Superiority?

Warning: this is going to sound awful of me, especially if you are reading this from LB or TF. But as this is *my* blog, I'm entitled to be honest.

Warning also if you're sick of reading about ED related things. This isn't graphic or anything, it's more of a rant.

I have never been very ED'd. Not compared to a lot of other people. Sure, there have been times when it SEEMED very bad, like when I was in Virginia and when I was taking laxatives and stuff. But I have always been ED-NOS, meaning Eating Disorder-- Not Otherwise Specified because I've never quite met the official criteria for bulimia or anorexia (ha! obviously). Well, that's fine with me. I don't want to be worse, and you know what?

I find myself really annoyed with people whose lives ARE controlled by their ED. I don't understand how people can let it get to that point.

I firmly believe that EDs *are* a choice. I know that to someone that's deeply into one it doesn't feel that way, but what do you think recovery is? It's CHOOSING to eat or CHOOSING to not purge. So even if it feels like OMGIHAVETOBINGERIGHTNOWAUGHAUGHAUGH guess what? No. And it's maybe hypocritical of me to say that, since I *have* felt that way, particularly with the bingeing. Having also recovered almost completely for nearly a year (back in 2002-2003) really drove home the "yes, it IS your decision" point though.

But like I said, it just kind of pisses me off and confuses me when I read about or see someone who is visibly ill. I guess if you're trying to kill yourself, well, good luck with that. There's a certain point where I stop feeling any pity. ::shrug::

I guess it's cuz, as I was saying, I never went totally off the deep end. People on the ED boards warned me that I would. They always tell people that ask about learning how to purge, "No, don't start, it's addictive." Well, that much is true. But a lot of people say if you start purging after normal meals, you're bound to start doing it after binges, and then you're going to start bingeing more often and on more food, and THEN before you know it, you'll be doing it several times a day.

I didn't fall into that trap. No reason why it "has to" go that way.

I don't know. This isn't to say that I'm 100% better cuz I'm not. If you read this or know me, you know that. But I am just so annoyed lately; on the rare occasions that I *do* go back and read ED boards, I can't help rolling my eyes profusely.

Oh, well. At least when *I* stop my ED'd ways once and for all I'm not gonna gain a billion and one lbs. Someone that restricts and b/ps and uses diet pills on the other hand. . .you may be 90 lbs now, but unless you die first, you're gonna stop someday and then it's back to 180. Ha.

Yes, I'm mean. I just don't like when people are dishonest, especially with themselves.