETHING that will 1) provide me with health insurance and 2) pay me enough so I can at least afford an apartment. And that's been another discouraging search-- apartments are SO EXPENSIVE in RI! Again, my only requirements aren't outlandish: 1) can't be in a sketchy, ghettoish area, and 2) heat must be included. I don't care if the "bathroom" is actually a bucket in the corner, but dammit I need my heat! Well, I have not been able to find ANY 1 bedroom apartments for less than $850 a month. Anything cheaper just does not exist, or if they do, they sure as hell don't advertise because I've been checking out a plethora of sources. I guess it's just one more reason to leave this state-- in Buffalo, most 1 bedroom apartments were about $500 per month, and ditto the ones around Lexington, KY. I don't know why RI can't follow suite.

So anyway, it IS hard to stay positive when faced with these hard realities. That's why I put off looking at reality for a long, long time-- cuz it's scary, and unfair, and I don't like it. But despite how hard the next year or so is going to be, I'm holding onto my long term plans. I will move to Kentucky, and I will volunteer (and then hopefully work) at the Horse Park there. Again, I will probably be working in retail throughout all this time (unless I do get employed by the Park, which would be nice), but I guess that's what I'll have to do. There was an interesting article in Time magazine last week about how people our age (in our 20's) are finding it harder to become independent these days. Having a college degree is no longer an automatic ticket to a prosperous future-- and more of us are unwilling to go into fields simply because they pay well or there ARE lots of jobs available. We want to study things that genuinely interest us and find jobs that aren't drudgery, but that are actually things we WANT to do.

And who knows what will happen from here.

Up the Punx!

E

Maybe I Lied

This still isn't a real entry, but I'm not done blabbing yet.

On my list of "best/worst of 2004" I completely forgot one of the best things I read all year-- Larry Kramer's play, The Destiny of Me. Seriously, I don't know how I forgot. Besides The Trial of Guiteau the Assassin, that's the book I borrowed longest from the library here at school. It's an absolutely brilliant play, and I feel that way just from *reading* it, nevermind seeing a production. Although it centers around homosexuality and AIDS (thus, do I even need to mention that Mr. Hadary was in the original cast? hehe), it's also about growing up and how family plays a role in who we become and stuff. I don't know, I'm bad at describing things simply-- I'd recommend just reading it.

The reason I thought of this is cuz I just read Kramer's other play, The Normal Heart, the other morning. I liked it, but not as much as Destiny. Then again, I probably just need to read it another time or two. I actually did NOT like The Destiny of Me the first time I read it, cuz I rushed through it and didn't pick up on any of the subtle lines and whatnot that really get under your skin and make the play one that's hard to forget (though apparently I did :p).

And there it is.

Oh yeah, third season of the Apprentice starts tonight, too!

Hahaha

Just wanted to thank the person who left the anonymous note for pointing out the unintentional continuity of my last few entry titles. :D I don't know why you (whoever you are) made such a note anonymous, but whatever. Maybe I SHOULD make my comments "members only." >:) Secrecy annoys me.

Not writing an entry right now, in fact, I'm about to go find some books on genocide so I have something to say in my Holocaust class tomorrow (yes, already we've gotten an assignment ::sigh::). But I just had to comment on the comment, hehe.

Ugh.

I just ate almost a whole package of pb and chocolate oreos. :( I followed my planned food 100% well today, but the Oreos were on my desk and I just grabbed them and ate and ate and ate.

I'm not upset about anything (well, I am now but. . .) an I wasn't even particularly hungry, which makes this all the more puzzling.

And now it's hard cuz I so want to skip breakfast tomorrow or just have coffee or something, but I KNOW I should press on and stick to my planned foods again.

Thing is, I binged last night, too. . .on cookies and a creme egg, again after following my meal plan to a T. I *am* getting enough nutrients/calories/etc., so I do NOT know what the problem is. :((((


Well, in other news, today was indeed the first day of school. I had RI History with semi-manic Dr. Molloy (whom I had for Labor History) and I think it's going to be more of the same antics as that class had been. That's a good thing. The tests are kinda stressful (LOTS of writing) but I got an A last time, so I should get an A again. Hopefully. O_o

. . .

