Dear Kevin
So I decided to give you another chance. One last chance. You IMed me, and I was NOT thrilled about it, but I decided to try and strike up a normal conversation. It has been almost 4 years since we broke up, and probably a year or more since we last talked over AIM. I blocked you again after that because you still-- STILL-- had not moved on, trying to make me feel guilty over breaking up even if you didn't come right out and say that.
But last night showed that you still aren't ready to be friendly, so I blocked you once more as of this morning and I doubt that I'll ever unblock you again. It's not worth trying, and to be honest, I don't care that much. I gave you ample opportunity to talk, update me on what's going on with your life as I would with any other friend I haven't talked to in awhile. But you hardly answered, so eventually I stopped talking and went to bed. In the morning, I found an IM from you that basically said "I see how it is." wtf? You weren't saying a goddamn thing, or would respond, but in very short sentences that weren't leading our conversation anywhere. This is why, as I stated, it was obvious that you aren't ready to have a normal relationship. I am giving up. It's not that I dislike you-- I don't believe in wasting my energy by holding onto grudges, but I'm not willing to waste my time either.
I've been generous by giving you multiple chances to redeem yourself. Yes, back when we started dating, our relationship was good, but things deteriorated quickly. You did not or would not see that, and I was in no way strong enough to end it sooner. You knew that, though, and I have a strange feeling that you were okay with it. I don't think you would have liked me as much if I had been more secure-- you wouldn't like me the way I am now.
This letter could go on for awhile, but I think that's enough.
But last night showed that you still aren't ready to be friendly, so I blocked you once more as of this morning and I doubt that I'll ever unblock you again. It's not worth trying, and to be honest, I don't care that much. I gave you ample opportunity to talk, update me on what's going on with your life as I would with any other friend I haven't talked to in awhile. But you hardly answered, so eventually I stopped talking and went to bed. In the morning, I found an IM from you that basically said "I see how it is." wtf? You weren't saying a goddamn thing, or would respond, but in very short sentences that weren't leading our conversation anywhere. This is why, as I stated, it was obvious that you aren't ready to have a normal relationship. I am giving up. It's not that I dislike you-- I don't believe in wasting my energy by holding onto grudges, but I'm not willing to waste my time either.
I've been generous by giving you multiple chances to redeem yourself. Yes, back when we started dating, our relationship was good, but things deteriorated quickly. You did not or would not see that, and I was in no way strong enough to end it sooner. You knew that, though, and I have a strange feeling that you were okay with it. I don't think you would have liked me as much if I had been more secure-- you wouldn't like me the way I am now.
This letter could go on for awhile, but I think that's enough.
posted by Erica at 10:22 PM
2 Comments:
Well done Erica. To be able to say who you want in your life and who you don't want in your life, is a strength which will serve you well throughout your life.
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I have gone through the same sort of stuff recently, and your letter brings up thoughts and feelings from me of these times.
For me, it's not that these people were trying to be nasty, or trying to be stupid, or intentionally hurting me, but it was that they were. These included work places and friends/colleagues.
I don't think there was intent on their part to make my life worse, but they were - through things like lake of empathy, greed, lack of skill.
After moving on, my life was better without them in it.
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However, I found, to say, I don't want you in my life anymore, what we did once may have worked, may have been good, but it isn't working now and I don't want you to be part of it, is painful - because it's a loss of something. But it was the correct/only the only option to carry out.
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Ramble, ramble, ramble - working out my life on Erica's blog comments again.... :-)
Oh, you know I don't mind the rambling. I think it's interesting to hear about (or read!) another person's experiences.
Perhaps I will comment further on these matters in an upcoming entry. . .
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