Sorry, brain stopped functioning cuz there's too much blood travelling to my stomach to make sure all the cookies can get digested. I am so tempted to [do bad things] right now it's not even funny. v_v

Umm. . well, I'm gonna go. I am going to do some upper body exercises now (I was going to do them even before the billion Oreos) and then go bang my head against the wall. :

I Hate To Do This, But. . .

you guys are going to be getting my weight/food/etc. accountablity in here.

I guess you could say that like most people, I've decided to eat healthier and start exercising (again) as a New Year's Resolution of sorts. Thing is, it's not that I just want to lose weight (cuz I think I am "okay" at my current weight, but I'm female, so naturally I think I could be thinner ;p) but that there are some ::ahem:: unhealthy habits that I need to be more adamant about stopping. I think that if I can eat a normal sized, balanced diet, and exercise a little bit, I might be able to stop the bingeing, etc. and that's what I really need to do.

I've already made a few steps towards being healthier in this realm. I've stopped going to pro-ED boards. Completely. I'm not even letting myself go back to check who left comments in my journal or whatnot asking where I've been. I hate being rude by just dropping off the forum, but I know if I go back, I won't be able to resist reading the threads that occasionally trigger me. I enjoy reading and writing in those places, I'm even semi-well known on one of them, but there's just too many reasons why I shouldn't go back. Too many hypocrites, too much normalization of behaviors and goals that I guess are not healthy/realistic. And sometimes reading what other people are able to get away with, without their bodies giving out on them, makes me think I am not that bad and there's little reason for me to quit. So I've given up ED boards cold turkey.

Then I started thinking about times when my diet was both healthy and filling; when I was on my meal plan from Butler and when I did a me-version of the South Beach essentially, cutting out shite carbs and keeping a low amount of the good grains.

I decided that maybe I would go back on my modified SB diet, and I was in the bookstore checking out different diet/exercise books. Now mind you, I'm not easily swayed by fad diets and exercise routines. But one book I found caught my eye. I flipped through it, and not only was the exercise plan do-able, but the menu was realistic and essentially a combination of my two ways of eating mentioned above. Soooooooo. . .after thinking it over and reading people's reviews of the program online, I bought the book. (And no, I'm not telling you which one cuz it sounds hokey even to me, but I swear the content is much better than the title! >;p)

Today is Day One. It is a 6 week program, and I am sticking with it. And I think after that, it's common sense enough that I'll be able to continue the plan on my own.

So, my starting info is this:
height: 5'5"
cw: 120
bmi: 20
measurements:
waist: 25"
hips/butt: 38" ::barf::
thigh: 19"
calf: 13"
chest (underneath boob area): 29"

I am not setting any "goals." Those don't work well with me.

Today I walked for 2.5 hours at the mall (yeah, I was with my Mom, so. . .) and did about 25 minutes of lower body work this morning.

I have eaten:
breakfast = 1 cup of Kashi cereal, 1 cup of chocolate rice milk, 1 soy sausage patty, and 1/2 an apple
lunch = 2 cups of salad greens with 2/3 cup of tofu, 2 tbsp of a lf dressing, and 1 slice of wheat bread
dinner will be a lobster and some veggies with salsa and a slice of cheese, and a Creamsicle for dessert. :)

And we'll see what happens from here.

I Haven't Abandoned You

I've just been busy. Or "busy," depending upon your outlook.

I promise I will write a longer entry later today. Might as well, on my last evening of relative freedom (in other words, school starts tomorrow >;p ).

Til then, I'm heading out to P-Place with my Mom (yay?), going grocery shopping, and maybe I'll stop by the apartment and play Jesus of Suburbia one last time. <---I'm elated. :)

Poor, Unfortunate Souls

Haha, well, my History Seminar professor just emailed me to confirm that I'll be talking to the new batch of HIS 441 students during their first class (along with 3 other students). I guess I'll try to downplay the slow unraveling of my sanity (?!) during the months I worked on my thesis. They can discover that aspect of writing it for themselves. :p

And since I'm on the subject of school, I'm only taking two classes this semester: History of Rhode Island and The Holocaust (I ran out of interesting US History courses!). Besides an 8 page paper in the latter, my last semester shouldn't be too taxing.

Fitday, You Demon

I've come to the conclusion that Fitday is a kind of drug. From the first time you use it, some evil molecules get under your skin and make it impossible to abandon the site forever.

I should know; I have tried.

I started using Fitday during my semester at Virginia Intermont, mostly cuz I needed something to do besides sit around and dwell on how much my then-current situation sucked. For a period of about a week, every year since, I have returned to Fitday and was even compelled to start a new account last February. Although, as mentioned, I only stuck with it for about a week, just this morning the idea seeped back into my brain: "Must. . .record food obsessively. Must find out how many calories I burn walking around for 8 hours at Brooks. . .Aaauughhh. . ." ::drool::

Now, in case you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about, here's what Fitday is. Every day, you keep a list of every little thing you ate, either by selecting foods in their database or creating "custom" foods. The program tallies up how much of each nutrient you are getting (most prominently calories, fat, carbs, and protein) and you can also record any physical activities you do throughout the day to find out how many calories you are burning. It sounds like a good idea, but here's the catch:

Fitday is just downright evil.

Besides the weird annual soul-stealing I already described, there's a damn good reason why sticking with Fitday for long periods of time just doesn't happen. Using it is frickin' annoying! Except for very generic foods, such as tomatoes and apples, almost everything needs to be customized, assuming you want your nutritional evaluation to be accurate. THAT means writing down the nutritional info for every single "custom" entry you have to make. And if you have no way of knowing what the nutritional info was, you have to just choose from whatever Fitday offers in its database that's close enough and hope for the best.

For example, I ate a blueberry bagel with lf cream cheese from Dunkin Donuts today. Since "Dunkin Donuts bagels" don't exactly appear in the database, I had to settle with the info for a Lender's blueberry bagel instead. I guess I *could* search the DD website for the correct info, but seriously, I don't care that much. It's just a bit annoying though, cuz a Lender's bagel and a DD bagel might be drastically different. Freaking a.

The "calories burned" section is also incredibly wrong. As just one minor example, no matter how long you have sex for (and no matter how "active" you are ;p), you supposedly only burn one calorie per hour. On the other hand, I supposedly burned over 800 calories today at work, just walking around. I don't think I would have burned that many calories if I had *ran* all day at work, never mind strolling casually from aisle 6 to aisle 11 and back again.

Nevertheless, it is kinda nice to see a rough estimate at the end of the day of all the calories, fat, carbs, and protein I consumed. But in about six days, I'm sure the novelty will again wear off and Fitday will go back to sleep until 2006. Salud.

Doing His Job, I Guess

I drove to URI today so I could renew The Trial of Guiteau the Assassin for the billionth time. I'm usually good about renewing my books online *before* they are due, but apparently I forgot about it this time and came back from Texas with 2 impatient emails from the library. Boo. I didn't bother to read how much $$ I owed, since I knew all I'd have to do is drive down to campus and ask to renew it in person. The fine gets erased by the good person behind the counter, and I can go on my merry way.

You know things didn't go as planned.

The library was deserted except for the two people behind the circulation desk, a girl I hadn't seen before and a guy that I had seen there many a time. As usual, I asked to renew the book despite its being a "few days" late, and handed my URI card over to the girl. She did her thing, and then called the guy over since she was new and didn't know how to get past the "must pay fine" prompt (or whatnot). Now, the dude is obviously a student, and I know he's dealt with me and my overdue books in the past. So I was very surprised when he went "Oh, no. The fine's not going anywhere," in a rather amused tone. v_v

Basically, I this means I have to pay $9.50 for a book I haven't even been reading. Thanks, asshole!

But I guess I can't complain TOO much. This is only the second time I've ever had to pay fines, and trust me, I've had a LOT of overdue books during my brief stint at URI. Secondly, maybe the library staff's been cracked down on recently for deleting so many people's fines (since I know they do that often). I know how that is. Where I work, they recently implemented a rule that we have to card everybody that buys cigarettes, whether you're 18 or 80. It's not just enough to know the birthday, you have to physically see the ID-- and the "best" part is, we can be FIRED for neglecting to do this! Brooks actually pays people to go into stores and buy cigarettes to make sure we're even carding people that are obviously old enough. Because we (obviously) have no idea who's a spy and who isn't, we really do have to be a pain in the ass to everyone. Hell, I don't want to lose my job. Yes, I think it's a stupid rule, but what can I do? So I'm not going to fault the guy in the library for doing his job, just like I hope people don't get pissed at me for doing mine.

Well, that's my little story for today. Gonna go read for a bit.

Barn Search -- Part II

Drove out to Lincoln today to "drive by" another barn. Even with tons of snow everywhere, this place looked like a much nicer facility than the other stable I checked out this week. It's also right outside a park, so I imagine trail riding is a big activity there. ^_^ Well, I'm still not making any definite plans until the springso I'm not getting too excited yet.

Sorry, I don't have much else to report today. Rich is coming over for a curry dinner, so I have to get that started soon. I love making them, but my Dad hates it cuz the house always smells of curry for the next few days, haha.

Finding a New Stable

Part 1 of an on-going series, cuz finding a good place to ride is NEVER easy.

Last semester, as I toiled on my long paper, I decided that in the Spring I was going to do something nice for myself as a reward. I would again take up some activity that I enjoy, and I centered my attention on either yoga or ballet. I was really taken with the idea of doing ballet again. . .for awhile. Even doing simple developpe a la seconde at 90 degrees makes my hip sockets crack though, sometimes painfully, and sometimes going a little too deep in port de bras keeps my lower back in pain for the next few hours. Yoga would keep my body happier, and I would even look into volunteering at the place where my classes would be held. It seemed like a really good idea. But.

Then I had my "amazing revelation" about working (or at least volunteering) at one of my favorite places in the world, the Kentucky Horse Park. Wouldn't it make sense to work around horses again prior to shipping myself off to Lexington? And I have been missing riding-- just the scent of horses and hay is enough to leave me in a happy stupor. ^_^

The biggest barrier to taking riding lessons again is, not surprisingly, MONEY. It is in no way cheap to ride horses. A few summers ago I took 1 hr long private lessons once a week-- for $50 a pop. That's pretty typical. Less expensive places can be found, but oftentimes the quality of instruction goes downwards, too. Another complication is that I'm not a beginner. I'm not USET material or anything, but I am well beyond the stage of say, learning what diagonal I'm posting on. A lot of barns don't have someone that can teach beyond the basics of staying in the saddle at the walk, trot, canter, and maybe (if you're lucky) over a few small jumps.

SO. . .my goal is this:
To try and find a stable in RI that
1) is not Faith Hill Farm, Clouds Hill Farm, or Tower Hill Equestrian Center. I've ridden at all those places and do not wish to return for various reasons.
2) is not overly expensive when it comes to hour long lessons (preferably private, but I don't mind riding with one or two other people)
3) has a good intermediate level instructor (preferably who knows a little about dressage and/or jumping, since just straight-up ring work gets b-o-r-i-n-g)
4) will let me volunteer or be a working student! I don't claim to know how to do everything, but I can reliably clean stalls, tack up horses, dish out feed, etc. and I am willing to learn (since I am not, as the instructors at Virginia Intermont wanted me to believe, lazy and incompetent). I am well liked at work and at school, and I think I could be an asset to any barn willing to take me.

Wow, I'm feeling exceptionally positive today. ;p ^___^

I have a short list of places I plan on checking out when the weather gets warmer, but in the meantime I have to save enough money to buy new equipment. I need a new helmet, a new pair of tall boots, and a new set of half-chaps since all my current stuff is seriously about 10+ years old!

So anyway. I will keep you updated as I go on my search. I already scoped out one barn in West Greenwich yesterday (just drove by) and tomorrow I plan on checking out a place in Lincoln. Should be interesting.

Best and Worst of 2004

Instead of doing a month-by-month Year in Review, I decided to do a run-down of the books, movies, etc. that I either loved or loathed in 2004.


Best Books of 2004
Wicked by Gregory Maguire*
After hearing so much about the musical on various Broadway boards, I took the plunge and read the book it was based on. Since I’m not a big fan of the show (at least, not based on what I’ve heard), I was pleasantly surprised by the novel, though many people had said it was the better of the two. Although the book is fairly long, I finished it within just a few days, staying up late at night and reading it during my breaks at work cuz I was pretty damn engrossed in it. I can’t really go into much detail, unfortunately, since it has been a while since I actually read it. I remember really liking it though, so that’s good enough.

The Complete Stories of Truman Capote
Bought this on a whim, after reading a good review of it in the Providence Journal. The only thing I had read by Capote previously was In Cold Blood, back in Randall’s class during my freshman year at UT. I don't usually like short story collections but all the ones here were so gothic and/or downright weird that the entire book was right up my alley. So I gotta say "thank you" to Randall for pointing me in the right direction, even all these years later. It was hard to put this book down so I had time to work on my thesis, but somehow I managed to finish both.

Worst Books of 2004
She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb*
This has the "honor" of being the only book I have ever NOT finished because it was so incredibly bad. It was well-written and all that jazz, but the main character was so unlikeable I didn’t even feel sadistic for thinking she deserved every bad thing that happened to her. I got a little more than halfway through, but such an easy-to-hate main character doesn’t exactly compel one to keep reading. The fact that this was popular in Oprah’s Book Club should have tipped me off from the get-go.

Horse People by Michael Korda
Again, a book with characters I came to hate. Even more unfortuantely, this book was non-fiction, based on the author’s own life-- oops. The author is apparently an immoral, uppity, condescending asshole and it truly shines through in his words. Not only that, but he’s a terrible writer-- ever heard of a thing called "proofreading??" He repeats the same stories and phrases so often that I couldn’t stop my eyes from rolling about fifteen times every chapter. Unless you are an instructor at Virginia Intermont, a devotee of said school, or a disgustingly rich horse owner that doesn’t feel the "need" to do barn work since that’s what your Hispanic grooms are for, this book is nothing more than a safe emetic.


Best Movies of 2004
Spiderman 2
I just rewatched the first one, and although I like it quite a bit, the sequel is hands-down the better of the two movies. Kristen Dunst does annoy me slightly because her face has practically the same "I’m half-asleep" expression on it through most of SM2, but everyone else was really good. And Doc Ock is more bad-ass than the Green Goblin, so nyah.

The Spongebob Squarepants Movie
Funniest movie of the year, no question. I had only seen a handful of TV episodes prior to watching this, so I wasn’t entirely sure what I was getting myself into. Maybe my sense of humor is more juvenile than I thought, but like I said, I loved it.

Secret Window
Although this movie wasn’t 100% perfect, borrowing a little too heavily from The Shining towards the end, I just had to give it props. This movie reminded me so much of my own life that it was a little scary. Also, having read the short story that this was based on, I can definitely say that the movie is the better version. The written one ties up just a little too cleanly for my tastes. So yeah, not an amazing film or anything, but I’d watch it again.

Disappointing Movies of 2004
Napoleon Dynamite
Yawn. Yes, there were some funny bits, I’ll hand it that. Ultimately, I felt this movie was trying way too hard to be random and funny and the apparent effort spoiled it for me. And amusing as the "Canned Heat" dance scene may have been, it dragged on waaaay toooooo looooonnnng. Besides, I will always equate that song with the awesome dance sequence in Center Stage, so there.

The Grudge
The trailer was scary. The website was scary. The freaking poster was scary. The movie was not. Even the creepiest scenes didn’t stick with me after seeing it (unlike some in The Ring), but I wouldn’t want to watch it by myself at night. Let’s put it that way.

The Phantom of the Opera
I don’t need to detail my love for this musical, and although back in the day I was scared at the prospect of a POTO movie, after seeing what was done with Chicago, I had an increasingly hopeful outlook. Although I didn’t dislike the movie, I don’t think it would have made me interested in the show if I wasn’t already familiar with it. Also, there were a lot of little changes that I thought were stupid or pointless (ie. Vogue-like choreography during "Masquerade," somewhat borrowing from Susan Kay’s novel to add some background to the Phantom’s relationship with Madame Giry, etc.) Oh well. I guess they could have done worse.

Worst Movies of 2004
Team America: World Police
Can’t say I was big on seeing this to begin with, but it didn’t even live up to whatever small expectations I had. Like Napoleon Dynamite, this movie tried way too hard to be "different" and "shocking." Too bad half of the funny bits were used to much better effect in Broadway’s own Muppet show, Avenue Q. The spoof on Rent was highly amusing though, easily the best part of the movie.

The Village
Okay, fine. I didn’t guess the twist at the end beforehand. It was surprising for about five minutes, during which time I actually thought sitting through 2 and whatever wicked boring hours had been worth it. Well, I soon decided otherwise. Giant porcupine-like creatures in the woods. Ooo, I’m scared.


Best CDs of 2004
American Idiot, Green Day
I’ve loved Green Day since I first heard Dookie in 7th grade, and their latest CD doesn’t disappoint. I’m just sad that they toured with A New Found Glory, a band I absolutely detest, cuz otherwise I would definitely have gone to see them in Worcester. Just didn’t see the point in paying $35 to only enjoy one of the bands that was playing. Oh, well. I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ve heard from them, so hopefully I’ll catch them next time around.

Weird Romance, Original Cast Recording
I’m not even gonna get into the story of how I got this CD, but let’s just say I was sure I was going to be kicked off Ebay for the 2nd time. Hmm. Anyway, the only reason I bought this CD was cuz I knew Jonathan Hadary had a leading role in this show-- and he does, and he sounds great in this recording. The whole show is fun and catchy, even if the lyrics/music are occasionally cheese x10, but what can you expect from a Menken show during the early 90’s? Even though I got this back in August, I still listen to it regularly. Definitely was worth the wait.

Avenue Q, Original Broadway Cast Recording
I had been wanting to hear songs from this show after hearing so many glowing reviews from those wonderful folks on the Broadway boards. My wish was unexpectedly granted when one of Rich's friends happened to be enarmored with the show and offered to burn me a copy. Although I don’t listen to it 24/7 or anything, it’s amusing and a good mood lifter. If I had to catch a show on Broadway right now, this would be one of my top choices.

Worst CD of 2004
Assassins, Original Broadway Cast Recording
I’ve already written at length about all the things that are wrong with this recording so I’ll make this brief. If you want to listen to Assassins, get the Original Cast Recording with Garber, Mann, Hadary, etc. If you want Assassins lite, Assassins on a hefty dosage of Prozac perhaps, listen to this one.


Good Things in 2004
Spring Break in Florida
Buffalo trip
finishing thesis on the anarchists and getting an A on it
Texas trip
the horse game!
Indian food. . mmm, mango pickle
Mix CDs
the Vermonster ^__^

Bad Things in 2004
Bush is Re-elected V_V
still haven’t seen Angels in America
New York City trip. . .when?!
Flying back from Texas with a cold v_v
only being able to find clothes that fit in expensive stores like Nordstrom and Jasmine Sola. I can’t afford to keep doing this!
Tim Horton’s taking over Bess Eaton
acid reflux v_v
stuff



*I know these books didn’t come out in 2004, but that’s when I read it, so. . .

I Am a Cheese Druid

If you're reading this, chances are you know me and so there's no need for an introduction. ;p

2004 was an interesting year, with its fair share of up and down moments. I'm not one for making New Year's Resolutions, but since I *am* gearing up to graduate college in May, some things are going to need to change in my life during 2005. I will get into my "tentative goals" in a later entry.

That's enough for right now. I promise most of my entries won't be this boring!